I feel really alone and down right now.

[trinidiva]

As I am writing this, I'm crying my eyes out. I have no one in my life I call call and talk to. I feel like my life is one big pretend play....and im living a total damn fucking lie.

I dont know why I let my husband treat me like he does. Maybe its because I have two kids with him. He always says that I wouldn't be able to stand on my own two feet without him....partially because of my anxiety disorder. It makes me feel like SHIT....like im less than a person or something.

So ive been cloroxing my house constantly because my youngest has been sick and I dont want the rest of the family to get sick. He has been ridiculing me calling me ocd, crazy and all sorts of stuff because ive been trying to take extra precautions not to get sick. He purposely went and laid out on my sick daughters bed then left the room without washing his hands. When I asked him to and told him that I felt he was sabotaging my efforts he launched into a tirade about about how im a stupid bitch and to " get the fuck out of my face". I sat there and didn't move. He threw down my daughter's dollhouse and told me if I didnt get out of his face that he would break my sons keyboard he got for Christmas. Knowing how that would hurt my kids I got up and walked out. Then he starts yelling behind me" yeah....thats what I thought. Crazy bitch."

Im sitting here crying. Im kind of mad at myself for allowing him to talk to me that way and for dealing with it. I dont have anyone to talk to and my anxiety is through the roof. It is so bad that im literally shaking. Please.....I need help......

[chardae]

That sounds flippin awful!! Anywhere you can take the kids and get away? What a nasty man!!!!! Big hugs xox

[Enduronman]

TRIN!!!!!! ggrrrrrrr

No, that's not the right reaction to what you're doing or trying to do..are you on my facebook page??? We could chat there if you want too.... grrrrr
He just doesnt understand your disorders,.and not real sure why he isn't trying to, but that's another story for another day....different time..

Marital issues can be very very tough...I would just say to call me but how in the hell could I do that???
Gotta remain calm,..not only you but now me too...my heart rate is up, BP up,,beginning jaw clench mode,..AAAAHHHHH!!!!! NO!!! Must help!
Are there any forum Veteran girls that wanna give Trin a call or chat here???!!!!! Help out????!!!!!
Can you get on chat?????? I can try to help there......if you can from a phone. If you browse with a phone.....

I may not be the best at helping with this issue because I just wanna pick him up over my head and toss him through a wall atm...

HELP me HELP her...

Enduronman..

[needtogetwell]

As I am writing this, I'm crying my eyes out. I have no one in my life I call call and talk to. I feel like my life is one big pretend play....and im living a total damn fucking lie. I dont know why I let my husband treat me like he does. Maybe its because I have two kids with him. He always says that I wouldn't be able to stand on my own two feet without him....partially because of my anxiety disorder. It makes me feel like SHIT....like im less than a person or something. So ive been cloroxing my house constantly because my youngest has been sick and I dont want the rest of the family to get sick. He has been ridiculing me calling me ocd, crazy and all sorts of stuff because ive been trying to take extra precautions not to get sick. He purposely went and laid out on my sick daughters bed then left the room without washing his hands. When I asked him to and told him that I felt he was sabotaging my efforts he launched into a tirade about about how im a stupid bitch and to " get the fuck out of my face". I sat there and didn't move. He threw down my daughter's dollhouse and told me if I didnt get out of his face that he would break my sons keyboard he got for Christmas. Knowing how that would hurt my kids I got up and walked out. Then he starts yelling behind me" yeah....thats what I thought. Crazy bitch." Im sitting here crying. Im kind of mad at myself for allowing him to talk to me that way and for dealing with it. I dont have anyone to talk to and my anxiety is through the roof. It is so bad that im literally shaking. Please.....I need help......

Oh Trini!

Big hugggggs coming your way! Shoulder here for you to cry on.

Slow down and BREATHE! ......

All we are going to focus on is hearing what you are feeling right now! No judgements, just an ear a shoulder and arms for a hug!

When he calms down and you do too you can try to talk it out.

How's the little one feeling? What did she do today? What did you do today?

I'm here for a while then I'm sure another one of the gang will take over!

Cheers sweetie! It's going to be ok!
~Pam

[needtogetwell]

TRIN!!!!!! ggrrrrrrr No, that's not the right reaction to what you're doing or trying to do..are you on my facebook page??? We could chat there if you want too.... grrrrr He just doesnt understand your disorders,.and not real sure why he isn't trying to, but that's another story for another day....different time.. Marital issues can be very very tough...I would just say to call me but how in the hell could I do that??? Gotta remain calm,..not only you but now me too...my heart rate is up, BP up,,beginning jaw clench mode,..AAAAHHHHH!!!!! NO!!! Must help! Are there any forum Veteran girls that wanna give Trin a call or chat here???!!!!! Help out????!!!!! Can you get on chat?????? I can try to help there......if you can from a phone. If you browse with a phone..... I may not be the best at helping with this issue because I just wanna pick him up over my head and toss him through a wall atm... HELP me HELP her... Enduronman..

I'm here! Going to check out what my Facebook page is I will gladly chat with both of you.... Be right back.....

[trinidiva]

No.....nowhere I can go right now. The kids are sleeping but I am really at my wits end with him. He is really terrible to me...but puts on such a facade for everyone else. He would drop anything to help a friend. .....giving his family money.....wont even buy me a damn happy meal. Seriously. So...one of my kids wanted Chic Fila for lunch today and he said he would go and get it for them. So then I said....well could you pick up something for me? ( that something was fries) and he says ok....well give me your money then. Really? Seriously? Whenever he wants to work OT..which goes to HIM alone....he doesnt even consult with me to find out if I have anything going on...he just schedules himself. I just feel so damn small and so hurt right now. Not one of his friends knows how he really is behind closed doors.....they all think he is this great easy going guy....THEY ask him for advice!

[jessed03]

Sending you some love trini. You don't deserve to be treated in that way.

[needtogetwell]

No.....nowhere I can go right now. The kids are sleeping but I am really at my wits end with him. He is really terrible to me...but puts on such a facade for everyone else. He would drop anything to help a friend. .....giving his family money.....wont even buy me a damn happy meal. Seriously. So...one of my kids wanted Chic Fila for lunch today and he said he would go and get it for them. So then I said....well could you pick up something for me? ( that something was fries) and he says ok....well give me your money then. Really? Seriously? Whenever he wants to work OT..which goes to HIM alone....he doesnt even consult with me to find out if I have anything going on...he just schedules himself. I just feel so damn small and so hurt right now. Not one of his friends knows how he really is behind closed doors.....they all think he is this great easy going guy....THEY ask him for advice!

If you feel small my love, you are letting him win! You don't let your anxiety win, don't let him!

Hold your head up high! Be proud! Your are an outstanding mother and better than he deserves wife!

[trinidiva]

TRIN!!!!!! ggrrrrrrr

No, that's not the right reaction to what you're doing or trying to do..are you on my facebook page??? We could chat there if you want too.... grrrrr
He just doesnt understand your disorders,.and not real sure why he isn't trying to, but that's another story for another day....different time..

Marital issues can be very very tough...I would just say to call me but how in the hell could I do that???
Gotta remain calm,..not only you but now me too...my heart rate is up, BP up,,beginning jaw clench mode,..AAAAHHHHH!!!!! NO!!! Must help!
Are there any forum Veteran girls that wanna give Trin a call or chat here???!!!!! Help out????!!!!!
Can you get on chat?????? I can try to help there......if you can from a phone. If you browse with a phone.....

I may not be the best at helping with this issue because I just wanna pick him up over my head and toss him through a wall atm...

HELP me HELP her...

Enduronman..

Im som sorry....I dont mean to make you upset but im so mad and hurt right now....ive cried so much my eyes are puffy....this is just too much for me right now.
He seriously needs someone to sit him down and talk to him. He plays Mr Nice Guy in front of everyone else and Mr Hyde when he is here at home. Im so mad at myself for putting up with this. I feel very very stupid right now....like I deserve this shit because I cant do anything about it right now.
Im so beyond my normal trini temper I seriously feel like I could end up on an episode of Snapped right now.
I dont mind texting or something but not FB....im sure he has my logins for that. Ive never really locked it on our computer. I dont know if I can use the chat feature on the phone. I will see if I can.

Thank you guys so much. You dont know how much I appreciate you guys. Just taking a moment to help me means more than you know.

Thank you.

[needtogetwell]

Im som sorry....I dont mean to make you upset but im so mad and hurt right now....ive cried so much my eyes are puffy....this is just too much for me right now. He seriously needs someone to sit him down and talk to him. He plays Mr Nice Guy in front of everyone else and Mr Hyde when he is here at home. Im so mad at myself for putting up with this. I feel very very stupid right now....like I deserve this shit because I cant do anything about it right now. Im so beyond my normal trini temper I seriously feel like I could end up on an episode of Snapped right now. I dont mind texting or something but not FB....im sure he has my logins for that. Ive never really locked it on our computer. I dont know if I can use the chat feature on the phone. I will see if I can. Thank you guys so much. You dont know how much I appreciate you guys. Just taking a moment to help me means more than you know. Thank you.

Trini, another time when you aren't in such a state you need to talk to someone about your situation.

Get a new perspective....focus shift! No one deserves to endure what you are!

[Dahila]

SWeetheart we can not tell you what to do, but we will support you no matter what. sometimes it is like that, my hubby thinks I am kind of crazy too, making my own soaps and washing my hands constantly, maybe it is ocd but I like it. Calm down and everything will look different tomorrow. He is probably having anxiety too..... Calm down please. Tomorrow maybe you can talk to him how much he hurts you:))

[trinidiva]

Oh Trini!

Big hugggggs coming your way! Shoulder here for you to cry on.

Slow down and BREATHE! ......

All we are going to focus on is hearing what you are feeling right now! No judgements, just an ear a shoulder and arms for a hug!

When he calms down and you do too you can try to talk it out.

How's the little one feeling? What did she do today? What did you do today?

I'm here for a while then I'm sure another one of the gang will take over!

Cheers sweetie! It's going to be ok!
~Pam

Pam,

Thanks so much. This is a reoccurring thibg with him tgough. I let it go then he acts like that whenever I disagree with him or say something he doesnt like. Im tired of dealing with it. Im not scared of being on my own but I dont want to have to share my kids with him.....and send them to stay with him. He doesnt even help our son with his homework. He constantly undermines me in front of them as well. I think tonight for some reason was just a breaking point for me.

My daughter did much better t oday, thank you for asking. Not much of an appetite but at least no more throwing up and loose stool.

Oh gosh...I need to get some ice for my eyes...ive cried so much that my eyes are puffy....and he is just downstairs watching a basketball game without a care in the world. I dont know why I expect him to even care.

[trinidiva]

I've found the chat on the forum. I'm on the full site. Are you unable to use that?

Hold on. Im going to try now.

[Anxious Abi]

You have a lot of people here that care Trinidiva, he doesn't deserve you or your children when he is behaving that way.
It sounds like he could use a reality check, he is lucky to have you.
What ever course the night takes, I really hope you start to feel better.
All our thoughts are with you.

[NeverToo...Fear]

Trini.. oh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. No on deserves to be treated that way. YOU don't deserve to be treated that way.

I don't even want to make excuses for his behavior, but the way it sounds is that he doesn't have to put on a nice face with you because he feels like he can just be himself.. and that he somehow forgot his manners and patience along the way. That's really sad, because you deserve his respect just as much--no make that more than what he gives other people.

You've got us that you can talk to and know that you are an amazing person. We will listen to you. Many hugs, Trini. I hope you feel better soon.

[Enduronman]

I'm feeling a lot like E-Man in that I'd like to put a hurt on him. Hope you feel better soon!

Just give me and 13 the address,...the deal is done.

[Enduronman]

Im som sorry....I dont mean to make you upset but im so mad and hurt right now....ive cried so much my eyes are puffy....this is just too much for me right now.
He seriously needs someone to sit him down and talk to him. He plays Mr Nice Guy in front of everyone else and Mr Hyde when he is here at home. Im so mad at myself for putting up with this. I feel very very stupid right now....like I deserve this shit because I cant do anything about it right now.
Im so beyond my normal trini temper I seriously feel like I could end up on an episode of Snapped right now.
I dont mind texting or something but not FB....im sure he has my logins for that. Ive never really locked it on our computer. I dont know if I can use the chat feature on the phone. I will see if I can.

Thank you guys so much. You dont know how much I appreciate you guys. Just taking a moment to help me means more than you know.

Thank you.

We've just gotta come up with a better plan, for you and the kids...and I'm not real sure how to do that..as Kev has made mention to above..
What's really best here????? What's best for your kids?????......

I think I know that answer, but it's a tough one...but what's really tougher Trin??

Here if you need any of us..

E-Man... :)

[trinidiva]

Thank you all so much for all of your responses. It brought tears to my eyes again, but for a different reason. Thank you all so much for taking a moment to talk to me during my down moments. Thank you Frankie, for sharing your experience with me. It's so hard but things have to change. If he won't change, then I have to. I have been letting alot go during this relationship, and I need to regain some of my strength back.

[omoplata]

Trinidiva, I dont post much but wanted to say that I am praying for you and your family right now. No man in his right mind would choose to treat his wife this way. And act like that in front of his children. But whatever is bothering him doesn't give him a free pass to treat you like this. Stay strong because you truly are a wonderful mom exuding love and strength beyond your husbands comprehension. And as a veteran of this forum you already know that everyone is here for you.

[needtogetwell]

Frankie: you are a wise, wise, woman!

Trini: have you ever wondered how your anxiety would be if you didn't have to live with this pressure all the time.

When I made the decision to end my marriage (17 years we were together) it was without a doubt the most freeing experience of my life.

I am not saying that this is what you should do, only you can decide what's right for you and your family.

Maybe some counselling with your husband would be really helpful!

I'm thinking of you Sweetie, sorry I abandoned you last night, it wasn't my intention, I simply wasn't feeling well. You were on really good hands with Frankie and the others!

It's a new day filled with new possibilities and beginnings.

Big hugggggs!
Pam