Hi friends!! Need your support!!

[Dorriekeepson23]

Hi gang. Dorrie here. I made it through last week, getting off all that pain medicine. I'm doing great in one way, and awful in another. Definitely something I can't talk about here, but my husband got some awful news today. Like we needed anymore. I'm still shocked and dazed. I have to just keep myself up and hopeful. But the main thing I'm writing about is my son. The one who is in jail for two counts of grande theft auto and a DUI on his probation. I don't mean to repeat this over and over to my friends who already know, but his dream was to always be in the service and make "Special Forces". He found out he made SF's in the service, but unfortunately right after a crash that landed the car on his right leg, which was almost amputated. He started drinking due to the pain. The rod they put in from his hip to knee, was a bit too long and digs into his hip. Right after the surgery, they didn't give him pain meds for long , so he drank for the pain. Which got him a DUI and was put on probation. He stayed with us for a while, was on three yrs. prob., the first two yrs. Stayed in his room, wouldn't talk, his head got all kinds of messed up. Depression. you name it. The third yr he fled back home, which we knew he would start drinking again, and begged him not to go. Well, he did, got more depressed, got a DUI, got so drunk one night, he started talking about suicide at a party. He sounded so serious, and was, he overheard someone say something about maybe we should call the police. He freaked, was in a black out, stole a car till it ran out of gas, stole another one, until he sobered up enough to realize he had not only fled and stolen two cars, but cut both wrists with his knife, in attempt of killing himself. He drove to a hospital. Thank God they stitched him up in time, turned himself in immediately, and went to jail. First 30 days on suicide watch. He was in one of the roughest over crowded jails in the country. Had to prove himself a few times, four approximately, when they started a fight with him. But then he got transferred to the second jail, he made trustee in the first jail, and then the second, which helped him. The third of the time he's been in this past yr. has been nothing but "I'm sorry's" "It was totally my fault", "I accept 100% of it", "I deserve this", "Can you ever forgive me", "Will my little brother look at me the same", "I'm so sorry", on and on. But he's at a point now, he knows exactly what he wants to do when he gets out. He wants to come here and live with us. But he can't just do that again this time. He's got a DUI, and two counts of grande theft auto. ON probation. The chances of them letting him transfer out of state again are slim. I know nothing is impossible, but my heart's still breaking. I want him here. I know I don't always get what I want though. But it still hurts like hell. People tell you this and that, and I know they mean well, and I KNOW HE HAS TO LEARN HIS LESSON!! One of the things that bother's him the most is what this has done to me the past two yrs. The first he stayed drunk, lost multiple jobs, we went days not hearing from him, I wondered if he was dead or alive. And this past year he's been in jail. Calling up, saying he got the crap beat out of him... but won. Like that helps a mother any. My anxiety is through the roof. His FINA L AND LAST court date is TOMORROW!!! The judge will either tell him he gets time served, or how much longer he'll be there... period. The time served is looking probable. He got trustee at both jails, good conduct, etc.. And I could take up for him by saying he was depressed over everything that happened to him and he just cracked. But we all face battles and cannot break the law like that. It's just in my heart.. he's still my baby. My first borne. I thought this whole time he would get out and get to transfer here. It doesn't work that way this time. He will be with my ex... around all the people he partied and drank with. I've faced the fact... it's up to him to do what's right. I can't make him. Maybe he will walk the right path... maybe he wont. I have NO control over the situation. The last couple of days I've had a couple of rough anxiety attacks. That's up to me to deal with. Anyways... I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just needed too. I need my friends. Anyone who cares. Sorry, I don't know what else to say. Dorrie

[BrookeLynnnn]

WOW..

You've been through a lot!! Your son also..

I don't know addiction personally but my boyfriend who I've been with for almost 3 years is a recovering drug addict. He's got almost 18 months clean..

I know a mother & son bond is more than mine with my boyfriend BUT, I was there for him through all his court dates. It was HARD & scary. So I could only imagine what you are feeling.

I'll pray for you guys.

Just try & not over worry.. Easier said than done, I know!! Lol

[Dorriekeepson23]

Howdy Dorrie .

I would love to try and help but i cant read that .

Sorry i dont know if it is just me but without spaces i have so much problems trying to read it .

Any chance you could drop a few spaces in there

cheers and hope you are well :)

forwells, I'm so sorry... Yes!! I can. D.

[Dorriekeepson23]

Hi gang. Dorrie here. I made it through last week, getting off all that pain medicine. I'm doing great in one way, and awful in another. Definitely something I can't talk about here, but my husband got some awful news today. Like we needed anymore. I'm still shocked and dazed. I have to just keep myself up and hopeful. But the main thing I'm writing about is my son. The one who is in jail for two counts of grande theft auto and a DUI on his probation. I don't mean to repeat this over and over to my friends who already know, but his dream was to always be in the service and make "Special Forces". He found out he made SF's in the service, but unfortunately right after a crash that landed the car on his right leg, which was almost amputated. He started drinking due to the pain. The rod they put in from his hip to knee, was a bit too long and digs into his hip. Right after the surgery, they didn't give him pain meds for long , so he drank for the pain. Which got him a DUI and was put on probation. He stayed with us for a while, was on three yrs. prob., the first two yrs. Stayed in his room, wouldn't talk, his head got all kinds of messed up. Depression. you name it. The third yr he fled back home, which we knew he would start drinking again, and begged him not to go. Well, he did, got more depressed, got a DUI, got so drunk one night, he started talking about suicide at a party. He sounded so serious, and was, he overheard someone say something about maybe we should call the police. He freaked, was in a black out, stole a car till it ran out of gas, stole another one, until he sobered up enough to realize he had not only fled and stolen two cars, but cut both wrists with his knife, in attempt of killing himself. He drove to a hospital. Thank God they stitched him up in time, turned himself in immediately, and went to jail. First 30 days on suicide watch. He was in one of the roughest over crowded jails in the country. Had to prove himself a few times, four approximately, when they started a fight with him. But then he got transferred to the second jail, he made trustee in the first jail, and then the second, which helped him. The third of the time he's been in this past yr. has been nothing but "I'm sorry's" "It was totally my fault", "I accept 100% of it", "I deserve this", "Can you ever forgive me", "Will my little brother look at me the same", "I'm so sorry", on and on. But he's at a point now, he knows exactly what he wants to do when he gets out. He wants to come here and live with us. But he can't just do that again this time. He's got a DUI, and two counts of grande theft auto. ON probation. The chances of them letting him transfer out of state again are slim. I know nothing is impossible, but my heart's still breaking. I want him here. I know I don't always get what I want though. But it still hurts like hell. People tell you this and that, and I know they mean well, and I KNOW HE HAS TO LEARN HIS LESSON!! One of the things that bother's him the most is what this has done to me the past two yrs. The first he stayed drunk, lost multiple jobs, we went days not hearing from him, I wondered if he was dead or alive. And this past year he's been in jail. Calling up, saying he got the crap beat out of him... but won. Like that helps a mother any. My anxiety is through the roof. His FINA L AND LAST court date is TOMORROW!!! The judge will either tell him he gets time served, or how much longer he'll be there... period. The time served is looking probable. He got trustee at both jails, good conduct, etc.. And I could take up for him by saying he was depressed over everything that happened to him and he just cracked. But we all face battles and cannot break the law like that. It's just in my heart.. he's still my baby. My first borne. I thought this whole time he would get out and get to transfer here. It doesn't work that way this time. He will be with my ex... around all the people he partied and drank with. I've faced the fact... it's up to him to do what's right. I can't make him. Maybe he will walk the right path... maybe he wont. I have NO control over the situation. The last couple of days I've had a couple of rough anxiety attacks. That's up to me to deal with. Anyways... I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess I just needed too. I need my friends. Anyone who cares. Sorry, I don't know what else to say. Dorrie


WOW..

You've been through a lot!! Your son also..

I don't know addiction personally but my boyfriend who I've been with for almost 3 years is a recovering drug addict. He's got almost 18 months clean..

I know a mother & son bond is more than mine with my boyfriend BUT, I was there for him through all his court dates. It was HARD & scary. So I could only imagine what you are feeling.

I'll pray for you guys.

Just try & not over worry.. Easier said than done, I know!! Lol

Brooke, you're a sweaty. I'll gladly take anything...and appreciate it. Yes, a mother-child bond is like no other. You bring them into the world and want them to fly...not fall. But I'm sure it wasn't easy for you either. Any kind of relationship is hard, when you love that person with all your heart and soul. It just feels like when it rains it pours sometimes. Thank you sooo much for your response. It definitely shows what kind of person you are. Very caring!!! Thank you friend, D.

[Exactice]

Hey Dorrie, words can not describe the trials and tribulations you are feeling right now im sure, but expressing, and getting it out always helps. You have faced many challenges in your life and so has your son. Its seems as if this challenge that has presented itself to your son is exactly that, a challenge, a road block. It is something he has accepted and is on his way of conquering. My words my be a of little use but im sure everyone here with their true feelings and heart wish you, your son and your family nothing but happiness and success overcoming this current situation. As I have read in a couple of threads here, its little steps as troublesome as it may be, this is like him in basic training, there is an end there is a day that he gets out, there is a day that he can again begin "His" life. So if its any consolation, "stick it out" stay positive and continue to give the support your son needs from the loving family he has!

Good Luck

-Exactice-

[Dorriekeepson23]

Hey Dorrie, words can not describe the trials and tribulations you are feeling right now im sure, but expressing, and getting it out always helps. You have faced many challenges in your life and so has your son. Its seems as if this challenge that has presented itself to your son is exactly that, a challenge, a road block. It is something he has accepted and is on his way of concurring. My words my be a of little use but im sure everyone here with their true feelings and heart wish you, your son and your family nothing but happiness and success overcoming this current situation. As I have read in a couple of threads here, its little steps as troublesome as it may be, this is like him in basic training, there is an end there is a day that he gets out, there is a day that he can again begin "His" life. So if its any consolation, "stick it out" stay positive and continue to give the support your son needs from the loving family he has!

Good Luck

-Exactice-

Exactice, sometimes you don't realize the power of another's words, just like what you just wrote, until you read them. It's amazing. You're hurting and reach out for help. Having been on here a while... knowing I will get something awesome in return, if I just reach out!! And so far, that's exactly what I have recieved!! Some awesome words of support, comfort, and help in return. Bless you for your words. Sincerely, Dorrie

[Perses]

Dear Dorrie,

You're super impressive. What a challenge to have to deal with all this. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I can't even begin to fathom the tremendous strength you have. You explained what led to his current situation really clearly. Does he have a plan for what he wants to do when he leaves jail? When he was in jail, aside from the fights, did he find any good things to do? What about his GED? Alcoholics Anonymous? It sounds like he totally understands what he's done, but it also is important for him to start rebuilding his self-esteem. It would be easy for me to get into a mode where I'd feel such self-hatred that I'd deliberately sabotage my own recovery. - Get in a rut and stay there. What kind of programs are available to help him stay on the straight and narrow, so to speak. How long is this probation period gonna last?

[needtogetwell]

Dorrieeeeee!!!

Hugs sweetheart! There is nothing in the world like mother-son bond. You have it with your son and he's lucky to have it! Despite our sons difficulties (mine is autistic) we are always there for them no matter what. We are moms and that's just what we do!

Regardless of the difficult road your son has to travel and the decisions he has to make, you will be with him along the way. You taught him how to walk, now you are going to help him walk in a good direction.

I'm here for you if you need a shoulder! You know that.

Otherwise, are you doing ok? I hope so.
Love ya!
Pam

[Dorriekeepson23]

Dear Dorrie,

You're super impressive. What a challenge to have to deal with all this. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I can't even begin to fathom the tremendous strength you have. You explained what led to his current situation really clearly. Does he have a plan for what he wants to do when he leaves jail? When he was in jail, aside from the fights, did he find any good things to do? What about his GED? Alcoholics Anonymous? It sounds like he totally understands what he's done, but it also is important for him to start rebuilding his self-esteem. It would be easy for me to get into a mode where I'd feel such self-hatred that I'd deliberately sabotage my own recovery. - Get in a rut and stay there. What kind of programs are available to help him stay on the straight and narrow, so to speak. How long is this probation period gonna last?

Perses, Thank you!! Seems like you know the right questions to ask. Thats good... not bad. But I promise... I'm NOT trying to be impressive. lol. Things started changing for the better towards the end. First, my son isn't stupid. Duh!! Yes, he completed his education before going in. Many people have commented to him how remarkable, sometimes the word unfathomably has been used, at how intelligent he is. He definitely has a goal. He wants to go to college here. We live in a big City. He wants to go to Mechanical Engineering School. This isn't going after becoming a doctor or lawyer, but I'm pretty darn proud of him. He believed in nothing when he went in. Used to believe in a Higher Power, but nothing whatsoever when he went in. Listened to awful music. I love all kinds of music. Just like I love all people, and their nationalities. But this was self destructive music. He quit. Started reading??? Yes!! He's now confessed he believes there is a Higher Power of some kind. Because he's seen miracles and things that should have happen that didn't. Regarding him and me. Side note... Me and my little boy shouldn't be here!! Thats not the topic, and won't go into that. But he says he has felt himself mature. The thing is.... I hope and pray he can keep this attitude, and not get out and go for a while, and convince himself he can just do this once or just do that. It's easy to say what you want and are going to do when your locked up and confined. OMG..I dont mean that to sound pesamistic. I'm just saying it like it is. Lets just say...It APPEARS, he has his, excuse my french, I hardly use it, but shit together. We are all just hoping and praying he can keep it together. I'm all upset, because I know, or think I know if he comes here, he'll be with us and we can shelter him, in REALITY, he's going to choose his path and what he wants and doesn't want to do whether he is with me, Santa Clause, or the Easter Bunny. Lol. Sorry...I had to laugh. That's one of the hardest things struggling with anxiety. Your family, the ones who has no clue whatsoever about it, can't fathom AT ALL what your feeling. Do you know how sick I get of hearing "Chill Out" or "Relax" or "Take a chill pill". When I'm having an anxiety attack, I want to scream "Do you NOT THINK that's what I'm trying to do." Just like Chronic Pain. You don't really really mean it, but you get to the point sometimes, when your dealing with family who can't freaking possibly fathom the pain your in, and act like you can just do anything, and CANT take it serious, because they have NO clue. I've sometimes, not REALLY, just looked at them, with darts in my eyes, thinking "Man I wish you could feel this for just one minute... then imagine living with it all day long 24/7. Same as anxiety. We don't have magic wands to make it go away. We do the best we can. We do the best we can. Thank you so much for caring enough to write back. Unfortunately...you find out through adversity who you're real friends are. To me, some of the best ones are on this site. Not even in person. My friends in person, are all living barbie doll lives, and can't fathom my issues. They love me.. just cant talk to them about some stuff. Thank you again. It feels good to vent and get this out. I've stopped crying...for now. Lol. Humor helps me a lot. I mean a lot perces. Laughter through pain is a powerful emotion. Now, to figure out how to write stuff with more spaces??? It's probably easy as 123, yet I struggle with it. ha ha. Ohhh, what a week!!! What a day!! I feel like I'm going to have a mini nervous breakdown. I'm not!!! I cant!! Thanks again. Helped more than you know. D.

[BrookeLynnnn]

Brooke, you're a sweaty. I'll gladly take anything...and appreciate it. Yes, a mother-child bond is like no other. You bring them into the world and want them to fly...not fall. But I'm sure it wasn't easy for you either. Any kind of relationship is hard, when you love that person with all your heart and soul. It just feels like when it rains it pours sometimes. Thank you sooo much for your response. It definitely shows what kind of person you are. Very caring!!! Thank you friend, D.

You are sooooo welcome!! :)

Feel better!! (Hugs) :)

[Dorriekeepson23]

Dorrieeeeee!!!

Hugs sweetheart! There is nothing in the world like mother-son bond. You have it with your son and he's lucky to have it! Despite our sons difficulties (mine is autistic) we are always there for them no matter what. We are moms and that's just what we do!

Regardless of the difficult road your son has to travel and the decisions he has to make, you will be with him along the way. You taught him how to walk, now you are going to help him walk in a good direction.

I'm here for you if you need a shoulder! You know that.

Otherwise, are you doing ok? I hope so.
Love ya!
Pam

Pam, thanks again. and again. and again. lol. You sure have stuck by my side. I want you to know I appreciate it. My head and heart may not be where it should be, but you know me, I won't stay down. Everything went wrong today, that could. And yesterday. Sometimes I feel like it's "too much". My body is still going through all these weird whatever they are, from detoxing off all that strong pain medicine...JUST a week ago. I feel so fragile. Well, I'm not going to whine anymore. I needed a little support, and I got a little. I'll be ok now. Thank you for being an awesome friend. I kind of wish I wouldn't have posted anything. But thanks for your friendship. It means more than you know, Pam. Love Dorrie

[needtogetwell]

Pam, thanks again. and again. and again. lol. You sure have stuck by my side. I want you to know I appreciate it. My head and heart may not be where it should be, but you know me, I won't stay down. Everything went wrong today, that could. And yesterday. Sometimes I feel like it's "too much". My body is still going through all these weird whatever they are, from detoxing off all that strong pain medicine...JUST a week ago. I feel so fragile. Well, I'm not going to whine anymore. I needed a little support, and I got a little. I'll be ok now. Thank you for being an awesome friend. I kind of wish I wouldn't have posted anything. But thanks for your friendship. It means more than you know, Pam. Love Dorrie

It was April fools day!!! Everyone's day went tits up! Mine too!!!!

Tomorrow is another day and we can start fresh!
Deal?

[Dorriekeepson23]

It was April fools day!!! Everyone's day went tits up! Mine too!!!!

Tomorrow is another day and we can start fresh!

Deal?

You bet... why not??? lol. It can only go up from here anyways. :) :) :) Love ya doll. D.

[Dorriekeepson23]

Boy lady , do you talk as fast in real life as you write. LOL :)

From my drugged out brain at the moment i guess you are saying that you are worried that when he gets out he will return to his old ways and be in the same spot.

I have to say that from what i picked up from what you wrote that the chances of this are slim . He made his mistake and really what happened to him to start it was a pretty shitty thing . But it seem that he has come to terms with what has happened and wants to move on . I think that the best thing you can both be is open with one another , sort of like a buddy in AA , so that when either of you need someone then you can help one another along .

I really do wonder with his history and how this came about and that this was a one off sort of thing weather he would be able to move back home . I dont know because its different over there than what it is here .

I am sure that every thing is going to be fine in the end . I dare say that i think jail might have worked for him and helped him start to turn his life around .

Ha Ha Ha!!! forwells, you're a trip. Lol. I needed to laugh so damn bad. How you started that out!!! Have you ever heard of ADHD???? :) That's me to a T!!! Lol. I drive my real life friends nuts if I don't take my med. for my ADHD. Ha Ha Ha!!! WELL, I will go to bed feeling much better. I got out what I needed. Some truly awesome people responded with great compassion and comfort. You included!! Don't get a big head now forwells! :) Thanks Friend. Dorrie