Almost unable to leave my own home, don't know what to do!

[winters anxiety]

Hello everyone, I am new to this forum and I feel like I am in desperate need of help, answers.
I have extreme anxiety no matter where, home alone, in public is where is usually boils over and I can't handle it. I am 21 and I've dealt with anxiety for the past 7 years, panic attacks started about 4 years ago.
I believe it all stems back to my schooling years. From middle to high school I was the "loner" "nerdy". for years I was teased about how I looked. My friends (surprisingly groups of semi popular kids) over the course of time they would stop talking to me and then abandon me completely because girls they hung out with would always ask "why do you hang out with him, he's so weird and ugly" with me standing feet away. kidding not this happened all through high school and it was a struggle to keep even a single friend. So now here I am 21 and all I can think about is my looks, I have panic attacks in my own home, extreme attacks in public because I feel so awful about my appearance. A year ago I tried a number of dating sites and "rating" sites and my AVERAGE score for any of my pictures was 4, out of 10 (ten being very attractive) I got 1's '3 everything.
it got so bad that a few months ago I went to my doctor and was prescribed klonopin, and it helps with being able to talk to people and actually leave the house but now I feel like there's something wrong that i didn't notice before. It seems that whenever i talk to people they hear what I say and their facial expressions look like I just said something disgusting. I am a pretty intelligent guy. I can carry on deep and thoughtful conversations. no speech impediments and I'm very kind and friendly with people. But it doesn't seem to matter. so I instantly come back to the idea that it HAS to be my looks because "what else could it be" i ask myself. Like i mentioned I'm friendly, I can make people laugh, talk with groups of people like i've known them for years but the second I see any expression on anyone's face that makes me wonder, I go into panic mode, which can and has ended with me storming the room and then never speaking to that group of people again. making it awkward when you work with them. I don't know what to do, i've seen a counselor and I mean everything he said I KNOW but I don't know how to make it work, i've tried hard. I can't be as bad looking as I feel, I personally don't think I am but I feel like outside people see me as disgusting and it's tearing me apart.
I want to post a couple pictures of myself. With my story and pics I want some advice, I'm NOT looking to be told what I want to hear. I want to know what I'm missing whether it's my looks or how i'm handling these things. I need help. the klonopin is only helping so far and I'm getting scared that i'm getting dependent and addicted to it.

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[AliasEQ]

You're a 8 bro, no homo :D

Society is today so superficial and materialistic. Especially in young age, because you don't understand a flying f*ck when you're young. You're 21 now, you'll soon realize that people no longer care about looks as much as they used to do. Because looks won't give you happiness in life, neither will it give you a sustainable relationship.

If you can't help stop focusing on these things, then you can do something about it. I was like this when I was 15-16. I started working out and wops, I went from a 1 to a 10. It boosted my self-esteem, but it didn't make me any happier.

Wish you the best! :)

[winters anxiety]

Thanks I appreciate your feedback, what's really troubling me right now is I've done the exercise thing. Long story short I started daaily running and mixed it in with some other workouts. I went from 210 LB's to 175 with more muscle tone and i was sooo confident with myself, so proud and happy. but then this thing at work happened and it brought back all my anxiety, insecurities, and panic attacks. I've been doing my daily exercise routine daily for a year and a half up until last month when it happened, now I can barely get out of bed and i only do my exercise maybe once a week. And now I'm so stressed when i get ready to leave the house for anything it takes me 20 min just to buck up and get out the door

[stp4779]

The problem isn't your looks. You're quite attractive actually :) And I'm a young (fairly), hip, happenin' chick :)

It sounds to me like you have some self esteem issues and that your anxiety has manifested itself in such a way, it results in you panicking over your appearance. We all have anxiety, and it comes "packaged" differently for all of us: you think the source of your anxiety is your appearance, some people have health related anxiety, others are anxious in social situations. These occasions that your anxiety chooses to appear aren't the problem. Forwells is right –*you're afraid of your reaction to the anxiety, you're afraid of the anxiety itself.

The solution isn't to "fix" how you look, because that's not the problem. The anxiety will just find a new vehicle to drive. The solution is to fix how you react to the anxiety.

I will second what was said above: it's critical you push through it. Keep going out, keep talking to people, even if it makes you uncomfortable. When you cower from the anxiety and allow yourself to become introverted and withdrawn, it teaches your brain that there is a danger – when in reality, none exists.

If you aren't now, I think you could also benefit by seeing a therapist about your self esteem. Maybe it could help put those issues in their place – the past!

I hope this is somewhat helpful! There's lots of great advice and tips on the forum and so many nice people – I hope you stick around!

[AmberGbenga]

I still have the same problem.... I fear what people will see when they look at me.. Although I've come to realize that I'm not that bad looking.. Now. I have ugly duck syndrome.. Meaning I ised to be ugly with a good personality... Now I'm good looking with a good personality lol it's a thing apparently. Anyway... Anxiety is a bitch.. I panic when I get hit on or checked out.. Fact is.. You said you used to feel better when you worked out.. Ofcource you did! Your doing something for you and transforming yourself! Keep at it! I'm not going to comment in your pictures purely because a. Icant see them and b. everyone knows looks don't REALLLY matter! It's the personality! Have a banging personality and it will shine through! You need to learn to give people a chance.. I really don't believe people will have a full blown conversation then go.. Wait a second... He isn't attractive! AGHHHH!!! That's just not how it works..

[amaranthe]

Hmm... It's possible that you could be misinterpreting their facial expressions. Just saying. I can relate with not being able to leave the house... And I'm a bit obsessive about my looks too. I would like to think that I don't give a crap what other people think of me. There is nothing wrong with you and you're not ugly. A lot of people can be real a-holes.

[madi]

i think you are very handsome, even could be in a movie. Don't worry about what other people think. As i always say, what anyone else thinks about me is none of my business.

[jessed03]

You look fine. Fines all I can go to btw. If George Clooney and Brad Pitt had a child, I'd still only be able to rate him fine. It's a guy thing!

A lot of times people will call others ugly, out of spite, or just as an insult. It's not always to do with physical attractiveness. If you have a weird vibe about you, people will class that as ugliness. If you have anxious mannerisms, and no self confidence, people will sometimes interpret that as being weak, low value in the eyes of society, and unattractive.

What you really need to do, is, like Forwells says, sort the anxiety issue out. Anxiety, firstly, makes a person unattractive. It kills the spark in a persons eyes, takes the glow from their face, gives them pale skin, dark circles and even grey hair. The scrunched up wrinkliness in the brow, and where the nasolabial folds are, and around the eyes, really detract from a persons looks. Even by 3-4 points sometimes.

I said the same to Kyle Morgan. You aren't ugly, but you lack that attractive guy charm in your face, and you could have all the surgery in the world, it wouldn't fix it, it isn't physical. It only comes from having a thirst for life, joy, and an inner confidence/swagger.

There is a sadness, a loneliness and an insecurity in your face. You could post no story at all, and I bet you my bottom dollar 7/10 people would be able to sense it, at least subconsciously. That's probably there partly because of your issues, I mean, it'd make sense, anxiety/depression does that to all of us.

Once you get that happiness and life back in your face, you're in a great spot. All the ugliness from your face will evaporate. You have good features, get that gleam in the eye, and subtle smile, and it's aok.

The book PsychoCynernitcs, by Maxwell Maltz will you you.... A LOT.

Buy it at ONCE. I rarely say that about books. It must be going on Amazon for pennies, it's an old-ish book.

It's written by a plastic surgeon, who noticed changes or, lack of changes, in people's body image after cosmetic surgery. He noticed some people could have all their physical faults fixed, yet, still envision themselves in a similar way to before.
He also noticed that some people had no positive self image at all, and relied on others to create it for them. That people's views on whether surgery had made them beautiful depended on feedback of others and not aesthetic alignment.
He noticed some people still viewed themselves as being ugly, even long after surgery, as they had been bullied when young, and even though were far better looking, still held those limiting beliefs that affected their lives, simply as they hadn't changed along with the physical features.

The book becomes something that takes those experiences he gained from working with surgery clients, and grows outwards, showing that people who haven't had surgery, still have those same problems that need fixing.

He gives exercises in the book that allow you to get on top of that. It's a very simple, yet interesting read, just hearing the stories from a surgeon.

Your self image is in the red zone. Little things seem to be causing big wobbles. Any donut, and your insecure ego flips. That's always a big giveaway that self image is in the red.
A guy like you has no logical reason to feel the way you do, which is ok, as the mind isn't always logical, but if you begin to change your mind, and the way you envision yourself, then you're gonna be far happier. You're gonna be far more successful too.

You wanna know what you're lacking it's that. Peace and body image. Trust me. My job is in top end sales. I read people better than they read themselves sometimes. I make lots of money this way.

You have an awkwardness, that's existing inside your mind, because of your opinion of yourself, and that's manifesting itself in your subconscious mannerisms like body language, facial expressions, and probably other stuff too, but I can't say that for sure. It's that that is making you ugly.

You have an awkwardness about your face, that I feel is probably doing you harm in life. And is,probably something you feel too, given your post. Buts that's not cos of genetic features, but the two reasons mentioned above.

I've had the same thing. I had a disfigurement from an accident as a kid. I didn't fix it till 19. Took a lot of mental work to not see myself as that bullied 14 year old, but I got there. You will too.

Put the steps into action, and stop handing over control of your life to nature 'It never made me attractive enough', I can't be happy/successful. You can. It's in your hands. Or should I say your mind. Health and peace are in your hands, and in your mind... and, not everyone gets to say that.

[winters anxiety]

Thank you all so much, so much helpful advice. I've never taken the time to look at it in these ways.