Hey there, anyone had relationships effected by their anxiety?

[sarahadella]

Hi everyone, I'm Sarah, Im 26 and I'm currently going through another period where anxiety is taking over my life and causing problems.

I have suffered from anxiety since I was a small child, I developed OCD around 8 and I believe this to be linked to my anxiety. My anxiety is always there but comes and goes in severity. I went through a stage of worrying obsessively that my family were okay, always edgy. nervous, unable to relax. It got so bad at one point that as soon as my phone would ring I would assume it was bad news and my heart would start beating faster etc.... However recently I have been more settled then ever after meeting my partner, he is calm, relaxed and this often rubs off on me..

I am with a loving, caring partner and we have been together for aound 8 months now. Only recently have I noticed my anxiety creeping in and effecting our relationship and I desperately want to control this before it causes problems. I feel I have managed my anxiety for the past six months better then ever, however over this past few weeks I have found myself getting upset and anxious for no reason. Needing constant reassurance from my partner that he still loves me, worrying that he is going to end our relationship all the time, needing to speak to him more and more. The behavoiur is irrational as nothing has changed, and we are very much in love. I know he has noticed a change in my behaviour though, and I want to try and manage this anxiety better. It is simply that I am so happy, that I am constantly worried that it is going to change...

I know that it is silly to worry about things like this, I just don't want to annoy him any more with my constant need for reassurance.

Any tips or even stories about how anxiety has effected your relationships would be welcome.

Sarah

[jessed03]

Hey Sarah.

If other things in your life are ok, sometimes you can get away with anxiety in a relationship. I've found when there are money worries, or health worries or distance problems on top of that, it can be a heck of a battle. Usually something snaps.

I had to break up with somebody I cared very much for because of anxiety. Part of me was glad I could dedicate myself to getting better, but part of me knew I just couldn't hold on and make it work, and neither could she any longer.

I know that's a tad different to your story, but, hey :)

You sound very mature about things though. Much more mature than I've been about things in the past. You seem to know your weaknesses.

Just going by your post it sounds like you have a compulsion element there. Some people feel compulsions to check locks all the time to make sure they're locked. Different actions, same motivations.

I'm wondering if you'd say you have an obsessive nature in general? Some people do. I think I'm one. I can get crazy obsessive, and with that comes compulsions. Especially in my work. In the past I've constantly sought reassurance for things I'm doing, at very regular intervals. It can be a pain.

But compulsion is just like an addiction. In fact it is an addiction. It's an addiction to validation, and an addiction to reassurance.

One of the best ways to beat anxiety, is to stop playing Anxiety. Don't play the game.

Not playing the game means to get over the addiction. Like alcoholics, you break the addiction by not doing the thing you're addicted to. But you go one minute at a time. If possible, try to break the addiction. Try to break your need for validation. Go a while without doing it if you can, or if you can't, at least reduce the amount you do it, and try and go without sometimes. If you feel you need to do or something for validation, don't. Don't do it. Or, at least wait, wait for a while and do it later. Try and weaken any compulsive urges you have.

And if you can, try and work on your anxiety aside from your relationship. That always helps.

It's nice to meet you. :)

[superchick22684]

Welcome to the forum Sarah. I can relate to you in regards to not wanting to let your anxiety affect your relationship. I just started seeing a therapist for counseling again due to my anxiety causing extra stress on the relationship with my boyfriend. Like you I've also found myself getting upset and anxious for no reason. I also know exactly what you're talking about in regards to needing reassurance and worrying that he is going to end the relationship. Those are two of the reasons that I decided to go back to counseling. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over the year and sometime in the last few months the needing reassurance and worrying that he will break up with me became a constant problem. It was causing conflict. He has been a great supporter of me going back to therapy.

Prior to my current relationship I dated someone for about 2 months and my anxiety completely wrecked the relationship. It basically boiled down to the fact that he wanted me to get help without any obligation by him to support me. He also had no interest in learning about what I was dealing with. I'm much happier now. :)

Not to be nosy but have you been in therapy or thought about trying it out? This is my second time in therapy and I find that it helps me to vocalize some of my thoughts and worries and once they are out in the open I feel better.

[daisydoo17]

Hi Sarah. I am in a situation where I feel like my anxiety is going to ruin my relationship. I have been with my fiance 4 years (we got engaged march 16) Last night, after a panic attack, I cried to him asking how could he even want to marry someone like me. I am afraid to have children; how could I take care of them if I'm having an attack or constantly worried about something terrible happening?
I'm at the point now where I want to break off the engagement; to tell my fiance he deserves someone better than me, someone who he can be happy with. When I asked him last night why he even would want to marry me, he said he loved me and that I would be a great mother. So I guess he supports that, however I dont think he understands the magnitude of my feelings (which, to someone who does not suffer from anxiety, I guess I shouldnt expect him to)

[JaneDoe27]

Hi Sarah, I do not suffer from anxiety myself but my boyfriend does. His high anxiety and panic attacks have affected our relationship quite badly, that is until he finally opened up to me about what he was thinking and feeling. It spurred me to try and educate myself about anxiety. Have you talked to your partner about your anxiety? Or have you been able to sort of hide it thus far? Understanding and better communication about his anxiety have really improved things between us. It's the not knowing and understanding that was killing me.