I HATE ANXIETY

[kac374]

I have been suffering with anxiety for about 34yrs, oh and Im 34 yrs old. I remember as a child being afraid of everything from school to ambulances. As I got older my fears grew into being afraid someone would physically hurt me...which began my fear of death. I started using alcohol, leading to more anxiety symptoms. I have been in public places and have called 911, afraid I was dying. I have been hospitalized for depression, anxiety and alcohol abuse 6 times, with no results or solutions. I have seen many doctors (including counselors) and have had many tests ( including ct scans, stress tests, colonoscopy, endoscopy, breathing tests, blood tests etc....and yes there are more) with everything coming back as normal, and was told I just have anxiety. I have tried many pills...many, many pills. Xanax being the only one that works, yet if I miss a dose of that, i get withdrawals, hence panic attacks. I can barely make it to work, I can't drive on the highway, I freak out around too many people, and I wonder if it will ever end. I HATE ANXIETY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :cry:

[anx_taking_over_my_life]

Hello,
Geez, I can't imagine how horrible you must be feeling. I developed anxiety about 3 months ago and sounds like nothing what your going through. Although many days I don't even want to get out of bed because then I would have to deal with my anxiety and it's symptoms. It's horrible because day to day living that was once so easy becomes a real struggle for me. I feel I can't really talk to anyone about this because people won't understand.

[joey9]

Hi,

You sound like you've had it bad. I have always been anxious since a child but not to the extremes that you seem to have. At the risk of sparking a nature/nuture debate I strongly believe that some of us are born with innate sensitivity, which makes us fearful of new situations/things. If we can desensitise to these fears then we can overcome them, but our underlying sensitivity will be with us always. So I am also a firm believer in choosing an environment that suits our personality rather then trying to force ourselves into situations where we don't seem to 'fit', for example career choice etc. Of course we should learn to overcome the fears that we can, but sustained and prolonged exposure to stressors will inevitably lead to increased anxiety.

Quite obviously you have tried many many treatments and I'm not a therapist so I can't tell you anything that you don't already know. But I'm just interested to know whether there are any situations where you don't feel anxiety? Do you feel relaxed in any particular places?

[Dixxie]

So I am also a firm believer in choosing an environment that suits our personality rather then trying to force ourselves into situations where we don't seem to 'fit', for example career choice etc. Of course we should learn to overcome the fears that we can, but sustained and prolonged exposure to stressors will inevitably lead to increased anxiety.



I agree with you, yes yes yes.

[quadracersteve]

I feel your pain, my friend. I too was born with severe anxiety, panic attacks. Have had it for 32 yrs of my life. Lost all my friends (but I don't blame them. I wouldn't call myself either if I was always coming up with excuses as to why I didn't want to go do things or wanting to leave once we got there). I dropped out of college twice and lost a job directly because of anxiety. I've seen all types of psycs, been put on every type of antidepression med with NO help at all. Finally Klonipin, which worked O.K. but didn't last long enough. Finally Xanax which was a godsend. Like it was made for me. After 2 yrs on it I decided to get off (just to see how I was feeling), and when my anxiety came back I called my doc just to find out he had retired. Since then NO ONE will even think about puting me back on Xanax. It's almost a taboo word in the medical community. I've read on different forums about lots of people being put on it, so I don't get that. I'm now on Ativan which sucks. Hardly any help to me at all. I've lost ALL faith in the medical community. Like you I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do. I apologise for rambling, it's just that this is my first time writing in.

[Dixxie]

I feel your pain, my friend. I too was born with severe anxiety, panic attacks. Have had it for 32 yrs of my life. Lost all my friends (but I don't blame them. I wouldn't call myself either if I was always coming up with excuses as to why I didn't want to go do things or wanting to leave once we got there). I dropped out of college twice and lost a job directly because of anxiety. I've seen all types of psycs, been put on every type of antidepression med with NO help at all. Finally Klonipin, which worked O.K. but didn't last long enough. Finally Xanax which was a godsend. Like it was made for me. After 2 yrs on it I decided to get off (just to see how I was feeling), and when my anxiety came back I called my doc just to find out he had retired. Since then NO ONE will even think about puting me back on Xanax. It's almost a taboo word in the medical community. I've read on different forums about lots of people being put on it, so I don't get that. I'm now on Ativan which sucks. Hardly any help to me at all. I've lost ALL faith in the medical community. Like you I'm at my wits end and don't know what else to do. I apologise for rambling, it's just that this is my first time writing in.

Good morning Steve, hope you don't mind me shortening your name here. I was just looking up Xanax in this book I am reading and found it to be like Ativan......but you say Ativan doesn't help at all. Sorry to hear that. I keep ativan with me at all time for just in case. Yes it works. I have just started Effexor (only 2nd day) and hope it will help my overall anxiety. Yesterday I felt absolutely buzzzzzzzed at only 37.5 mlgr. I am supposed to take as much as 150 ml. I doubt I can do that.

Anyway, back to you friend. All I can say is to find out why Xanax is banned, so to speak, like from the pharmacist. I sure hope you can find a doctor or psychotherapist maybe that can help you. I am in the process of setting up an appt with a therapist for myself, to see if there is anything else I should be changing in my life. I am fit, and have a fairly stable family life. There are some issues with my personal marriage though. ;o

Hey, talk to ya again!

[ski-li]

I feel your pain. I grew up as a very anxious child. I remember hating going to school and getting on the school bus with children staring at me was the worst! I have always had a fear of being judged/watched. I'm 32 years old now and still suffer from the pain of my childhood but I'm slowly getting better.

I've never taken any medication but one thing that has helped me greatly is breathing deep/meditation and self help books. Authors like Joyce Meyer, Nathaniel Brandon and Eckhart Tolle are starting to change my life. I learned that my depression stemmed from my father who was overly negative and never expressed any emotion. So I grew up having trouble identifying with people because I was afraid to express my emotions. So I ended up isolating myself from the world.

I too suffer from anxiety, especially when I am in large groups of people I do not know.

I understand some people need medication but I'm really against it for the most part. Medication provides temporary relief but doesn't address the root of the problem so you continue taking medication over and over again but not dealing with the root of the issue. Not to be insensitive to others here who are taking medication because I realize some people's anxiety gets so extreme they have to take something.

I do wish you all the best. Remember, you're not alone.

[quadracersteve]

I'm on 1 mg. of Ativan 2 times a day and all it does for me is act just like a sedative, makes me very tired, but my anxiety is still there at the same level. Even after taking my last pill at about noon I'm wiped out when I get home from work. On Fathers Day, after being on it for a few days, I hoped it would work (tested it out) so I made plans to go golfing with my dad so I took my med, waited about 45 min, drove to the course and was so overwhelmed with everything, especially having to be paired up with people even though I 'm quite good, suffered a full-blown panic attack, I turned to my dad and apopogized and said we had to go. This sucks. I'm FAR from being depressed which makes it even worse. I just got my old records from my original doctor to bring to my new doc next week. Hope that helps some. It kinda makes me frustrated to read over my docs notes describing how after trying everything at first how much better EVERYTHING was when he finally put me on the right med. For the record, I had NEVER heard of Xanax until he put me on it. In fact, I thought he was putting me on "Zantac" for my stomach and actually argued with him saying that it won't work. But of course it did. That's my storry in a nutshell.

[Dixxie]

Quadracersteve, I really feel your sadness....but please don't be.....first of all do you know you can ask for .5 Ativan and not just the 1.0 Ativan? The lesser dose doesnt' make you as sleepy. I was on the 1.0 when I was really bad and still had to work full-time with my accountant. I have .5 now and only take if I can't control the buzzzzing in my head. The attacks are subsiding.....

You must get some books and do SELF HELP! It really will work. You have to practise the exercises and believe what they are writing in the book. The one I am reading is called "Painfully Shy" by Barbara Markway and Gregory Markway (both PHD's) It's about "How to Overcome Social Anxiety and Reclaim your LIfe."

That Effexor that I was subscribed last week, is poison for me!!!! I felt so sick. No more antidepressants for me. They don't address the issue.

Can you join a group? Check with main Centre for Mental Illness in your city. I went to one in our city that was written up in our main newspaper. Many well known celebrities had been there too. We don't stand alone Steve. Can you look on the internet under Social Anxiety? See what you come up with. :)

[quadracersteve]

I apologize in advance if I come across sounding nasty I'm just real frustrated. .5 Ativan, for me, is like taking a Kava pill at GNC. Does nothing. This med is not for me. I agree about all SSRI's. Talk about a "mind altering drug!" I can remember a few times, getting out of a hot shower, the room would spin and I would loose my balance so badly it's just sheer luck that I didn't fall over and split my head open. Many bad experiences.

Yes I did ask my psych about any groups or meetings and she kinda smiled and said that would be a good idea but "No" there are not any aroud that she knows about. Even said I should start one up. Had to remind her why I was seeing her. ;)


Self-help books aren't going to help me feel comfortable just being out. I was never a recluse, had a handful of friends, ones that I made way back in 1st, 2nd grade. I did the whole sports, dances, mall-rat,movie, clubing, dating thing. It was just that I was the one always real uncomfortable. Back then I never knew what anxiety was, just that it made me feel sick or scared, thinking " I'm only --yrs old and I feel like I'm going to die" or "This can't be any good for my heart or any of my organs, my body is wearing out too soon." Understand that this is only my opinion but, I don't believe in life-after-death so I want what I have left here to be as fun and inspiring as possible and give people I know a reason to have hope for me. I shouldn't have to work at dealing with something like this. I'm an advocate for ANY med that works. It's my guess that the doctors nowadays don't have much first- hand experience with these older, more powerful, drugs. Drugs that , for me, have much less side-effects to deal with and work WAY better. They just read some journal or hear about it just like any office gossip and make their decision about them on that. I'm going to tell my doc this week that if he is so worried about abuse, he has my cell#, he can call me in, any day or time, and his nurse can count out what I have left just to satisfy him. Can't thing of anything else that would work.