Ugly Dog
03-30-2014, 06:01 PM
WARNING: TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM
Also, big text, sorry...
Those days were rather stressful to me.
Me and my mate are dealing with a lot of problems in our relationship. We nearly broke up. It looks like we are getting better, but you never know. Stress.
I also have been dealling with very low self esteem (always have, but some days are worst than others). I could not think about myself without flinching my eye and feeling a anxiety wave going through my body. Yay stress and stomach ache.
I got into a technical course for free due a test I did last year. My mother supported and even helped me with getting all the papers and stuff. I confess I was impressed since she is very negative and want to control every single aspect of my life. I knew it was not just helping hand. I felt it was to shove on my face when necessary. It was a matter of time. More stress.
And I was right.
Today my mother did (well, actually just texted) something I thought was very unfair. She have different rules for me and my sisters, even though we are all in our 20s. She has obsessive control over me. She does not care how it affects me, as long her will is made. I'm not even imagining it, she said that right on my face more than once.
I snapped.
As soon as I got home I just said hi and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I picked up a scisor that was hanging on the wall (which is almost new and was mine, but my sister claimed it without even asking. Then she broke the eye ring or whatever that part is called). I opened it and started to stab my inner thigh hard enough to make cuts. It bleed but not much. Then I did the same thing but less times on my wrists. I can say it was the cat and no one will ever know the difference. The ones in my thigh are hidden.
It wouldn't be the first time. I have 6 scars on my other thigh that were done by scratching the skin repeatedly with a screwdriver, and others in random places. Most of them disappeared with the time.
The reason I do this is because of anger. I feel so angry and frustrated with many things that I do this for relief. I feel that if I don't do this, I will get physically agressive with someone. I rather do it with myself than anyone else.
Does anyone else have a similar issue?
Also, big text, sorry...
Those days were rather stressful to me.
Me and my mate are dealing with a lot of problems in our relationship. We nearly broke up. It looks like we are getting better, but you never know. Stress.
I also have been dealling with very low self esteem (always have, but some days are worst than others). I could not think about myself without flinching my eye and feeling a anxiety wave going through my body. Yay stress and stomach ache.
I got into a technical course for free due a test I did last year. My mother supported and even helped me with getting all the papers and stuff. I confess I was impressed since she is very negative and want to control every single aspect of my life. I knew it was not just helping hand. I felt it was to shove on my face when necessary. It was a matter of time. More stress.
And I was right.
Today my mother did (well, actually just texted) something I thought was very unfair. She have different rules for me and my sisters, even though we are all in our 20s. She has obsessive control over me. She does not care how it affects me, as long her will is made. I'm not even imagining it, she said that right on my face more than once.
I snapped.
As soon as I got home I just said hi and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I picked up a scisor that was hanging on the wall (which is almost new and was mine, but my sister claimed it without even asking. Then she broke the eye ring or whatever that part is called). I opened it and started to stab my inner thigh hard enough to make cuts. It bleed but not much. Then I did the same thing but less times on my wrists. I can say it was the cat and no one will ever know the difference. The ones in my thigh are hidden.
It wouldn't be the first time. I have 6 scars on my other thigh that were done by scratching the skin repeatedly with a screwdriver, and others in random places. Most of them disappeared with the time.
The reason I do this is because of anger. I feel so angry and frustrated with many things that I do this for relief. I feel that if I don't do this, I will get physically agressive with someone. I rather do it with myself than anyone else.
Does anyone else have a similar issue?