Hi i am new need some advice

[Charleneyz]

Hi everyone, I don't know what's wrong with me but I suspect it's an anxiety disorder so I was wondering if you guys might be able to help?

Bit of background, my mum physically and emotionally abused me and also neglected me as a child and I've on off suffered depression since, I put it all away in a box and thought I was ok as I made a new life for myself got married and had kids. I also support my sister who is sectioned because of self harming as a result of my mum and I have done since she was 11 and I was 20.

Over the last couple of years I feel as though the box of memories and difficult feelings I locked away has started to burst and want to open up!

And I feel like I am going crazy, I feel irrational about everything in my head, that people don't really care or want me, that I'm no good for anyone and I'm convinced something terrible will happen to my boys if I let them
Out of my site (I have one at school so this is pretty difficult)

My husband is pretty emotionally devoid and ignore the fact I'm struggling in the hope it goes away I think!

I feel like I could explode, scream, cry, run away etc but trapped inside my head like I can't do a thing!

The problem is I grew up having to get on and internalise everything as I was alone and had nobody and so people don't realise I am the way I am but I don't know how to tell them and I just don't want to tell people because I am desperately trying to keep it together for
My little boys.

I love them so much and don't want them to see me lose it but it's so hard!

Any advice appreciated!

[McLovin]

Tough story :( From the short period of time I have known that I have anxiety and a depression is that you can't handle it by yourself (sure there might be people that can). I've always been a guy to handle all my problems and everyone else's problems for that matter and you just have to face that you need help to deal with your thoughts - that's my opinion anyway. I went to counselling to understand what was happening and it was he best feeling ever to just unload all of my thoughts to someone who understands. Talking to someone who doesn't is simply just frustrating so if your husband doesn't want to or doesn't feel that he can help you then you have to talk to a professional or find a support group. I swear it will help you.

I hope the best for you and your family - Think positive and try living in the moment instead of the past or the future (the advice I got) :))