The viscious cycle of the problem solver

[Ankhsious]

Greetings, I went through severe panic/depression/anxiety 7 years ago and brought it under control with great difficulty. I always presumed it was a stressful yet rewarding job and unreasonable boss that drove me there.

But I've been off work for two years trying to decide what I want to do with my life now that I am 'semi-retired', I have enough money to do anything but not nothing.

Well, I guess two years of ruminating over this topic without finding an answer has manifested feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and perhaps even failure. So I am now back to severe panic attacks, particularly first thing in the morning at around 5:00 am.

I KNOW that I need to stop triggering my nervous system and calm down or I won't be any use in any working capacity nor to my family and friends. But I also know that I won't be happy 'doing nothing' so it's hard to argue with the 'guy' in my head who's trying to figure out the life puzzle.

"If I just come up with the right plan then I can take the summer off to get better and start working when I am ready" <------- sounds compelling doesn't it?

So I guess this post is :

1. an intro and call out for help and advice
2. wondering if anyone has thought about the question of how to choose a suitable job that vibrates with your "post anxiety" self

[Anne1221]

What are your interests/passions and what do you find interesting/exciting? That's a good place to start. Many people have changed careers and switched to something that is more fulfiling. I was watching a show a few night's ago where a man went from an advertising executive to a chef!

[Im-Suffering]

Greetings, I went through severe panic/depression/anxiety 7 years ago and brought it under control with great difficulty. I always presumed it was a stressful yet rewarding job and unreasonable boss that drove me there.

But I've been off work for two years trying to decide what I want to do with my life now that I am 'semi-retired', I have enough money to do anything but not nothing.

Well, I guess two years of ruminating over this topic without finding an answer has manifested feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and perhaps even failure. So I am now back to severe panic attacks, particularly first thing in the morning at around 5:00 am.

I KNOW that I need to stop triggering my nervous system and calm down or I won't be any use in any working capacity nor to my family and friends. But I also know that I won't be happy 'doing nothing' so it's hard to argue with the 'guy' in my head who's trying to figure out the life puzzle.

"If I just come up with the right plan then I can take the summer off to get better and start working when I am ready" <------- sounds compelling doesn't it?

So I guess this post is :

1. an intro and call out for help and advice
2. wondering if anyone has thought about the question of how to choose a suitable job that vibrates with your "post anxiety" self

I have bolded your beliefs, period. Within the web is your core beliefs. Your words will show you where you need to work, and it is not on the outside. The work to be done is internal. And it dates back many years. Time to get to it !

Your anxiety and life issues are tied to money and self worth, the strongest sensations at 5AM signals a time of day when most people are rising up to go to work, and in your terms, be productive humans.It is time now, to get down to the real business, the real work, period, and you will be set free, your soul will let up the pressure, if you understand.

[Ankhsious]

I have bolded your beliefs, period. Within the web is your core beliefs. Your words will show you where you need to work, and it is not on the outside. The work to be done is internal. And it dates back many years. Time to get to it !

Your anxiety and life issues are tied to money and self worth, the strongest sensations at 5AM signals a time of day when most people are rising up to go to work, and in your terms, be productive humans.It is time now, to get down to the real business, the real work, period, and you will be set free, your soul will let up the pressure, if you understand.

Thank you for this and you are bang on. I have always attached my self image to overachieving. I have tried to take a step back and pursue my hobbies and interests - I seem to get by really well in the summer during golf and tennis and pool season but the winter was long and it put me into a 'what am I doing with my life' cycle. On some level I think it's normal to do so but for some reason, not having an answer is causing me to assault myself with panic. ie. the GRAVITY of having to find an answer seems exaggerated because, as you say, I am focused outward.

I did complete a yoga teacher training course but I feel my approach to yoga and even my other passions is still weighted on the intellectual side rather than the intuitive/heart side. But I don't know how to change it even though I recognize in here lies the work that needs to be done to turn down my hyperactive amygdala (or whatever it is that is oversensitive).

Deep down I know that this pattern came from growing up a visible minority in a small town and feeling an outsider. Overachievement was my "I'll show them" and the adrenaline wave served me well for many years.

The last two years I have spent a lot of time on my passions - music, painting, exercise, yoga, gardening, helping kids with homework but something is still missing. If what's missing is inside then I need better tools to find it. If what's missing is outside then I don't know where else to look and I am exhausted trying!

[Im-Suffering]

Thank you for this and you are bang on. I have always attached my self image to overachieving. I have tried to take a step back and pursue my hobbies and interests - I seem to get by really well in the summer during golf and tennis and pool season but the winter was long and it put me into a 'what am I doing with my life' cycle. On some level I think it's normal to do so but for some reason, not having an answer is causing me to assault myself with panic. ie. the GRAVITY of having to find an answer seems exaggerated because, as you say, I am focused outward.

I did complete a yoga teacher training course but I feel my approach to yoga and even my other passions is still weighted on the intellectual side rather than the intuitive/heart side. But I don't know how to change it even though I recognize in here lies the work that needs to be done to turn down my hyperactive amygdala (or whatever it is that is oversensitive).

Deep down I know that this pattern came from growing up a visible minority in a small town and feeling an outsider. Overachievement was my "I'll show them" and the adrenaline wave served me well for many years.

The last two years I have spent a lot of time on my passions - music, painting, exercise, yoga, gardening, helping kids with homework but something is still missing. If what's missing is inside then I need better tools to find it. If what's missing is outside then I don't know where else to look and I am exhausted trying!

Its always inside, no exceptions.

The tools for inner work will come according to your desire. So put the effort, day by day, into getting to know you, clearly, know thyself, that is thy only purpose. Focus. You are not concerned now with yoga, or your body. It will operate fine on its own. Better, if left alone as your thoughts shift away from it. Soul work, in certain terms, is what you are after.

Close examination of your belief systems, both conscious and the core. The conscious will always attach to the core, and the core is the cause of the issues. Regardless, neither are facts, once peeled away, your feelings will tell you who you are. But you've got to get to peeling ! Take time.

[Penguin]

I think you should ease into a part-time job related to your likes and interests. For example, if you like animals then try working at a pet store or dog walking, if you like kids then you can get into babysitting 1-2 kids... i'm not sure what your credentials are and your work history but judging by your anxiety and being off for 2 years, getting into something easy and not so strenuous would be a good place to start. It gives you some hours during the week to stay busy instead of doing nothing. Good luck :)