Why do I feel like this?

[StevieH]

Hi
I posted this on the welcome thread but think it might be better on here.

I have been having problems with anxiety and deppression for nearly 20 years,infact it has completly taken over my life.
I have been unable to work because of the physical symptoms that I get for a number of years.
I have had more tests in the past than the DVLC.
I will tell you some of my symptoms and see if any of yours feel the same.
I think one of the worst is the extra heartbeats(ectopics as they call them) when it feels like you heart has stopped and you feel like your breath is being pushed out up your throat,and as if your heart is not going to go in the right rythm again ,sometimes these happen in runs for like 2-3 minutes.I have been to a cardiologist and had a 24 hour test and he said what they were ,but I cant accept that I am not going to die.I also feel constantly ill eg: fast when I have eaten,like I have been running,a feeling like I am crying from inside /out,then nauseus.
These are some of my problems and I will tell you more when I get used to the forum.
I just feel so alone ,even though I have a lovely family and wife.
My Dr is very understading and I have alot of support,BUT ,I cant go on much longer with these heart things,Even tough they tell me they are OK I still cant help but getting paranoid over them.I have started to drink on a night again ,because of them, and I know that does not HELP them!!
Please,Please,does anyone else suffer like this.
Kind Regards
StevieH

[Vsanthos]

I feel you on the heart thing, and sometimes it just comes out of nowhere, I dunno if it's my high blood pressure, but when it happens, it feels like the blood in my veins stops for 2-3 seconds... and then it just kick starts super hard, I feel my heart pound for one beat, pushing blood through my body, and then after it feels like my heart is beating softer than it was previously to it. I can be talking to my mom on the phone (who is my source of calm, since she's dealt with panic attacks her whole life) and then still be freaking out sometimes, like I need to call someone, and my first thought is her, but I'm already talking to her. I understand completely how you feel, and you talk about drinking, I'm the same way with my computer and WoW, it may not sound the same, but it is, I just sit with my headphones on ignoring the world, playing for hours and hours a day. The end result is my brain gets used to the constant noise of people talking in my headphones, and the constant thinking, then when I lay down, I feel entirely alone, and sometimes I feel like I'm too used to being able to talk to people, and it's like I need to verbally communicate with someone RIGHT NOW. It sucks.

[LAnn]

Stevie, I am so sorry you are suffering. I understand how you feel though. The physical symptoms are the absolute worst and clear test after clear test does not seem to ease the mind. I still wonder if what I am feeling is anxiety or something more serious. I try to take my mind off of it though by reading or doing puzzles or whatever and that seems to help some. Have you tried any of that? I hope this finds you feeling better.

[StevieH]

Thankyou Vsanthos and LAnn
For your kind replies 8) 8) I have suffered with this illness for 17 years now,but these things really top the lot.I don't know about yourselves but I feel so ill somedays,I feel like I only have hours to live.Food is another thing that affects me bad when I am having a bad patch,it makes me feel worse than I am already feeling,even though I am a 16 st male.
I feel like my body and heart are going to go out of rythm and find it hard to breath properly.Do you ever get this?
Regards StevieH

[LAnn]

Hi Stevie. I too feel so ill some days, I just want to lay in bed and not move. As for the breathing thing, sometimes I feel that too. Like when I start to get anxious, I find myself having difficulty taking deep breaths. Are you doing anything for the way you feel, i.e. therapy? I've recently started therapy and while it is too early to tell, I do notice that when I leave there I am a lot calmer. Hope you are well.

[StevieH]

Hi LAnn
Hope you are well. 8) 8)
I have been having therapy for 10 years or so now,but there is only one lady that I talk to that helps me in anyway,but it never seems to take away the symptoms. I have taken just about every medication going and I think that my body and nerves are so powerful and stressed out ,that they have gotten used to the meds.I can take Diazepam like eating sweets for eg:10-15 mgs a time will only make me yawn and a bit tired.These heart beats have got me beat,because no matter what I do ,they dont seem to go away for long and they frighten the crap out of me,even worse when I get more than one at a time (runs of them) Ive had checks on my heart about 12 months ago ie:ecg's and 24 hour monitor,and they picked them up and said what they were? BUT i still cant accept them!! It's good in a way to know that I am not on my own (not so good for the other people) but I am frightened that I will die and leave my kids and wife alone. My wife supports me very much and is the strong one,I am built like a brick out house,but this thing makes you feel weak and a burdan on others.I sometimes cant see the point in it all ,and also feel that if they keep going , I will not be able to breath, but if I do anything to myself, my kids will be the ones that suffer if i'm gone.I never talk like this normally , but these things are getting unbearable!! Ive told my Dr but they just think that you have got through it before and you will again. Anyway enough moaning for one night.
Thanks for listening.
StevieH

[Robbed]

I have been having therapy for 10 years or so now,but there is only one lady that I talk to that helps me in anyway,but it never seems to take away the symptoms.

Have you ever considered finding another therapist? There is a reason why SO many people consider therapists to be the BIGGEST jokes out there. And that is because most of them are utterly and completely useless. Yes, your therapist may be a good listener. But having someone listen while you just go over and over hurtful things that happened when you were five years old or how pannicky you might have felt at the grocery store on Tuesday is not going to do you any good. You need someone who can give you the tools you need to overcome anxiety. I would recommend that you find someone who has had and overcome anxiety on their own, and who has been both anxiety AND medication free for at least 2-3 years. This will GREATLY increase the chances of finding someone who can actually help you.