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View Full Version : Severe Panic attacks/sexual assault.. help?



aoibheal
03-24-2014, 02:07 AM
Hi.. I am 21/female..

My problems started a few years ago when I took a job as a maid. I worked long hours but the money was great.. until one day I went to a new customer's house and he violently raped me in his basement. My parents are extremely, extremely religious and conservative and I was afraid that if I told them what happened they would be furious for me losing my virginity and my whole family would look down on me. So I said and did nothing. What happened to me was eating me alive and I wanted to tell someone... I had a boyfriend at the time who was not nearly as religious as my parents, and I finally worked up the courage to tell him. I trusted him. But instead of helping me, he became very turned on at the idea of rape and degrading me in general. He became extremely controlling. I was raped almost every night for months and I started to believe everything he said to me, "you will never have anyone as good as me" "no one else will ever love you because no one wants damaged goods" "other men find you disgusting" etc. I became severely depressed and began self harming around this point.. Finally, a year and a half later, I graduated high school and was accepted into a university. On my very first day of school, my uncle died and I had to leave immediately. My boyfriend thought I was lying so I could cheat on him and flew into a rage. I finally realized how psychotic he was and left him. I thought I had escaped...

Fast forward to 2013. I, still in a severe depression, met a new guy. We talked for several weeks and finally decided to start dating. The first date went well and I decided to see him again. The next date did not go as well. I went to his house.. He forced me to have sex with him even though i protested several times that I was on my period. He didn't even give me a chance to take my tampon out and it became stuck. It took me almost four hours to get it out afterwards. I found myself being told the same things again. "You're disgusting" "No one else will ever want you" "You won't find anyone else to love you besides me" And without even realizing it, I fell right back into the same situation I was in before. I was just used to being treated like this I guess. And it just got worse. There would be days where he would want to have sex three times, followed by weeks of not having sex at all. When we did have sex, he would cover me up because he "can't get off to ugly fat girls" and "no one wants to look at you" We moved in together and he started stealing money from me. I lost about $10,000 during our entire relationship. One day I stepped on his TV remote and broke it by accident. He flew into a psychotic rage, threw me down on the couch, and started beating me. He smashed my phone, printer, and some of my other belongings. He threw a vacuum cleaner at me. I grabbed my two cats, my car keys, and I sprinted for my life. I went to my landlord, and for the first time in my entire life, I called the police. That happened two months ago.
I never saw him again, and after a few days of being homeless, I told my dad everything that happened and dad loaned me several thousand dollars. I searched all day and found an apartment complex that would listen to my story and they moved me in immediately.

I have a home of my own, but every night I am alone here, I have severe panic attacks. I am constantly afraid that I am going to be attacked. My apartment has huge glass doors leading onto a balcony, and at night I am afraid someone is watching me. The door has a deadbolt, but still I am terrified someone is going to break in. I have nightmares about what has happened over the past five years every single night I can get sleep. A longtime friend has started spending the night here with me. When he is here I feel safe. The only time I get sleep at all is when he is here. But he lives a good drive away, and he has a place of his own, and a job, so he can't be here every night. When he isn't here, I will go days without sleeping just to avoid the nightmares.. I already have two cats but I am thinking about getting a dog because I feel so unsafe and afraid. I don't know what to do. I don't have any money left and no insurance... I don't know how I can afford a doctor or a counselor. I am leery of taking new medications because I have a heart problem (unrelated to this, I've had it since birth) and new medications often make the problem worse. I just feel stuck. I am so tired of feeling like this, I am tired of crying, I am tired of fear controlling my entire life... I don't really know why I'm posting this.. Maybe someone out there can help me...

NeverToo...Fear
03-24-2014, 05:54 AM
Hi Aoibheal,

I am so sorry all of this happened to you. It's not fair in the slightest bit and no one should ever have treated you like you did. Thank goodness you got out and away from it. I hope you moved far away. Understandable that you have every right to be afraid and unfortunately these bad events have easily made it to where you expect the worst to happen at any second. Crazy suggestion here, but can you possibly move in with your friend that makes you feel safe? And if that's not at all possible, what about looking into room mates of the same gender? That way it can also help with paying the rent?
I think getting a dog is a great idea and also a gun (and courses on how to use it obviously) ..I think that will make you feel a lot safer and hopefully help you in the long run. Again, I'm really sorry all this happened to you, but please, feel free to talk any time here. Welcome to the forums.

ashy
03-24-2014, 06:20 AM
Hello,
It really, seriously breaks my heart to read what all has happened to you :(. I'm deeply sorry about everything that has happened to you. Thank you for being so brave and reaching out for help! I dearly wish that I could be there to give you a hug and help you out, but I'm afraid I can only try to give you some advice and kind words. Continue to seek help. I'm proud of you for calling the cops and telling your dad and moving out. Are you attending the university now? It's possible that they offer reduced cost or free counseling. If not, you could still go there to look for referrals to other low cost counseling. There should be a lot of resources for situations like yours. Have you told any friends or other trusted family members about what happened? Sometimes it helps to simply have someone you trust to listen with empathy and understanding, and definitely someone who will NOT blame you. You are ABSOLUTELY NOT at fault. If you ever catch yourself in a pattern of blaming yourself, take a step back and tell yourself that it is NOT your fault. You ended up with people who had severe control and anger issues who took it out on you and that was NOT right. You need to focus on healing yourself right now, that's the most important thing. I would recommend not getting into another relationship, at least for a while. It is important to speak up about what happened, particularly to a counselor, doctor, or someone else who can help you. I can tell you one thing for sure, is that you are worth it. You deserve to heal, you deserve to feel safe, you deserve to be treated with respect and real love. If you get into another relationship, leave that relationship right away if there is any sign of aggression or controlling or anger, and never stay with someone who forces you to have sex with them even once. That is NEVER ok, and those relationships never work out. You deserve someone who respects you, treats you extremely well, who encourages you and who will truly love you for you. I promise you that you are perfect the way you are and that you deserve to feel safe, respected, and happy. We are here whenever you ever need to talk about anything, even if it is not particularly anxiety related. There are a lot of people who care on this forum and give great advice and a lot of us have experienced similar things in life. Don't be afraid to ask questions and to seek out help. We are here for you!

ashy
03-24-2014, 07:04 AM
Here are some resources if you would like them: There is a National Sexual Assault Hotline, 1.800.656.HOPE, and rainn.org, it has some resources and can help you find counseling as well.

trinidiva
03-24-2014, 07:54 AM
Im so sorry to hear about what has happened to you. PLEASE do not blame yourself, as it is not your fault at all.

I think the key is getting a good counselor right away. You need to be able to talk about what happened to you in order to truly deal with it properly. It is probably best to speak to a trained professional because they can give you the the proper tools to deal with what I think is post traumatic stress.

I was a victim of an attempted sexual assault. Thank the lord that someone heard my screams and came to help me. Even though I got away, I had a hard time dealing with what happened. I blamed myself...asked myself if I had given any type of body language that I was interested in that person (I hadn't)...and wondered if I could of done anything differently to prevent the situation. I was VERY uncomfortable around men in general and looked at every one of them as a potential attacker. I became very hypervigilant at home....scared someone would break in. I would actually stay up as late as I could until my body would just shut down and fall asleep. I had to go and get counseling. It helped tremendously. If you cant get counseling. ..they have plenty of hotlines you can call....I think someone listed the numbers above.

You can overcome this!!!!!

acetone
03-24-2014, 12:22 PM
Dear you have got PTSD(post traumatic stress disorder) due to the abuse. Your nervous system is on high alert and is causing nightmares. A medicine called Prazosin can help you with the nightmares. Antidepressants can reduce re-experiencing of traumatic memories somewhat. Some of them can also help with reducing your hypervigilance.

aoibheal
03-25-2014, 02:11 PM
Thank you for your kind replies everyone.
As of right now, I am working on finding a good counselor to talk to. I purchased a second lock for my door to help me feel safer at night. Thank you all for being so helpful and welcoming. Hopefully I can get past this point in my life soon.

ashy
03-25-2014, 11:51 PM
Thank you for your kind replies everyone. As of right now, I am working on finding a good counselor to talk to. I purchased a second lock for my door to help me feel safer at night. Thank you all for being so helpful and welcoming. Hopefully I can get past this point in my life soon.
The best of luck to you! We're here if you ever need any help or just want to talk! :) I'm so glad that you decided to see a councilor, I'm sure it will help a lot :)