withstand
06-05-2014, 08:43 PM
Hey everyone!
I've never tried using a forum as support, but at the moment, I can't think of anyone to call or my family to talk to about how I'm feeling at the moment, so I'm coming here for some sort of anonymity and a generally neutral perspective on my life.
And about me, well, it's hard to begin and I don't really want to ramble (I do it a lot, especially in person. I talk a lot and I tend to go all over the place. One guy described it as listening to a six-year-old.) Anyway, I'm 21, and I'm a male, if that helps? I've dealt with mildish anxiety over my life, but it's honestly hard to pin point exactly when it started or how (I like to be specific. I'm all about details, you could say.) I used to be really shy in social situations, but not so much anymore. I have a lot of friend groups, but I feel more comfortable in one than the others. My anxiety usually stems from overthinking and analyzing things to in-depth. Also, I would like to say I'm really self-aware, but I'm not too sure. That's another thing, I'm never too sure about things because I over think and over analyze things. It's a viscous cycle, you could say. Anyway, most of the time I'm not really overthinking things on the surface of my mind, but it's more like a thing I just do now, along with the over analyzing. Like, I do it all the time to the point where it's just normal to me until I do it more so than usual and I really notice it. Anyway, my thought process is a bit fast. I'm careful and cautious, and I tread lightly in social situations and even by myself. I'm very idealistic. It's the reason I'm well liked among my friends. People tell me all the time how nice and genuine I am, and I think it's true? But it's hard for you guys to judge that through just a forum post from an anonymous forum poster.
I'm trying to narrow this down, but I'm afraid it won't be enough, but I'm trying to practice leaving out unimportant details, but I tend to think to myself, "Those might be important, though." It's hard to get outside of my head. I'm obviously a worrywort.
I'll just list some things, I guess. Feel free to ask questions if need be. I can be really specific. Usually.
-I've never been in a relationship (it doesn't bother me too much, but I am bit late to the game as a 21 year old, so I've missed out on some different things in life like romance and what not)
-I smoke cigarettes daily, usually a pack. I think it's more of an oral fixation than a physical addiction. It's hard to drive my car without one, and pretty much all my friends smoke, so if someone lights up, then I think to myself, "Hey, yeah. Those exist. I'll smoke one too."
-I've smoked marijuana in the past a handful of times, but they were generally terrifying experiences. I haven't smoked for about eight months now. I don't plan on smoking again at the moment.
-I used to struggle with body image issues, mostly due to acne, but my acne has subsided a lot (accutane). Also, comparing myself to movie stars and models. Bad idea. There are all types of beauty. I'm way better now. I feel good about myself.
-I talk really fast and tend to trip on my words.
-I like to talk a lot, but I usually only reach that point if I'm comfortable and know my "audience" will enjoy or find interest in what I'm saying
-I'd like to think of myself as a really funny person, but it's hard to tell.
-I can become manic on occasions and the only way to stop it is by distracting myself with something like an instrument.
-I drink on occasion.
-At this point, I'm starting to wonder if this is a good idea or not. Actually that brings up another thing.
-(refer to previous dash line fact) I deal with paranoia, and sometimes mild delusions. I was almost diagnosed with schizophrenia, but now I'm diagnosed as OCD, Anxiety and a thought disorder. Possibly depression. It's hard to tell.
I guess I should mention medication:
-Prozac (off of it now)
-Risperdal (off of it now)
-Geodon (off of it now)
-Stratera (lasted two weeks, decided it wasn't for me)
-Klonopin (only medication I'm on)
-Vyvanse (First few days of the month I was on it were great, but then it got really bad. Off of it now.)
I'm not entirely sure if this is the appropriate place to post this being that it's a welcoming board, but I guess it would make sense to post it here because it's about welcoming myself and introducing who I am and what I deal with.
Anyway, I need to get going.
I'm really excited to be apart of this community and help others out too. I hope I don't get scared and delete my account and not come back. Anyway, yeah.
Have a good one! :)
I've never tried using a forum as support, but at the moment, I can't think of anyone to call or my family to talk to about how I'm feeling at the moment, so I'm coming here for some sort of anonymity and a generally neutral perspective on my life.
And about me, well, it's hard to begin and I don't really want to ramble (I do it a lot, especially in person. I talk a lot and I tend to go all over the place. One guy described it as listening to a six-year-old.) Anyway, I'm 21, and I'm a male, if that helps? I've dealt with mildish anxiety over my life, but it's honestly hard to pin point exactly when it started or how (I like to be specific. I'm all about details, you could say.) I used to be really shy in social situations, but not so much anymore. I have a lot of friend groups, but I feel more comfortable in one than the others. My anxiety usually stems from overthinking and analyzing things to in-depth. Also, I would like to say I'm really self-aware, but I'm not too sure. That's another thing, I'm never too sure about things because I over think and over analyze things. It's a viscous cycle, you could say. Anyway, most of the time I'm not really overthinking things on the surface of my mind, but it's more like a thing I just do now, along with the over analyzing. Like, I do it all the time to the point where it's just normal to me until I do it more so than usual and I really notice it. Anyway, my thought process is a bit fast. I'm careful and cautious, and I tread lightly in social situations and even by myself. I'm very idealistic. It's the reason I'm well liked among my friends. People tell me all the time how nice and genuine I am, and I think it's true? But it's hard for you guys to judge that through just a forum post from an anonymous forum poster.
I'm trying to narrow this down, but I'm afraid it won't be enough, but I'm trying to practice leaving out unimportant details, but I tend to think to myself, "Those might be important, though." It's hard to get outside of my head. I'm obviously a worrywort.
I'll just list some things, I guess. Feel free to ask questions if need be. I can be really specific. Usually.
-I've never been in a relationship (it doesn't bother me too much, but I am bit late to the game as a 21 year old, so I've missed out on some different things in life like romance and what not)
-I smoke cigarettes daily, usually a pack. I think it's more of an oral fixation than a physical addiction. It's hard to drive my car without one, and pretty much all my friends smoke, so if someone lights up, then I think to myself, "Hey, yeah. Those exist. I'll smoke one too."
-I've smoked marijuana in the past a handful of times, but they were generally terrifying experiences. I haven't smoked for about eight months now. I don't plan on smoking again at the moment.
-I used to struggle with body image issues, mostly due to acne, but my acne has subsided a lot (accutane). Also, comparing myself to movie stars and models. Bad idea. There are all types of beauty. I'm way better now. I feel good about myself.
-I talk really fast and tend to trip on my words.
-I like to talk a lot, but I usually only reach that point if I'm comfortable and know my "audience" will enjoy or find interest in what I'm saying
-I'd like to think of myself as a really funny person, but it's hard to tell.
-I can become manic on occasions and the only way to stop it is by distracting myself with something like an instrument.
-I drink on occasion.
-At this point, I'm starting to wonder if this is a good idea or not. Actually that brings up another thing.
-(refer to previous dash line fact) I deal with paranoia, and sometimes mild delusions. I was almost diagnosed with schizophrenia, but now I'm diagnosed as OCD, Anxiety and a thought disorder. Possibly depression. It's hard to tell.
I guess I should mention medication:
-Prozac (off of it now)
-Risperdal (off of it now)
-Geodon (off of it now)
-Stratera (lasted two weeks, decided it wasn't for me)
-Klonopin (only medication I'm on)
-Vyvanse (First few days of the month I was on it were great, but then it got really bad. Off of it now.)
I'm not entirely sure if this is the appropriate place to post this being that it's a welcoming board, but I guess it would make sense to post it here because it's about welcoming myself and introducing who I am and what I deal with.
Anyway, I need to get going.
I'm really excited to be apart of this community and help others out too. I hope I don't get scared and delete my account and not come back. Anyway, yeah.
Have a good one! :)