I think I just had somewhat of a breakthrough...

[ss_worrier]

Hi all,

I think I just made some success in one of my worst areas of anxiety -- I'm still almost shaking from it but I nevertheless wanted to share it here, since you are all such helpful people.

So, me and my girlfriend are currently in different countries over the summer, and we keep in touch almost all day via text. I have a lot of general anxiety around relationships in general, and ex-boyfriends of hers is probably the worst area for me. When anything even remotely related to her past relationships comes up in my consciousness, it gets my anxiety going so much I can never stop it.

Until right this moment, that is. She mentioned that it was a little awkward how one person she was hanging out with right now was friends with her ex-boyfriend. As soon as I saw his name on my phone screen, I could feel the anxiety coming immediately -- it barely even builds up, it just hits me, and it's as if though I can almost feel this dark hand slowly gripping my brain from behind and making my heart start to race, and my body starts shaking. It's partly because of the thought of her with someone else, but also the idea that she is telling me to make me jealous or something makes me really mad.

So, here's what I did: I turned off my phone, took a few deep breaths, listened to some soothing music, went to the bathroom -- just to occupy myself with something else. Then I managed to ask myself: what if, given how much she clearly loves me, she in fact is not saying these things to make me jealous? What if she means it when she tells me she's glad her life is so much better with me? What if she just mentions these things because that's how she is; very talkative, open and sharing about everything?

I realized that these alternative reasons/scenarios were actually much more plausible. I do know that she is very in love with me. I still don't fully understand her reasons for mentioning past relationships to me -- I've told her it makes me very uncomfortable and I know she tries hard not to, and I certainly don't want to talk about my past relationships with her -- but I realized that it might not be for the reasons that pop up in my mind.

I'm just very proud I managed to question my anxiety and reason with it. I usually can't do that with things like my girlfriend's past relationships, but this time I managed to. I hope I can do it next time around too. Now I'm just going to enjoy this one little success I had today and try to make that feeling stick.

[Irish Sammie]

Good job! another little step along the way to recovery. I do feel that once you're clued up and knowledgeable about your current mind state/symptoms, that's 50% of the battle over with. Without the right tools to tackle your thoughts you'll be left bewildered as to what step to take next. You sound like an over thinker, just like I am. I'm trying to quieten my thoughts by keeping myself occupied with various things throughout the day and I think you touched upon that when explaining how you overcame those anxious thoughts.

People like us need to find ways to find inner peace and find methods of calming ourselves which is a huge task onto itself. Keep doing what you're doing and new doors of healing will open up to you once your gain that confidence the more you're being successful.

Keep going dude :)

[Kixxi]

Hi all,

I think I just made some success in one of my worst areas of anxiety -- I'm still almost shaking from it but I nevertheless wanted to share it here, since you are all such helpful people.

So, me and my girlfriend are currently in different countries over the summer, and we keep in touch almost all day via text. I have a lot of general anxiety around relationships in general, and ex-boyfriends of hers is probably the worst area for me. When anything even remotely related to her past relationships comes up in my consciousness, it gets my anxiety going so much I can never stop it.

Until right this moment, that is. She mentioned that it was a little awkward how one person she was hanging out with right now was friends with her ex-boyfriend. As soon as I saw his name on my phone screen, I could feel the anxiety coming immediately -- it barely even builds up, it just hits me, and it's as if though I can almost feel this dark hand slowly gripping my brain from behind and making my heart start to race, and my body starts shaking. It's partly because of the thought of her with someone else, but also the idea that she is telling me to make me jealous or something makes me really mad.

So, here's what I did: I turned off my phone, took a few deep breaths, listened to some soothing music, went to the bathroom -- just to occupy myself with something else. Then I managed to ask myself: what if, given how much she clearly loves me, she in fact is not saying these things to make me jealous? What if she means it when she tells me she's glad her life is so much better with me? What if she just mentions these things because that's how she is; very talkative, open and sharing about everything?

I realized that these alternative reasons/scenarios were actually much more plausible. I do know that she is very in love with me. I still don't fully understand her reasons for mentioning past relationships to me -- I've told her it makes me very uncomfortable and I know she tries hard not to, and I certainly don't want to talk about my past relationships with her -- but I realized that it might not be for the reasons that pop up in my mind.

I'm just very proud I managed to question my anxiety and reason with it. I usually can't do that with things like my girlfriend's past relationships, but this time I managed to. I hope I can do it next time around too. Now I'm just going to enjoy this one little success I had today and try to make that feeling stick.

Awesome job! Questioning your anxiety is definitely a huge step forward. Your on the road to recovery my friend!

[Exactice]

Huge Huge huge steps warrior. I love im-sufferings statement about Anxiety/Panic. "Its a huge bluff" You just gotta learn to call it. I am 100% ratio is debunking all anxiety attacks..... I laugh now because at the time I was either thinking I was going to die, or something bad was going to happen. And NOPE none of that happened.

Same exact thing with your spouse. You feel uncomfortable but nothing has ever happened right? Its all a bluff. Put your trust in your relationship and your significant other. They are there to support you, So why not support them!

Congrats again! Keep it up!

[JohnC]

One step at a time. One day at time.

[ss_worrier]

:-) :-) :-) Thank you so much, all of you who replied. It really made my day. I don't think there is anything I'm so sustainably proud over as the little successes I have with my anxiety. It kept me happy all of yesterday whenever I thought about it, just knowing, in the evening, that had I not defeated it, I would probably have been in a fight with my girlfriend at that moment, or recovering from one, all while recovering from a very anxious morning. It felt like such a relief, like I'd beaten the thing that has the most negative impact on my life out of everything there is.

My problem has always been believing in myself -- if a fundamental cause of anxiety is yourself (in your anxious mind at least), then why would you believe yourself reassuring yourself that things are OK? But I think at the end of the day that, just like trusting anyone else, is a matter of choice. And I am going to do my absolute best to stick to my choice of trusting myself when I question my anxiety trigger.

Thank you again, all that support and all those reassuring words put a big smile on my face and made this day so much brighter! This forum is fantastic.

[ss_worrier]

...And all of this of course fell apart today since I went out last night and had a few drinks for my friend's birthday. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that alcohol is my worst trigger. I thought I could handle just a few drinks but apparently not even that works, and I'm in a really bad state. Things that usually annoy me make me furious, I'm so irritable and can't find a way to snap out of it. My girlfriend has a way of annoying me at least a little bit one way or the other every time we talk, and now a little thing that usually would have made me just slightly annoyed got me so mad I hung up on her when we were on the phone. On the one hand I know the only way to stay calm now is to ignore her and not think about it, but that also drives my anxiety. So either way I'm stuck with it.

I guess two steps forward one step back is better than nothing...

[Kixxi]

...And all of this of course fell apart today since I went out last night and had a few drinks for my friend's birthday. I KNOW KNOW KNOW that alcohol is my worst trigger. I thought I could handle just a few drinks but apparently not even that works, and I'm in a really bad state. Things that usually annoy me make me furious, I'm so irritable and can't find a way to snap out of it. My girlfriend has a way of annoying me at least a little bit one way or the other every time we talk, and now a little thing that usually would have made me just slightly annoyed got me so mad I hung up on her when we were on the phone. On the one hand I know the only way to stay calm now is to ignore her and not think about it, but that also drives my anxiety. So either way I'm stuck with it.

I guess two steps forward one step back is better than nothing...

I know it can be disheartening when you have a bit of a relapse. Trust me if you have read my posts the past week you probably already know. Do not beat yourself up over this because you made progress anyway. So what you had a little bit of trouble today? Rome wasn't build in a day :) You are going forward because look at you realizing the why and the how :) You've learned to put it in perspective and sometimes we all have to vent our anger/irritation. It's perfectly natural.

[ss_worrier]

I know it can be disheartening when you have a bit of a relapse. Trust me if you have read my posts the past week you probably already know. Do not beat yourself up over this because you made progress anyway. So what you had a little bit of trouble today? Rome wasn't build in a day :) You are going forward because look at you realizing the why and the how :) You've learned to put it in perspective and sometimes we all have to vent our anger/irritation. It's perfectly natural.

:-) Thanks for your encouraging words. I guess it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm capable of progress, but I just hate how this happens: one day I believe that I've thought of some magical formula, I get all comfortable about it and then it disappears as fast as it came. I just never seem to be able to make it stick...

[RavenM]

:-) Thanks for your encouraging words. I guess it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm capable of progress, but I just hate how this happens: one day I believe that I've thought of some magical formula, I get all comfortable about it and then it disappears as fast as it came. I just never seem to be able to make it stick...


I feel the same way. But that's anxiety-you are going to have your bad and good days. What counts is the fact that you have good days! Let that show you that you are on the road to recovery and that you are capable of defeating your anxiety. Let that be your inspiration on the days that seem more like a step backward than a step forward. Just know that it's normal and you aren't alone in this. Keep fighting and you'll see the bad days become more of a thing of the past. :)

[Im-Suffering]

:-) Thanks for your encouraging words. I guess it's somewhat comforting to know that I'm capable of progress, but I just hate how this happens: one day I believe that I've thought of some magical formula, I get all comfortable about it and then it disappears as fast as it came. I just never seem to be able to make it stick...

The instructions on a tube of glue say to clean the surface first or the adhesive won't stick, permanently. Your magical formula is in the parable.

[RavenM]

The instructions on a tube of glue say to clean the surface first or the adhesive won't stick, permanently. Your magical formula is in the parable.


I enjoy how you worded that! It's very true. :)