Hi i'm new here

[SCOTT A LEADER]

Can someone please help.

If somebody could reassure me that would be fantastic.
I have been a worrier all my life, recently though I have suffered some harsh life events that have made me both acutely anxious and depressed. Firstly I got married , then my mother died after a long battle with cancer, then my grandma was diagnosed with cancer, then we moved house, then my wife had a miscarriage, then we luckily finally had a baby. I then decided to move jobs ( I am a teacher and was just moving from one teaching job to another) this proved to be the straw that broke the camels back. I began to get anxiety/panic attacks. To cut a longer story short, I was admitted into The Priory (Southgate) for a 5 week spell, then on coming out was admitted to Watford Psychiatric hospital for 5 weeks. I have since coming out split from my wife and not seen my baby for over a month. I now live with my dad and am not working. I have developed agrophobia and am nervous when going out even though I know when I go out things are relatively ok.
I am scared as I keep having these thoughts that I cannot cope and that I want to kill myself, I feel that I will lose total control when I'm out or even when I am in.
I really do not understand these thoughts as deep down i don't want to kill myself and am petrified of doing so. So basically I need help in understanding why I feel I don't want to live anymore but do not want to die, i'm in limbo. Any reassuring words will be more than helpful and comforting on how to tackle these horrendous thoughts, as I have never attemped suicide or even got close to acting on them. I just do not understand.
I want to piece my life back together but do not know where to start. I love teaching, I love my wife and child and my family and would never want to hurt them but it is an effort getting through the day.
I take venalflxin 150 ml in evening 75ml in morning.
7ml diazapam a day
zopiclone
Please help as i am losing hope.
Scott

[SisterKiKi]

Hi Scott. I empathise whole heartedly. This anxiety sort of takes over and causes our lives to unravel. I have a great book by Bev Aisbett (I'm in Australia) that calls anxiety "It" and illustrates 'it' as this kooky cartoon dragon. It demonstartes that it is 'our thinking' that leads to the anxiety and certainly life events, such as what you've been through, exacerbate it as the stress becomes overwhelming. The book shows that the monster (dragon) of anxiety feeds on our stress and our negative thinking and that if we can relearn how to think in a more postive way that doesn't put ourselves down then the anxiety isn't being fed and growing.
I am still trying to rid myself of anxiety but several things I have figured out is that one of the first steps to recovery is to just 'accept' that you are prone to anxiety and don't waste energy trying to figure out 'why' we get it...we just do. It does tend to come to worriers, people pleasers, sensitive types, people worried about what others think of them, people that are hard on themselves. Now we are who we are, we need to accept that and realise there's loads of great attributes that we do have. BUT! We can relearn our thinking. Search the web in your area for someone that specialises in anxiety and teaching individuals to relearn how they think.
You can go back to teaching, you may get back many of the things you had, but you may have some healing to do first. You are probably a wonderful attribute to the teaching profession as you are probably kinder and more sensitive than most. Most importantly, you are a dad to a little one that needs you. As he/she gets older you could explain that this anxiety is one of the things dad has to battle and help him/her understand that you are still their dad and you still love them. My kids are so understanding of my anxiety and give me great comfort when I'm anxious because I've let them know that I battle with it and mum's not perfect!!!
I wish you all the best. Just know that lots of us are going through it so you ain't alone!
Kirsten

[SCOTT A LEADER]

Hi Kirsten
Thank u so much for replying to my post.
I sometimes feel so overwhelmed that i feel i cannot make any progress. Can I enquire about your experience of anxiety, how long have you been suffering? Do you have an understanding partner as my wife left as she couldn't cope./
I see you are from Australia, what part?
Im from London.

Look forward to hearing from you again
Scott

[abcdefghix]

Scott,

I feel for you and have been where you are.

The thoughts you are having are perfectly normal for someone who has been through the difficult experiences you mention.

You will get through this, trust me.

As for me, I suffered from a similar downfall and made a full recovery. And I am all the stronger now for having been there.

What helped me was this book. It was written by psychologists who have themselves been through exactly what you are going through. It truly changed my life:

http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Int ... 177&sr=8-1 (http://www.amazon.com/Get-Your-Mind-Into-Life/dp/1572244259/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1205956177&sr=8-1)

I implore you to buy it. And when you buy it, go to this forum:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/act_for_the_public

The psychologists who wrote the book post to us on that forum to help us out and answer questions. The help I got there was amazing.