raggamuffin
04-19-2014, 06:47 AM
Hi all,
I know how it feels when you think it all might be over in a second or 2 when you have a panic attack. But the past few months i've been getting a subtler version during my day to day. Spending several years reading about anxiety it seems a lot of sites and Dr's assume aches and pains are more prevalent during anxiety/panic attacks. I get pains every hour of every day and get a panic attack once every 2 or 3 months at most.
There's not really an overwhelming sense of anxiety although I bcan see that my way of thinking has gone back to bad habits compared to when I did CBT a few years ago. The sensations and pains tend to scare me, which drives the anxiety, as well as me assuming something bad instead of reminding myself that it's all anxiety.
I'm on my 8th day or Mirtazapine and I know it'll take another 6+ days before I feel true benefits. It's nice compared to SSRI's as I don't feel wired and I can sleep fine. I'm not sure what i'm expecting as i've always given up on meds 2-3 weeks into taking them. As such i've coasted along with the daily pains and sensations and after 4.5 years of it, it's a real struggle. Probably makes sense that now i've got this near constant feeling of impending doom. Today it's been very bad. I look at myself in the mirror and I think to myself that I look unhealthy, look like I will be dead in a few days or months.
What feels strange is that the aches and pains and anxiety make you fear dying and diseases on an hourly basis, which causes more pains and more anxiety. But after so many years with anxiety and depression, my quality of life feels so bad that I almost feel indifferent if it did kill me. A friend of mine at work suffers from anxiety too. His symptoms are very different to mine, but he's of the opinion that reading into anxiety and understanding how it logically works is more of a hinderance than a benefit to someone suffering from anxiety. I can kind of see where he's coming from.
For 2 years now i've known the logical side to how anxiety occurs and yet my emotions still seem to dominate my day to day life and way of thinking. This gives constant fuel to the anxiety and it feels like there's no end in sight. Dr's all seem to want to give out medication, perhaps it will help? I've heard many positive stories about medication for these disorders and yet, I feel like I should've started these from day one after the second big panic attack where my day to day life was thrown up in the air and I was constantly feeling pains and convincing myself I was terribly ill. The first hospital visit, the Dr's recommended I speak to my GP about an anxiety medication and therapy and yet I waited 2 years before even trying.
4.5 years later I feel like i've become so thoroughly entrenched in anxiety and my own, illogical and emottionally driven way of thinking that I wonder how much help a medication will actually be. It feels that Dr's and sufferers cannot decide on what option is best in terms of tackling and curing anxiety. Some say you can only manage it and not cure it, some recommend drugs, others are anti drugs and recommend drastic lifestyle changes. In all honesty I lack drive and commitment to following through with lifestyle changes.
Feel like i've written a lot here and not really gotten anywhere or really have a valid point. So the Dr told me to double nmy dose of Mirtazapine after 7 days which I did yesterday. Need to visit him next week to get another prescription and to guage how i'm doing. In all honesty I don't know how i'm doing. I've put on half a stone. That's troublesome as i've remained the same weigh for 14+ years as I have a good metabolism. So that's added worry. I've broken out with bad acne since taking the medication. Apart from that I just feel drowsy all the time.
I think I need to avoid the news. Everyday it's death and new studies about how daily things I enjoy will kill me. Like working in a job where you sit will up your chances of this disease or that disease and apparently napping during the daytime ups your risks of cancer by 30%. I just feel like I'm doing myself no favours. Or when you hear about someone like Peaches Geldof dying at such a young age and her Dr saying her heart was in terrible condition. I know...a 1 in a million case. but with anxiety you seem to convince yourself that you're that "special" that you'll be the one who's stomach pains are cancer or who's chest pains will be a heart attack before you're 30.
Honestly it's difficult living like this.Dr said I should pair the medication with therapy once I start feeling the benefits. he said doing self CBT instead of speaking to a therapist. The Dr himself seems to suffer from depression. He's got a therapist and he has many valid points about therapy's limitations.
Sorry. Felt like i've just waffled and not got anything that could be responded to. So i'll leave this here.
Ed
I know how it feels when you think it all might be over in a second or 2 when you have a panic attack. But the past few months i've been getting a subtler version during my day to day. Spending several years reading about anxiety it seems a lot of sites and Dr's assume aches and pains are more prevalent during anxiety/panic attacks. I get pains every hour of every day and get a panic attack once every 2 or 3 months at most.
There's not really an overwhelming sense of anxiety although I bcan see that my way of thinking has gone back to bad habits compared to when I did CBT a few years ago. The sensations and pains tend to scare me, which drives the anxiety, as well as me assuming something bad instead of reminding myself that it's all anxiety.
I'm on my 8th day or Mirtazapine and I know it'll take another 6+ days before I feel true benefits. It's nice compared to SSRI's as I don't feel wired and I can sleep fine. I'm not sure what i'm expecting as i've always given up on meds 2-3 weeks into taking them. As such i've coasted along with the daily pains and sensations and after 4.5 years of it, it's a real struggle. Probably makes sense that now i've got this near constant feeling of impending doom. Today it's been very bad. I look at myself in the mirror and I think to myself that I look unhealthy, look like I will be dead in a few days or months.
What feels strange is that the aches and pains and anxiety make you fear dying and diseases on an hourly basis, which causes more pains and more anxiety. But after so many years with anxiety and depression, my quality of life feels so bad that I almost feel indifferent if it did kill me. A friend of mine at work suffers from anxiety too. His symptoms are very different to mine, but he's of the opinion that reading into anxiety and understanding how it logically works is more of a hinderance than a benefit to someone suffering from anxiety. I can kind of see where he's coming from.
For 2 years now i've known the logical side to how anxiety occurs and yet my emotions still seem to dominate my day to day life and way of thinking. This gives constant fuel to the anxiety and it feels like there's no end in sight. Dr's all seem to want to give out medication, perhaps it will help? I've heard many positive stories about medication for these disorders and yet, I feel like I should've started these from day one after the second big panic attack where my day to day life was thrown up in the air and I was constantly feeling pains and convincing myself I was terribly ill. The first hospital visit, the Dr's recommended I speak to my GP about an anxiety medication and therapy and yet I waited 2 years before even trying.
4.5 years later I feel like i've become so thoroughly entrenched in anxiety and my own, illogical and emottionally driven way of thinking that I wonder how much help a medication will actually be. It feels that Dr's and sufferers cannot decide on what option is best in terms of tackling and curing anxiety. Some say you can only manage it and not cure it, some recommend drugs, others are anti drugs and recommend drastic lifestyle changes. In all honesty I lack drive and commitment to following through with lifestyle changes.
Feel like i've written a lot here and not really gotten anywhere or really have a valid point. So the Dr told me to double nmy dose of Mirtazapine after 7 days which I did yesterday. Need to visit him next week to get another prescription and to guage how i'm doing. In all honesty I don't know how i'm doing. I've put on half a stone. That's troublesome as i've remained the same weigh for 14+ years as I have a good metabolism. So that's added worry. I've broken out with bad acne since taking the medication. Apart from that I just feel drowsy all the time.
I think I need to avoid the news. Everyday it's death and new studies about how daily things I enjoy will kill me. Like working in a job where you sit will up your chances of this disease or that disease and apparently napping during the daytime ups your risks of cancer by 30%. I just feel like I'm doing myself no favours. Or when you hear about someone like Peaches Geldof dying at such a young age and her Dr saying her heart was in terrible condition. I know...a 1 in a million case. but with anxiety you seem to convince yourself that you're that "special" that you'll be the one who's stomach pains are cancer or who's chest pains will be a heart attack before you're 30.
Honestly it's difficult living like this.Dr said I should pair the medication with therapy once I start feeling the benefits. he said doing self CBT instead of speaking to a therapist. The Dr himself seems to suffer from depression. He's got a therapist and he has many valid points about therapy's limitations.
Sorry. Felt like i've just waffled and not got anything that could be responded to. So i'll leave this here.
Ed