Autistic Teenager....AARERRGGGH

[needtogetwell]

Life of late with my son has been really up and down and it's starting to affect my anxiety levels.

Woke up today very agitated as I had a really rough evening with him last night.

I'm beginning to doubt all the skills I have learned in how to manage him. Things don't seem to work all that well of late. I think if I was just dealing with the autism I would be ok, but this raging hormonal imbalance of adolescence is just adding fuel to the fire.

Beginning to consider medicating him, but odds are they will suggest antidepressants and I am so not willing to go down that road with him.

Sorry for the rant, I'm struggling with him right now and not sure where to go next. Teenage meltdowns are much more difficult to deal with than that of a younger child.

Cheers everyone
Pam

[Dahila]

I can not help you with it, but I hope you get your energy back and the patience, yes the age and hormonal imbalance which is temporary adds to the burden. Keep strong Pam. Tomorrow is going to be easier:)

[needtogetwell]

Dahila, your kind words help more than you know.

[Cullingford]

Hi Pam
This was one thing I had not even considered! you naively think things will get better as they get older. I can quite understand how this is effecting your anxiety levels, I do hope things calm down there for you soon! my three will be home from school in a while so I am enjoying the peace whilst it lasts.
I think from watching my own son that his emotions are much stronger than my! own every feeling for him seems to be magnified! I hope that makes sense. So I can only imagine that your son is going through the normal range of teenage feelings just a lot stronger.

The only thing I can offer is my best wishes for you all.

[needtogetwell]

Thank you for your kind words Cully.

No phone calls from the school today. No calls means he is in control... A very good thing. He came home (usually he is at his dads after school but today with me.) and he has been really quite civilized.

Did some research today on diet related interventions, not new to me as we tried a gluten and casein free diet many years ago, which didn't do much other than tmake him an even pickier eater than he was.

Today I have decided that probiotics are a good idea for him. He loves those yogurt drinks in the little bottles, so I asked him to try my kefir, raspberry flavoured. He loved it. And I am so relieved. Ok got probiotics handled.

Next is magnesium, it is helping to calm my stressed out nervous system, so I doubt it can hurt him. Question is, how to get it into him. Eureka! Epsom salt baths. He loves his bath time so throwing a cup or so into the water will be a snap. Ok 2 down, one more to go.

Melatonin. I had him on this a few years ago and am not sure why I stopped because it used to work quite well. It's probably going to take a bit of trial and error because what worked on an 80lb 12yr old, might not work on a 200 lb almost 15 year old. Yep, he has grown about 9inches in 3 years, and he is huge! Almost 6' and still growing...oh my.

I am not a small or slight woman, but when your baby is 4" taller and out weighs you by 50lbs, you can't help but become a little anxious when he is having a meltdown.

All in all a good day, my anxiety levels have come down and I think I can function well from here on. Child will be going to his dad's place in an hour or so. Then the night is my own and I have some breathing space.

Thank you to those of you who read this thread, it is going to be my way of venting and managing the stress and anxiety that comes along with having a child with autism.

Cheers all.
Pam

[needtogetwell]

Cully,

The years from 8-12 and a half were probably been the most stable for my son. We had routines and he functioned well through those years. You know all about the value of routines.

You still have a few years to go until your son hits the teenage years, hopefully the transition for him will be better than what my boy has experienced.

As a parent, it doesn't hurt to learn about adolescence and autism ahead of time. I wish I had. Now all I do is research, research, research. There is not nearly as much out there on teenagers on the spectrum as there is for young children.

I like your point about them feeling the emotional part of this more acutely. I think that is probably bang on.

Cheers my friend.
Pam

[Exactice]

Pam!!! You have always been such a great supporter! I will do my best to return to favor. Oddly enough I actually am quite familiar with your situation =) My Sister's Son is Autistic, My sister was not much of a mother for the first couple of years so I was the Stand in parent and took care of my nephew for quite some time! I love him to pieces even though he has his challenges.

Its amazing how different the meltdowns are between a 2-5 year old and a 15 year old. My nephew is now 15 so hes going through that teen years. I will say that we are fortunate with him as he is high functioning autistic, but he still has his moments.

What we learned about him is that its similar to a "Panic attack" The more fuel we add to the fire the more it will grow. Now its easy for me to say this but, this is what we found to work in our situation, it has taken a toll on the spirit and our mental and physical stamina but you need to continue to be the rock! continue to be the unmovable force that stays strong and rigid.

When he acts out, you need to stay calm, In my mind though when he acts out, I look at it as a challenge rather than a frustration, I almost play a game in my mind, like the "who will blink first game". I try to stay as calm and patient as possible with him and see whom cracks first, Seriously I play a Game with his meltdowns, its the only way I can keep my patience, sanity and not get mad, frustrated or lose myself in the process. Fortunately his tantrum subsides as he either runs out of gas or realizes he can win the "Game" with me.

This is one of the techniques I use as a "Game" is supposed to be fun, so I start off a "negative (Tantrum)" as a positive. And never treat it as a mental burden or a true negative.

Im sorry I cant be much more of a help but I wish you luck and I commend you for being so strong! You have done well at this point and you will continue to do well!!!!

[needtogetwell]

Thank you Exactice.

I do try to stay calm during those episodes. It is tough sometimes especially if my own anxiety levels are up. I like the idea of making it a game. I am usually the calm and focused one when dealing with him and we do get through it. My son too is relatively high functioning, so in the last couple of years we have been able to talk to him about being autistic and what happens with the meltdowns.

Thank you for your support. It means so much and I will always be here for you. Btw, how are you doing?

Pam

[Dahila]

Pam I have no expierence in this particular subject, but I had seen my close friend with her two autistic sons and gravely sick husband. She is a rock the most strong person I know, and she alwasy tells me " I have no choice" she is a lovely person, tolerant and always having smile for her friends. So do you Pam:)

[needtogetwell]

Thank you Dahila,

It's true, some times you don't have a choice and do what needs to be done. ....then you can crash and burn for a few minutes and get yourself up and be ready to do it all again. :)

You are a good friend, don't ever change that.

[Dahila]

I simply admire mothers who do not give up. the mothers love is incredible....

[rusticnrg]

Pam,
My son has autism but he is only 7. I can understand how you feel. I am scared of the teen years with him. Especially since he is getting bigger everyday... you are a strong women! Keep doing what your doing and all will be well. My son goes Though phases when he is more difficult to handle and I just have to remind my self not to let my emotions go overboard because that just makes him elevate more.

[needtogetwell]

Hi Rustic,

You are so right, our emotions can make them elevate quite quickly.

One thing however that I can say is that with an autistic child you need to learn to take things one day at a time. In some respects this helps me with the concept of living in the now.

My son certainly does not benefit when I am a stressed out bundle of nerves.

Anytime you need a shoulder to lean on I am always around. It's nice to know that there are others who deal with anxiety and the daily trials, tribulations and joys of an autistic child.

Cheers
Pam

[rusticnrg]

Thanks Pam :)

[Exactice]

Man, I love the way people come together in times of need. Im sure you will be fine as you have done so well up to this point. This is to both Pam and Rustic! You both are wonderful people with such big hearts! Know that many people around the world admire your strength and also support you even if you dont know it!

Yes the game thing has been a great tool that I use. It helps take my mind of the negatives! I use games in many facets of life events as it easier to deal with a game then the direct full blown situation!

[needtogetwell]

Hey Exactice,

Thanks. I am who I am and helping others is really good for me.

Btw- you are in Hawaii....how about sending some warm weather my way. It's still freezing around here and I could use some warmth and one if those stereotypical tropical drinks right now! Lol. :D

[Cullingford]

Hi my Son is 8 we very much fear for the future at the moment he attends a small close knit village school, this has not been without problems. We have had a few hitting / biting times at school I am not trying to make excuses for this, but he his usually so gentle and if left to his own devices he won't bother anyone. Like a sleeping dog leave alone there will be no problems! poke with a stick you get bit!. When he leaves this school he is supposed to attend a very large high school, and as we live in such a rural location this will involve a long bus ride! on this bus there has been a lot of problems with bullying. Children with special needs that use this bus have been especially prone, my son would be a very easy target!. Have you had to deal with anything similar Pam? or anyone else.

Just to recap last earlier this week we were going to go to a dinosaur park! but we had car problems and were forced to cancel. He had been looking forward very much to going as Dinosaurs are his latest obsession he has got past the trains! what is it with trains :). This upset him a lot and he could not understand why the car couldn't be fixed on a bank holiday weekend! the car is fixed now and we are planning to go on Sunday so fingers crossed for us that nothing else goes wrong.

[needtogetwell]

Hi Cully,

I think you have done very well by your son. If you have only had a few incidents to deal with that really comes down to exceptional parenting, much love, understanding, and patience.

Going to a really big school after somewhere small and somewhat intimate can probably be more scary for you than your son. I know with Justin, in his final year of elementary school he was really ready not to be there any more.

There is something about being 13/14 that makes them want to be in a little more grown up world. I was sure that Justin would have a tough time but he did not. At least for his first semester. I think he is now getting comfortable and trying to test the boundaries.

One of the best things we did with Justin in his last year of elementary was to coordinate with the special education department of the high school and Justin spent some time there every month just to get used to the place and know some faces. It was only a few hours , maybe 2 for most of the year but by the last month, he spent a couple of half days.

The special education teacher at the elementary school made up some social stories for him that were helpful.

In terms of bussing, I truly understand your fear and reservations. I am lucky that Justin is picked up at the door every day, he shares this little bus with 4 other special needs kids and to my knowledge nothing has happened to cause issue.

Is it possible that this may be something which can evolve in your area over the next few years? Maybe in time for your boy to go to high school? There certainly must be a need.

Bullying, I understand that well. What I wasn't prepared for in high school was how much the other special needs students can be the worst bullies! Justin has no issues with the general population of the school, it's the special needs ones who can be quite cruel. It shocked me!

Anyway, I hope your outing on Sunday goes well. Keeping my fingers crossed for you .

Have a great weekend
Pam

[needtogetwell]

Well, implementation of my 3 nutritional based strategies has gone well. Went to the trouble of buying exactly the same things for the dad's house so that there would be no inconsistencies between the two houses.

Today Justin has been in a good mood, much calmer and easier to deal with. That in turn keeps my anxiety levels down and I can focus on his and my relaxation time. I did not have any calls from the school, that in itself was such a relief.

Not going to impose a bed time for him, no school tomorrow so he can sleep in. Too bad I have to get up for work.

One full day down, reason to hope that I may be on to something. Time will tell.

[Cullingford]

Hi Pam just to say we made it too the Dinosaur place today and all went smoothly.:D

https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5341/14039335775_a9127623b6_b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/noBgpn)DSCN6410.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/noBgpn) by [url=https://www.flickr.com/people/

I am wilma my youngest Harry is pebbles and Jurassic Joe as we now call him is behind the camera.

[needtogetwell]

So glad everything went well. Love the picture.

Obviously a good time was had by all!

YAY!