Olive Yew
02-16-2014, 09:15 AM
I havent had a full blown panic attack again yet but the anxiety is sure there. Im paranoid. Sure I have some sort of terrible life threatening digestive disorder that's making me sick, tired, and lose weight (among other things). I know that I THINK it's leaky gut but I know that everyone on this site knows that Anxiety wont let you rest until you KNOW for sure. Last night I had so many issues sleeping. So. Many. Nightmares. And some of them were just more creepy than scary.
Everything all added up is making me really scared. I have a dr appt with my campus doctor on Tuesday.... But in the mean time Im stressed and scared and I just wanna be healthy again. None of this happened until I developed anxiety 7 months ago. I was FINE. I was a happy, healthy, teenage girl. I stayed up late for fun instead of for terror of what sleep will bring. I road roller coasters and went to the gym and had boundless energy. I was happy and laughed as much as I could. I had the confidence and mental stability to stay in a dorm room for a year with roomies who didnt like me and i'm even an introvert! I was the one encouraging my friends who have mental disorders (like anxiety, depression, PTSD, eating disorders, ect.) I was THAT kid... The strong if not air headed happy go lucky comic relief. And then -has to chuckle- Everything changed when the Anxiety Nation struck. Only the avatar, master of all 4 mental disorders can stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished.
Sorry. Dork moment.
But yeah.... I seem to do better when my man is here but i only get to see him once a week... Sometimes every other week. :( the rest if the time I'm struggle to remember how to breathe like a normal person and try to conceal, dont feel, dont let them know!
Another dork moment. I joke when I'm nervous. Sorry.
I JUST WANT TO LET IT GO! AND BE FREE!!! I hate this mental prison I'm in. On my good days it's like they put me on parole but then I do something to break parole and I'm back in the cells. I dont know what to do :(
Everything all added up is making me really scared. I have a dr appt with my campus doctor on Tuesday.... But in the mean time Im stressed and scared and I just wanna be healthy again. None of this happened until I developed anxiety 7 months ago. I was FINE. I was a happy, healthy, teenage girl. I stayed up late for fun instead of for terror of what sleep will bring. I road roller coasters and went to the gym and had boundless energy. I was happy and laughed as much as I could. I had the confidence and mental stability to stay in a dorm room for a year with roomies who didnt like me and i'm even an introvert! I was the one encouraging my friends who have mental disorders (like anxiety, depression, PTSD, eating disorders, ect.) I was THAT kid... The strong if not air headed happy go lucky comic relief. And then -has to chuckle- Everything changed when the Anxiety Nation struck. Only the avatar, master of all 4 mental disorders can stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished.
Sorry. Dork moment.
But yeah.... I seem to do better when my man is here but i only get to see him once a week... Sometimes every other week. :( the rest if the time I'm struggle to remember how to breathe like a normal person and try to conceal, dont feel, dont let them know!
Another dork moment. I joke when I'm nervous. Sorry.
I JUST WANT TO LET IT GO! AND BE FREE!!! I hate this mental prison I'm in. On my good days it's like they put me on parole but then I do something to break parole and I'm back in the cells. I dont know what to do :(