Completely lost.

[Anxious Abi]

I've been feeling strange all day, kind of vacant and numb. Suddenly my thinking started to go, off, I keep thinking strange impossible things.
I'm trying to gather my thoughts, articulate what they are so I can talk to the psychiatrist about it at my next appointment, but I can't seem to make sense of it all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with my personality, something I'm not quite aware of.
I'm seeing meaning in things that just don't have any.
I feel like friends are misleading me, conspiring to hurt me in some way. Strangers know my inner thoughts, they're judging me, when in reality they probably barely even noticed me.
Is it all my fault? Maybe I'm making it all happen, something I'm doing is wrong. Obviously, if I was doing it right it wouldn't be getting worse. I really don't want to start in with a myriad of self critical thoughts, but I can't seem to help it.
I have this huge overwhelming sense of hopelessness, I'm starting to think and believe weirder and weirder things by the day. All I can do right now is cry, I feel so lost, life is too much, I just don't understand it.
I think i'm losing it.

[Dahila]

NOOOOOOOO it is just some hightened anxiety and a bit of paranoia, you need to take the meds and calm down. You need to put all this on paper and take with you to doc. I put my thoughts in bullets list and go with it to doc, otherwise I would forget what I want to ask.... with my advanced age it is easy

[Anxious Abi]

I took my meds, a little earlier than usual, i'm assuming that wont do any harm.
Why is it so hard to hold onto normal rational thought?
Sometimes I don't think I know the difference between a paranoid thought and a normal one. I feel like I have to check every single thought, you know like when you want to buy something, you ask yourself, do I need it, can I afford it, will I use it? Maybe a bit more like, is it logical, rational, et cetera.
Maybe everything I think about is normal and I just think it is not. Maybe my perspective is so far from normal I see everything too sensitively.
See i'm doing it now instead of just believing, OK yes it's just a tiny bit of anxiety that is setting off this reaction and moving on, my mind still races, things that probably don't even matter.
How long does it take to learn to cope effectively? I feel like this is always going to catch me out, the same thing over and over, and i'm going to drive everyone in my life crazy as well as myself I just know it.
I'm going to eat a huge bowl of pasta bake and try to rationalize my thoughts some more and write them down.
I also would like to apologize for my lack of helpful and or meaningful advice on the forum, and my starting multiple threads of the same nature.
I'm sorry. Maybe i'm just over thinking that too and really stuff like that doesn't matter, even though something is telling me it does, I have no idea if that's paranoia or not.
Well... food.
Thanks Dahila.. I'm sure the Risperidone will start working soon.

[em1]

I took my meds, a little earlier than usual, i'm assuming that wont do any harm. Why is it so hard to hold onto normal rational thought? Sometimes I don't think I know the difference between a paranoid thought and a normal one. I feel like I have to check every single thought, you know like when you want to buy something, you ask yourself, do I need it, can I afford it, will I use it? Maybe a bit more like, is it logical, rational, et cetera. Maybe everything I think about is normal and I just think it is not. Maybe my perspective is so far from normal I see everything too sensitively. See i'm doing it now instead of just believing, OK yes it's just a tiny bit of anxiety that is setting off this reaction and moving on, my mind still races, things that probably don't even matter. How long does it take to learn to cope effectively? I feel like this is always going to catch me out, the same thing over and over, and i'm going to drive everyone in my life crazy as well as myself I just know it. I'm going to eat a huge bowl of pasta bake and try to rationalize my thoughts some more and write them down. I also would like to apologize for my lack of helpful and or meaningful advice on the forum, and my starting multiple threads of the same nature. I'm sorry. Maybe i'm just over thinking that too and really stuff like that doesn't matter, even though something is telling me it does, I have no idea if that's paranoia or not. Well... food. Thanks Dahila.. I'm sure the Risperidone will start working soon.

Hi ya Abi no that won't hurt you taking them A bit earlier,don't ever apologise we are all here to listen and help if we can,pasta bake is one of my favs and a good anxiety buster food as I call it lol
Take care

[Fourteen14]

I took my meds, a little earlier than usual, i'm assuming that wont do any harm. Why is it so hard to hold onto normal rational thought? Sometimes I don't think I know the difference between a paranoid thought and a normal one. I feel like I have to check every single thought, you know like when you want to buy something, you ask yourself, do I need it, can I afford it, will I use it? Maybe a bit more like, is it logical, rational, et cetera. Maybe everything I think about is normal and I just think it is not. Maybe my perspective is so far from normal I see everything too sensitively. See i'm doing it now instead of just believing, OK yes it's just a tiny bit of anxiety that is setting off this reaction and moving on, my mind still races, things that probably don't even matter. How long does it take to learn to cope effectively? I feel like this is always going to catch me out, the same thing over and over, and i'm going to drive everyone in my life crazy as well as myself I just know it. I'm going to eat a huge bowl of pasta bake and try to rationalize my thoughts some more and write them down. I also would like to apologize for my lack of helpful and or meaningful advice on the forum, and my starting multiple threads of the same nature. I'm sorry. Maybe i'm just over thinking that too and really stuff like that doesn't matter, even though something is telling me it does, I have no idea if that's paranoia or not. Well... food. Thanks Dahila.. I'm sure the Risperidone will start working soon.

Hope you have some luck with Risperidone (I don't know many who are fans of it), if you get to a point where you want to try a different medication, speak to your doctor about Quetiapine, I've seen far better results with it on patients than either Risperidone or Olanzapine.

[Applecherry]

I've been feeling strange all day, kind of vacant and numb. Suddenly my thinking started to go, off, I keep thinking strange impossible things.
I'm trying to gather my thoughts, articulate what they are so I can talk to the psychiatrist about it at my next appointment, but I can't seem to make sense of it all.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with my personality, something I'm not quite aware of.
I'm seeing meaning in things that just don't have any.
I feel like friends are misleading me, conspiring to hurt me in some way. Strangers know my inner thoughts, they're judging me, when in reality they probably barely even noticed me.
Is it all my fault? Maybe I'm making it all happen, something I'm doing is wrong. Obviously, if I was doing it right it wouldn't be getting worse. I really don't want to start in with a myriad of self critical thoughts, but I can't seem to help it.
I have this huge overwhelming sense of hopelessness, I'm starting to think and believe weirder and weirder things by the day. All I can do right now is cry, I feel so lost, life is too much, I just don't understand it.
I think i'm losing it.

Anxiety causes us to over-analyze thoughts/feelings, because it's looking for the danger, it's not trusting.. The basal ganglia (sp?) which is the part of the brain responsible for anxiety, becomes over-sensitive, causing us to become too "aware", makes us analyze too much, feel too much because it wants to protect. And also causes some OCD. You will eventually see what it's doing and recognize its patten, it feels very disconcerting when you're a noob to this shit, I know, but as I said you will eventually recognize when these anxiety behaviors arise, and you'll be able to manage them.

[Anxious Abi]

Hi ya Abi no that won't hurt you taking them A bit earlier,don't ever apologise we are all here to listen and help if we can,pasta bake is one of my favs and a good anxiety buster food as I call it lol
Take care
Thanks Em, your so full of kind words, thank you for putting my mind at rest about taking them early.
Hope you're taking care of yourself too.


Hope you have some luck with Risperidone (I don't know many who are fans of it), if you get to a point where you want to try a different medication, speak to your doctor about Quetiapine, I've seen far better results with it on patients than either Risperidone or Olanzapine.
Hey Fourteen14, I'm not a hundred percent sure what I think of it, my state of mind and symptoms have changed a lot since I started taking it. I have asked the Doc about changing it a couple of times but he's made no decision about it yet, will definitely talk to him about it again next time.


Anxiety causes us to over-analyze thoughts/feelings, because it's looking for the danger, it's not trusting.. The basal ganglia (sp?) which is the part of the brain responsible for anxiety, becomes over-sensitive, causing us to become too "aware", makes us analyze too much, feel too much because it wants to protect. And also causes some OCD. You will eventually see what it's doing and recognize its patten, it feels very disconcerting when you're a noob to this shit, I know, but as I said you will eventually recognize when these anxiety behaviors arise, and you'll be able to manage them.
To be honest, I always feel like I am a 'noob' at Anxiety, it seems to have morphed over the years, bringing new challenges. I really hope one day I develop a better perception of life. Thank you for trying to reassure me.

As I have expressed, I've had a bad time lately, the past couple of days I keep considering taking more of the meds just so I can just sleep through it. I'm scared i'm going back to my old ways of coping, self destructive, over dosing all the time, self harming.. I thought I had learned better coping skills, I don't know what is going on with me lately. I should feel better by now.

Something positive, so it's not all bad, my male bunny keeps chasing my all male cats and trying to mount them. I think he's coming of age. Bless.

It really helps, reading people's positive posts..
Best wishes.

[Applecherry]

Anxiety is always going to bring something new to freak about, that's it's job, we're never going to be 100 percent free of fear, to always keep you alert and afraid, that's it's job, because it's trying to protect us. but learning it's patterns is natural, and you can do it over time, is what I mean. Perception of life is pretty much everything though when it comes to being anxious, if you're unhappy and stressed about everything, then your anxiety is going to be worse.

It's good you find joy in your male bunny, lol, that is a start.. I heart bunnies, lost my last one in 2012. :(

[Anxious Abi]

Tough day, tried my best to socialize but ended up paranoid about everything. Every time someone mumbled my mind morphed it into a comment about me. Spent most of the time clinging to my best friend asking if I had done something wrong, if I looked out of place.
I guess I've been more scared lately because, I usually can calm myself with some rational thinking, but lately I can't seem to, i'm just convinced everyone dislikes me. I think i'm stuck in a bit of a rut, i'm not sure where to go from here.