Marijuana Induced Hell (PLEASE READ/HELP)

[apoplexy]

Hi,
In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other shit that’s been hard to deal with.
Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that bullshit fucking pot.
I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, am going to do the Linden method, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.
I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I fucked up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

[Kixxi]

Hi,
In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other shit that’s been hard to deal with.
Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that bullshit fucking pot.
I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, am going to do the Linden method, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.
I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I fucked up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

Hi apolexy,

I was stupid as well 7 years ago and had an averse reaction with a massive panic attack. My heart was beating out of my chest and I thought for sure I was going to die. During therapy they did explain to me that smoking weed had probably induced the panic attack but that there were other causes as well. I stopped completely after that attack and I am so glad I did, because the attack I had then was the worst one I even had. To be honest, I think that this didn't set off my panic attacks but it just brought what was underneath to the surface. Anxiety is usually caused by multiple things, not just the one, although smoking weed has been one of my biggest regrets and stupid mistakes.

Now I need to tell you that you haven't ruined your life and that you can turn this around, just like I did. Many, many people suffer from anxiety from different reasons and it can be managed. It takes a lot of practice and different types of treatments, but I can tell you that the first time your in control again you will feel so brilliant! I know you will get through this as well. I am starting to feel like my old self again, without all the bad influences in my life that caused me to get multiple anxiety disorders, including agoraphobia, social anxiety, etc. You will get better, you just need the right treatments. You are already on a good path by being here and asking for help.

[Jesse Adams]

I had a similar experience back in 2002. Trust me, I know what you are going through. It is a living hell!!! What has happened is that you've been left WAY to open to the astral plane. This can happen if you have certain genetic predispositions and then you ingest WAY to much THC. It also often happens to people who use LSD. Fortunately, I've found something that helps me tremendously. It's called Bach flower Remedies. The aspen variety is the one you will need. Now, it doesn't cure the problem completely, but if you are like me it will bring it to a manageable level. I hope you get this message, because I know you posted this a while ago, and like I said I know what kind of hell you are going through. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me. ...So just google aspen Bach Flower Remedies, and maybe add the words astral plane, and you should get plenty of information on it. I tried to post a link, but this site would not let me, sorry. Best of luck to you my friend!

[TianaStar]

Hi to the original poster, I hope that you are not living in hell. Hopefully you will read what others have said.
Well in a nutshell, I was told and I researched (online) the good affects of Marijuana for people with anxiety/GAD. I have suffered with this for years and it wasn't until last year that I started to smoke. I was always working, but I worked in Healthcare and my anxiety got worse. I quit my job, and before looking for another, I started to smoke.
First time, was great. Second time, nice. Third time, it must've been the "shotguns" but I had a bad "trip" I was hallucinating and thank goodness my friend has been smoking for years and helped me get through it. I was in the bathroom seeing heads go in circles, and I was hyperventilating, and I was panicking worse. I realize that marijuana isn't for everybody. I smoked recently and it makes me feel out of body.

I was living a normal life before I got on Valium 10mg 3xper day. I started to hang out with drug users, and I started to get a distorted sense of reality.
I'm in college now, and I usually just cope. Memory. ..poor.. .and when I talk, sometimes people seem to think I'm speaking another language- It comes out all jumbled.
I've been on Valium 6+years and I guess my point is, fight back! Don't ever give up. I wouldn't recommend smoking to anyone who has panic attacks, the THC is usually strong and for me, I was scared to death. I recorded myself too, on my phone. I kept nodding in and out, and talking crazy. I looked a mess!
Hang in there! If you ever see this response.

GOOD LUCK

[Weasel27]

Marijuana can be a beautiful, incredibly healing, and mentally liberating experience IF (and this is a BIG "if"), you have the discipline to completely accept it and permit it to do what it does. The moment you try to "fight" it, is the moment when you can start having extremely paradoxical and unpleasant reactions to it. Over the past 20 years, I've been both an occasional recreational user, as well as a daily medicinal user. Currently I smoke every night, and have virtually no problems with it, however I can completely relate to the OP's story, because it happened to me the first time I got high. I was expecting an alcohol-like intoxication, and was in no way prepared for what I was about to experience. I didn't understand the difference between being drunk and stoned, and didn't realize that the two were mutually exclusive. You get "fucked up" when you drink alcohol. When you're high, you're (sometimes uncomfortably) forced to take a tour of your own subconscious mind. It's a much more complex experience than what I expected at the tender age of 16 when I first tried it, and truth be told I was terrified. My interest was peaked however, so I continued to experiment.

Now as an adult, I rarely have any problems with marijuana. From time to time I do get a little panicky when a buzz hits me a little harder than I originally expected, but the panic subsides rapidly and I usually continue with my smoking session after I calm myself down. I use primarily as a "release" for my anxiety at the end of the day, and as a sleep aid. What On top of my anxiety I also suffered from insomnia, and weed is a hell of a lot better for you than Ambien. I don't think anyone could argue that point. No, my only issues now with pot are self-loathing in nature...Mainly judging myself for being a stoner / pothead / whatever. I really don't like using any sort of chemical crutch, but weed is so goddamn effective for me that I wish I could be baked all day. As for the OP's tales of depersonalization stemming from a bad weed experience, I can totally relate. It did that to me in the beginning. Like I said before, marijuana might be harmless in the sense that you can't OD from it, but it is a powerful substance nonetheless. If you're not careful, you can wind up blowing your mind and opening up pathways that take a while to close.

[JustaGal]

Hi,
In December of 2012 I made a completely moronic mistake. I smoked a lot of weed and had a panic attack. I took a few hits of a joint, was already too high without realizing it and then I got passed a vaporizer and hit that without realizing how powerful it was. I didn’t even know what a vaporizer was, it was my 3rd time smoking pot in my life and it has been haunting me to this day.

The next day when I woke up I felt what I later found out to be depersonalization/derealisation. I went on an SSRI and after 2 months of complete HELL I was able to live…decently. That being said, my anxiety was through the roof, I was having physical symptoms that I never, ever had – or even knew existed for that matter, I’ve been getting weird, annoying thoughts, halos around lights, visual distortions and a bunch of other shit that’s been hard to deal with.
Now I’m really ambitious and despite feeling this way I just kept pushing through, I ended up moving cities, switching my life, was studying nonstop, doing music production, working, blah blah and I had a panic attack one day that seems to have relapsed me into the exact same hell that I endured when I smoked that bullshit fucking pot.
I should also mention that I got off of my SSRI about 3-4months ago because of sexual side effects and I think that was a bad idea. I’m back on Ciprilex 10mg, in a mood and anxiety program, I’ve purchased a couple programs, am going to do the Linden method, im eating better (when I can actually eat), going to the gym, etc. I will do ANYTHING to get my life back. Before this I was a 3.97GPA student and I was making good money, loving life. Now I can’t go to school this September and I’m flat broke – I feel like I’m living in hell.
I knew I had GAD before this but it was always controllable. I was always told marijuana was good for anxiety and I know firsthand that for me, it’s not. I obviously triggered a latent disorder or exacerbated my pre-existing condition but I am praying that I can get it back to where it used to be (its 100x worse in every way possible) and get rid of this depersonalization in time.

Has anybody ever experienced a reaction to marijuana like this? I fucked up, I know it but I’m praying I didn’t ruin my life/future. I'm not suicidal and I'm absolutely determined to get better, I will fight nonstop and do everything necessary -- but in 5 years if I'm still living like this I would honestly kill myself. I do not want to die and just the thought of that and having these thoughts in my head are killing me because I have so much good to offer the world and I love life more than anything, it's truly beautiful, I want to be me again.

Please help me. I’m desperate.

Hi. I have had bad marijuana experiences. I would look for a place in your area that does cleansing drugs out of the system. This is not uncommon. One great way to detox is infra red saunas. You will be ok. Be patient.