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callmeshady
05-06-2008, 08:22 AM
high school..is so hard. I got to school everyday with this immense preeure that i have to look a certain way or act a certain way. I feel like somone is constantly watching me. and though i do have some friends so many people look at me as a weirdo. Some even think that i homosexual. Andim not homosexual i just get paranoid trying to get with girls. I feel so messed up and desperate and pathetic. Though this anxiety has gotten better for ethe past 4 years (im a senior about to graduate) i still feel going to school is just so damn hard. I feel horribly deppresed and soooo just damn desperate. I skipped school today so i can smoke some weed and just think a little. I felt like killing myself last night cause im so sexually frutrated as well as just stressed out by this pressure. somone talk to me..im so desperate please. :cry:

The Melody of Rain
05-06-2008, 10:41 AM
Do you consider yourself a weirdo? Probably not. If not, you've based your answer on facts, which is why you're right and they're wrong. Their judgment is speculative; but their assumptions may be based on how you 'appear'. Its certainly not 'weird' to think negatively, nor is it necessary to think in a negative manner.


messed up...desperate...pathetic

Exactly what you lack is self esteem. With the right approach, this problem can easily be solved. I will try. I need more information about your own personal condition, though. When and how did you first experience this disorder?

callmeshady
05-06-2008, 04:44 PM
when i was growin up i was anorexic, My mom and dad never let me express myself that way I wanted...they tried to keep me one way but all I wanted to do was fit in with my friends at school..i felt like i was entering a totally diffeernt world went i went to school and came home so ther was a bit of culture shock..my parents never relle understood me or how i felt and i tried desperatly to show them how much pressure they put on me but every attempt was futile. i have this uncontroble identy crisis at time where i dont feel right with the cloths im wearing and how im walking and how im acting..every where i go people find i change all the time and dont relle understand me. i feel all alone and out of place. I dont mean to complain but i dont know what to do anymore. im totally paranoid. i hate my life right now.

The Melody of Rain
05-06-2008, 07:17 PM
Thats quite understandable. You're also not complaining, you're politely answering my ridiculously cliched question.

Briefly on the topic of weed (as I've just made a post about it in the general discussion forum), I can understand the mental clarity it profits you but in the long run your condition will worsen as a direct result of its use. Look, kick it for five months and go for a full bio-chemical work up from your GP. The bulk of the THC from the marijuana will have worked itself out of your system and this test will prove it. You'll notice a 'miraculous' change within those five months anyway, but if theres little or no THC in your body you'll know for certain that it was the weed that was perpetuating your condition. I smoked it day in day out for four years in an effort to mask the symptoms and having been arrested and charged for possession in January I kicked it for good - and its the best thing I've ever done.

Now I know you root your issues to difficulties you encountered with your family during the formative years of your life, and this is most likely true (and also very good that you know what the cause is as most don't, spending years in search), but foreign substances in your system will cloud your natural ability to problem solve. I mean, why do you think so many people who do drugs have problems/have problems and do drugs? A vicious circle.

So anyway, basically you're unhappy. Unhappy with yourself. Mainly, you're paranoid. I've certainly been there. At least you recognise the fact that its just paranoia, yes? Paranoia is by definition, an irrational fear of someone or something that you know you shouldn't be afraid of. This to me signals hope for you. It appears you are severely lacking in self confidence. This is easily repaired - but you wont have the mental ability to rebuild your confidence if your judgment is clouded with THC. This time five months ago I was exactly like you. Exactly like you. First I kicked the smoke, then clarity occurred. Have you read any of my recent posts? They may interest you.

Fuck, that was hardly brief...anyway, I'm beginning to fall asleep. Which is fantastic.

Essentially you need self-confidence, which is an area I can help you in. You can either add me to msn or keep it to this thread and I can give you all the help you need...as long as you kick the weed man. Other than that, it just wont work and our time will be wasted. Bare in mind I am not a psychologist although I am well learned in the area of psychological analysis and investigation; but again, not a psychologist by profession.

I hope we can talk.

callmeshady
05-08-2008, 08:19 PM
I feel you man, it's so hard to stop smokin tho...like esspecially since now im gettin out of school and i have so much free time..i think you may be right about the smoking tho..socially it hinders me from holding a convorsation and just makes me paranoid about what others are thinking of me esspecially when im around girls.

I couldnt even say goodbye tonight to my fellow co-workers as i was leaving work because i just felt this wave of uncomfort as i was walking out the door. I put my head down and even tho some of these poepl are my friends I felt so paranoid. People dont realize i ahve so many issues.

People think im gay cause i get so stressed out and i can barley look people in the eye and I dont talk to girls. so they assume im gay and just not telling anyone. This is partly because i was also molested as a child and as i was growing up my parents acted like sex never even exsisted and looked at me weird when ever i said anything about the opposite sex. These 2 things put together kinda made my sexual orientation misunderstood just cause even thinkin about sex made me uncomfortable at one point but ive always known deep down im straight.

i just hate missin' every oppurtunity i have to flirt with a girl or ask a girl out or just to simply have a friendly convorsation with because of these issues. it's the most frustrating thing ever because i know i can get girls if i just got over my shit. And it's even more frustrating when even some girls think i'm gay because when they try to flirt with me I relle dont know what to do. Its so rough.

Smoking hieghtens my paranoia by ten fold. I can not judge what to do in social situations even when im not high anymore. People think i'm the biggest weirdo and i have so much trouble making friends. Do think even if im not high, the THc thats still in my system can be causin some of this? I def. cut down my smoking by alot tho. Went for everyday to maybe once every other week now.. but i always find myself comin back to it just cause it helps me calm down for the moment at hand and i can just sit in my room and not worry about the world.

anyways sorry for the remabling just alot on my mind. Thank you tho for listening and i hope that we can talk too.

Barto
06-20-2008, 04:17 AM
when i was in school my from when i can remember in year 4.

i was picked on until year 12 and had no friends . everyone picked on me
and i felt shit.. i was always thinking about what people thought about me and how they looked at me..everytime someone picked on my i would cry even when i was 15.
i was always nervous about going to school and knew all that was going to happen when i went to school was that i was going to get picked on. and hoped that i would embarass myself so much that i would cry.. i was called gay all the time and i still do get called gay because i am an affectionate person. dont let them get to you mate.. you know who you are and thats all that matters.. in 10 years at your school reunion your going to shop up with a super hott partner and they are going to be the same jerks.. and then they will envy u..

i was diagnosed with depression in year 11 when i was 16 and have only just come out of it now that i am 20.
i was also unaware at this time that i had anxiety and i really only new about it 2 years ago..

i never did drugs because i had no interest in them.. but i can tell u that they arent helping you mate and nor will they ever.. please stop doing them for your own health.. and go for a walk or something. take care. msg me if you want to know more.

cooliomanx
06-23-2008, 05:03 PM
cheers everyone... hope tat you are all feeling fine ya

louisrapisarda
07-29-2008, 04:57 PM
Seems like me i have no friends. Everyone looka at me i feel like so much presure on me everytime I walk or do anything. Eveyone calls me wog boy and werid names. I get blamed for everying, i feel ok at work tho, at school i feel like shit and so agresive when people call me names now i dont want to hurt anyone but i can't help it. I have been sick with a viruis last 2 days i wagged cuz i hate it. Now my dad is ringing the police to get me to go to school. PLEase some one hand me a shot gun. I know what you're going through dude feels like shit. I also feel like running away from home my peants get so angy at me hit me and tell me to leave i am 15. I am shy around girls, some im ok. Just ok.