I feel like I've lost myself due to anxiety.. please help! :(

[savingkie]

Hi!! I'm 15 and I completely feel like I've lost myself. For the past 6 months, I have suffered with the most severe spike in my OCD/anxiety that I've ever had. It's my first year of high school, so I bet you can imagine how that went- I ended up missing a lot of school, and my grades dropped from straight A's to B-'s and even an almost failure in math. I lost all interest in playing volleyball and basketball (which were previously my two favorite sports) because they caused too much anxiety, and I lost almost all desire to go and hang out with my friends. Previous to November, I had always been a happy go lucky, excitable, ambitious, and motivated person with goals in sight. Now, I have little to no motivation to do well in school as I've overthought it so much that I barely see the point in it, and I have no desire to rejoin sports. I do want to hang out with my friends again though, which is definitely an improvement, even if it's miniscule. I've practically spent every day since November in my room thinking about life (whenever I'm not in school) and I think it's really taken a toll on me. My life revolves around my obsessional intrusive thoughts about self harm/suicide, and I'd honestly prefer any other obsessional thoughts over these ones, they make me miserable. I've almost created a whole different outlook on life, and my life has solely been revolved around my anxiety for the past 6 months, and it's stressful to say the least. I've developed major anxiety about the future, in any sense- I used to be absolutely eager to grow up, go to college, and get my dream job and a great life (whether realistic or not, I was willing to go for it and give it my all to achieve it)- but now, I can't even think of Sophmore year of high school without wanting to break down and cry. School is a nightmare for me, as despite my 504 plan for my extreme anxiety, they're extremely uncooperative and they even want to classify me as Special Ed (special ed?! for a honor roll student?! unheard of.) and they're extremely unsupportive compared to the middle school. I now completely associate high school with negative intrusive thoughts and miserableness, opposed to the freedom and happiness that I associated it with in the first few months of school. All I want is to be back to normal, and to be back to my motivated, happy, ambitious self, but I can't find anything inside myself that will help me get my life on track. Is this abnormal? Will I ever return to normal? I never seem to be excited for anything anymore and I just don't feel like myself, is this all because I've been overthinking WAY too much? I used to wake up every morning smiling thanking God for the wonderful life he gave me, but now I wake up dreading the whole day, especially when I have school. Please help, I just want to be happy and love life again like I used to! :(

(By the way, yes, I've tried medication, Zoloft to be exact, but it's what started the spike in my OCD in the first place- it had a complete adverse reaction and I was sick for 4 weeks on it due to the horrible psychiatrist I had who just threw it at me irresponsibly without even knowing that much about my condition. I just started on inositol (a natural remedy which apparently works wonders on those with OCD). I'm also in CBT therapy with a great therapist, but I've yet to see any improvement. I've had OCD/emetephobia/anxiety since kindergarten and I've been in and out of different therapists my whole life, but I've never had a history of depression, but it seems as if I've developed some symptoms of it due to how much I've been struggling!)

[Ritch]

Firstly I'll start off with the inositol, I have taken inositol hexanicotinate (a modified form) and it has helped me with my anxiety and compulsions so I hope it will have the same effect for you :) Keep working on the therapy, it's not a sprint but a marathon. Unfortunately you met a psychiatrist who obviously didn't take enough time to speak with you about your current difficulties, find a better one who will be more supportive. I would also get your parents to speak to the principal of the school or the governing body of the schools in your area, they are clearly not providing enough support and need to be reminded of their obligations to you as one of their students.


Have you been over thinking things...... Yes, is there anything wrong or abnormal with that...... absolutely not :) I'm sure that everyone of us on this forum has and still does this. Anxiety makes us think about every little detail and analyse everything to the point that we feel like our heads may burst. The problem with anxiety is it causes us to either live in the past or in the future, By that I mean we dwell on the past or worry about the future. I used to think that the future is the most important thing so I thought about it all the time but it is not the most important thing..... the present moment is. When you think about the future...... college, university, the dream job..... when you think about it all at once you are in a way putting a lot of pressure on yourself which will be feeding the anxiety.I know it's hard but do your best to just think about the present moment and make sure you try your best with everything.

Somedays will be worse than others, but the important thing is that we keep trying everyday. You said you was finding it hard to be motivated, you want to get better.... Use this as your motivation..... the desire to get better.

Also spend time with your friends if you feel able to..... it will help. One last thing do not sit and worry about anything on your own, this forum is here so we can offer each other support when we can. If you have lost yourself it is more than possible to find yourself again :)

Welcome to the forum :)