We can't beat anxiety if we don't know what we want

[Steven Miller]

First time poster, hello. I'm sharing an essay I wrote about my solution to anxiety that has been helping me recently. Here it goes, please leave feedback for me in the comments.

Anxiety is when our body and mind want to be doing something, and we ignore it. We're not listening to it. We're off somewhere else. There are some reasons why this is the case, but I want to talk about the solution first.

Do a test for me. Right now allow your body to position itself the way it wants. Did it change? Why were you sitting in a way that was uncomfortable? How long had you been sitting that way? The thing is, we can live our whole lives that way. Ignoring what it is that our mind/body really wants. We need to train ourselves to stop and find out what we want. Get out of the way. For example, when you're walking down the street, raise your head and let your eyes look where they want to look. You're going to find some interesting stuff you wouldn't have consciously noticed. And the anxiety isn't there.

The reason it went away is because anxiety is a protective factor. Its purpose is to help us avoid frustration. By tuning out, we aren't allowing ourselves to become aware of what we really want. And if we aren't aware of what we want, we won't be frustrated when we don't get what we want. We won't be frustrated when we can't leave work, or act violently or act sexually. Its a good strategy except it backfires because we are also ignoring all the wants we have that we can satisfy. And that makes us anxious.

So my advice would be to pause and listen to what your mind/body wants, to trust that response, and to make yourself vulnerable enough that you can attempt to get it even if it means possibly failing. In the case of inappropriate sexual or violent desires, or desires that simply are unrealistic (quitting your job) we should... use our imagination! For years I never allowed myself this, buts its very powerful. I wanted to be a good person. But we can relieve our unattainable desires through imagination. Its good to imagine a sexual fantasy or to imagine cursing out your boss if its what you want.

So that is my secret to beating anxiety. Tune out the distractions. Listen to what your mind/body is telling you it wants. And have the courage/vulnerability to go for it. And when its socially unacceptable or not possible, help yourself out with a little imagination.

Steven

[Ankhsious]

Thank you Steven, this does indeed resonate with me on some level.

Unfortunately my 'wants' are complex. What I have discovered is that several years ago, panic attacks were my soul manifesting and telling my 'overachiever' to stop running on a stressful treadmill.

The irony is, I have decided to take some well deserved time off work now many years later and my panic attacks are back. Is it now my ego telling my soul that the pendulum has swung too far the other way and that I am suppressing my body's desire to experience the joy of working/achieving/creating out of fear of overwhelm/failure/stress?

[Steven Miller]

I would just clarify on this: You say "my body's desire to experience the joy of working/achieving/creating". These aren't the kinds of bodily/mind "wants" I write about. The kind of wants I have in mind are the ones you discover as you go along. They aren't directed action. Just like the adjusting your sitting position example. Maybe you pause and realize that you've been wanting to go outside and not even realizing it! So go outside.

Next time you feel really anxious, just try to open up and hear what your mind is saying that it wants. Its probably not something you're thinking of. It might be "look at the window for a bit" or "walk around the block" or "stand up". Ask yourself where your eyes want to be looking. What does your mouth want to be tasting? What are your ears hearing?

Take this time off work to practice this new mind state. Then, you train yourself, and you can take it with you to work. To wherever you go.

Just something I am trying for myself, don't take me too earnestly.

Give it a spin, tell me if it works?

[Xerosnake90]

Excellent write up. I'm currently going through a course and the main focus behind anxiety is our needs. Every human has needs that have to be fulfilled.

Certainty
Uncertainty
Love and connection
Growth
Contribution

One more I can't remember off the top of my head. Understanding how those are or aren't met are part of the puzzle. This thread needs to keep moving so people can understand why they have anxiety and how to beat it

[Steven Miller]

Xerosnake it is great to hear that other people are making the link between needs and anxiety. I'd be interested to hear a bit more about the approach of the course.

I would just re-state that for me, the "needs" that I am referring to are really just whatever it is your mind/body wants most for you to be doing right now, even if its just adjusting your sitting position or taking a bathroom break. We spend so much of our life ignoring what our body and mind is telling us it wants. In this sense, you don't "figure out" what you want. Our mind is very powerful, it already knows, we just have to listen. So why don't we?

I believe its because sometimes, perhaps often, our mind wants us to do things that we have been taught are unacceptable or not morally right or not possible. Like just get up and walk out of the office early because you're tired of being there all day. And I believe sufferers of anxiety have low tolerance for frustration, we have very strong wills. It sounds counter-intuitive but wouldn't you agree? Despite your anxiety, don't you believe that somewhere deep down you really have a very strong will? You have a lot of confidence but somehow it got buried somewhere?

So the problem is we have such a strong will, we really hate it when we are told we can't get what we want. So we train ourselves to ignore our own needs, to avoid that feeling of failure and frustration. And the solution is we repress our all of our wants from consciousness. We become afraid to talk to the guy/girl, because we want something but we have been rejected before and don't want to put up with it again. But by repressing our wants from consciousness for fear of failure, we also repress the things we could achieve, and we never take any risks. We're always waiting for the next person to tell us what to do.

[Im-Suffering]

Xerosnake it is great to hear that other people are making the link between needs and anxiety. I'd be interested to hear a bit more about the approach of the course.

I would just re-state that for me, the "needs" that I am referring to are really just whatever it is your mind/body wants most for you to be doing right now, even if its just adjusting your sitting position or taking a bathroom break. We spend so much of our life ignoring what our body and mind is telling us it wants. In this sense, you don't "figure out" what you want. Our mind is very powerful, it already knows, we just have to listen. So why don't we?

I believe its because sometimes, perhaps often, our mind wants us to do things that we have been taught are unacceptable or not morally right or not possible. Like just get up and walk out of the office early because you're tired of being there all day. And I believe sufferers of anxiety have low tolerance for frustration, we have very strong wills. It sounds counter-intuitive but wouldn't you agree? Despite your anxiety, don't you believe that somewhere deep down you really have a very strong will? You have a lot of confidence but somehow it got buried somewhere?

So the problem is we have such a strong will, we really hate it when we are told we can't get what we want. So we train ourselves to ignore our own needs, to avoid that feeling of failure and frustration. And the solution is we repress our all of our wants from consciousness. We become afraid to talk to the guy/girl, because we want something but we have been rejected before and don't want to put up with it again. But by repressing our wants from consciousness for fear of failure, we also repress the things we could achieve, and we never take any risks. We're always waiting for the next person to tell us what to do.

As I have told all of you on this forum, this type of theatrics, mental masturbation, or rituals, are children's games. Rituals to cure illness is nothing new for you all, as seen through the generations. Each successive sojourn a little more sophisticated according to the development of the intellect. Primitive man, with their medicine men had their own, as well as can be seen by native rain dances, and ceremonies.

The use of rituals, drama, games, is coded in memory, DNA as a method of healing. Only absolute belief will coat the ritual with the magic ingredient to success, if not, you may as well click your heels 3 times and say "I want to go home".

Current man, you, can do CBT and other similar methods, yoga, meditation, hallucinogens, or what is suggested in this post or other threads of 'discovery'. "I'm cured, and this is my method!".

So I will repeat: (for the deaf who cannot see)-

An illness (physical or emotional) is always a failure to solve a mental or psychological problem in the correct manner . . . The energy that would be used to solve the problem instead is spent maintaining the illness. It is therefore necessary that an attempt be made as soon as possible to solve the problem, which of course must first be discovered by the ego, which has avoided it.

This discovery will be extremely unpleasant to the ego. Hence the reason for the burial. But it is exactly where you must go, directly into the pain, no detour, period.

Accompanied by an immediate transformation, where the change in beliefs will almost instantaneously eradicate unpleasant emotions. (And the physical sensations, anxiety, whatever they may be).

There is no other way toward growth than by facing and learning to solve your problems. Especially seeking out the insidious ones. So take the matches away from the children, who are not yet equipped to play with fire.

End.

[NixonRulz]

This thread is so philosophical. And probably way too deep for people to understand what all of this means.

I get the mind body connection and anxiety itself is one of the best examples of it.

But speaking philosophically doesn't make it is any better advice than someone simply stating that meditation was what helped them through

That what worked for them.

For twenty years I have dealt with anxiety in one way or another, although the last 8 or so have been pretty painless

Nothing I can point out caused my anxiety to begin. When I think back, I demonstrated anxious actions as far back in my childhood that I can remember

And frankly, it doesn't matter to me if something did cause it. The point remains that I taught my body to react to the scary thoughts my mind sometimes threw at me

Living with few issues with anxiety now was based on "unlearning" the behaviors and reactions to my thoughts and pains/palpitations.

I don't disagree that some people may develop anxiety based on an event that they can point to in their lives. PTSD is a great example.

Many psychiatrists believe that there has to be something that your mind has to deal with in order to feel better.

Unfortunately, my, and many others Anxiety didn't read the books that they did in school.

I just figure it was in me and would have come out at some point. I don't debate whether anxiety is genetic or learned or both. That's the job for the white coats

Again, it doesn't matter.

I believe people can get "cured" for a lack of a better word in a bunch of different ways. There is no "this is the only way you will get better."

What works for some may or may not work for others. Sometimes it's just trial and error to you find the thing that puts you on the right path.

I hope everyone finds that path sooner rather than later

[Im-Suffering]

This thread is so philosophical......

I hope everyone finds that path sooner rather than later

Thy purpose is to think clearly, and interpret reality as self created, thus performing the adjustments here and there beneficial to the soul. This is accomplished through successive sojourn in different roles. You have truly been a mother, father and child.

Should you realize this after a lifetime of nonsensical games and theatrics, in the very last moments, then it has been constructive. I am giving you this here, so you do not have to wait till the very end for your edification.

Therefor digging up challenges, examining beliefs, questioning self and identity, world views is essential, you can now, muddle through it all, if you wish. But you cannot put off your own evolution forever now, and a day. Learn to solve problems correctly and clearly (the insidious ones) and you will have a disease free life. That is the challenge, for you.

Physical life is the one chosen this go round, for its unique properties, in the way you solve problems, that no other reality can give. The feedback in direct concrete terms is felt intimately in your bodies in response to errs in judgement and thinking, a negative use of the creative faculties. Eventually giving impetus to go within, when without offers you no console or resolution.

Open your ears to hear.

[Steven Miller]

Let me try to make this simpler. I probably should have just said this to start.

A) Do you feel that you don't know what you want more than other people?
B) Do you think this is related to your anxiety?

[NixonRulz]

Again, there lots of words here but I can't make sense of any of it

Not saying it's wrong, just maybe more for the smart people on the forum.

I like where my journey started and where my anxiety ceased to control my life

I feel happier than I ever have been.

Out of curiosity, where did you come up with you opinion?

More curious if it was taught in school or you went through this stellar disorder and that is what got you through.

[Im-Suffering]

Again, there lots of words here but I can't make sense of any of it

Not saying it's wrong, just maybe more for the smart people on the forum.

I like where my journey started and where my anxiety ceased to control my life

I feel happier than I ever have been.

Out of curiosity, where did you come up with you opinion?

More curious if it was taught in school or you went through this stellar disorder and that is what got you through.

I'm glad you are happy *smiles to you*

I'll go with "stellar disorder" because it sounds cool. I like you Nixon, you make me smile :)