Xanax after so long

[KitahD]

Anyone else feel like a failure when they're doing 'well' then need meds? I thought I was doing well then stress caught up to me last light. My mind starting fearing that I would harm one of my kids and not be able to control myself. I fixate on moms in the news who have killed their kids and wonder how they got there. Did they have anxiety?? It's very upsetting. How do I know that's not me??

[Chris C]

I think the fact that you are fearful of harming your children is a sign that you would not act on those thoughts. You have anxiety and it can come and go and make you have all kinds of irrational thoughts.

[KitahD]

Thanks, Chris...anyone else? :-/

[Enduronman]

I fixate... Did they have anxiety?? It's very upsetting. How do I know that's not me??

KitahD..whatever that means.
Your posted thread, is very disturbing. Such a short, and what looks to be "simple" post, had actually caused me great internal discomfort.
It is unsettling..and forced me to go back and review the many things that you had posted since your arrival in March of 2013.
There is a hell of alot more going on "in there" than what you lead yourself and us to believe, in fact, it's scary.
I see that you have 3 children, 4 cats, and have an extreme OCD and other disorders that more then likely come within you genetic predisposition/traits/genes
And that history of those issues that you also exposed to us too...I DID NOT WANT TO COMMENT HERE because the person behind your 82 posts,
Needs way more then just a (xanax) to calm them or save themself.....

Those Mothers have what you have, they had wayyyyy more than just anxiety so you've spent all your time here trying to convince yourself that "its only anxiety"
for which it isn't..it's more.

You desperately NEED to discuss these issues with a health professional, MD, Psychiatrists ASAP
and stop ignoring what you already know to be possible....

I HAD to type this. For you, and for your family too....

What are you going to do about this?
And don't tell me, wait for it to pass...it never will..it will only grow stronger.

You asked, "anyone else?"....Yes,. me.

I said, what needed to be said...to help YOU.

E-Man..

[KitahD]

Thank you for your reply E-man. Understandably, you are not a medical professional - or one that qualifies as a psychologist, therapist, or other mental health professional. While I understand my thoughts are disturbing, you may need to review expert opinions as exemplified through the following site http://www.ocfoundation.org/eo_intrusivekids.aspx. Do I search and search to find an opinion that suits my belief that it's anxiety? Yes. Do I find myself reading virtually the same expert opinion that these are just thoughts and nothing else? Yes. However, it's by no means a stretch to search for 'intrusive thoughts' and find that I'm not alone. Perhaps you haven't received counsel on intrusive thoughts specifically, but I actually have - despite your assumption that I have not. I don't struggle with harming my children, I struggle with the thought of harming my children - two COMPLETELY separate sentiments. You stated that I have severe OCD (how so?) and other disorders - what might those be? Reading through posts on an anxiety forum illustrates time and time again that we ask the same questions in different ways time and time again just to receive the same answer that we for some reason weren't satisfied with the first time around.

[Enduronman]

I read all of your other posts KitahD,....

Feel free to continue to express yourself and to think that this is just "anxiety" as you will...

Best wishes to you and the future.

E-Man...

[KitahD]

It wasn't my intent to engage in a debate, but most of my posts have been responses to others with similar concerns...do all of these individuals have something more than anxiety? I don't hallucinate, hear voices, nor experience mania...have never experienced psychosis...what category do I fit into that you're so concerned it's not anxiety?

[Enduronman]

First off, my principal reason for being here is to HELP people, not to hurt their feelings...as this is never my intentions.
I only type, what my own messed up mind and brain "perceives" and "sees" behind the actual words placed in front of me, on this screen...
Yes, I too have many, many psychological disturbances, conditions, disorders, and I accept that they are there and treat them all accordingly..
I see wayyyyy more in "depth" of who you are as a person just from the words you have presented over and over again whether within your own threads, or
replying to others threads in postings....I read them all again. It isn't (just) anxiety.....So, I will ask that you read this short excerpt and link to see how many issues
within this link that affect you, that you can tally or total up as I personally can find many about myself as well, but,..I understand and accept that I am more than
merely, "An anxious person"....with "anxiety"......

I am here,.because I care.....or I wouldn't be here at all.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neurosis

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroticism

The more we know, the more we understand about ourselves and who we are, the more powerful we become and gain control over these conditions and disorders.

E-Man...:)

[KitahD]

Again, thank you for your response...

[Enduronman]

Again, thank you for your response...

There is an extremely intelligent and bright person hiding behind your words that I can see, we all just want to see this person get "better"....than she is now.

My apologies if I have or had offended you in any way friend...:)

E-Man....

[cls1033]

KitahD..whatever that means.
Your posted thread, is very disturbing. Such a short, and what looks to be "simple" post, had actually caused me great internal discomfort.
It is unsettling..and forced me to go back and review the many things that you had posted since your arrival in March of 2013.
There is a hell of alot more going on "in there" than what you lead yourself and us to believe, in fact, it's scary.
I see that you have 3 children, 4 cats, and have an extreme OCD and other disorders that more then likely come within you genetic predisposition/traits/genes
And that history of those issues that you also exposed to us too...I DID NOT WANT TO COMMENT HERE because the person behind your 82 posts,
Needs way more then just a (xanax) to calm them or save themself.....

Those Mothers have what you have, they had wayyyyy more than just anxiety so you've spent all your time here trying to convince yourself that "its only anxiety"
for which it isn't..it's more.

You desperately NEED to discuss these issues with a health professional, MD, Psychiatrists ASAP
and stop ignoring what you already know to be possible....

I HAD to type this. For you, and for your family too....

What are you going to do about this?
And don't tell me, wait for it to pass...it never will..it will only grow stronger.

You asked, "anyone else?"....Yes,. me.

I said, what needed to be said...to help YOU.

E-Man..

yes E-Man is right I felt that too... talk to somebody about that please

[em1]

Ok I have to say this but I had the same exact intrusive thoughts,which I then went to my doctor who had another doctor in with her at the time so that's two doctors,and my doctor knows my past history with panic attacks and knows my whole family etc,and I was very open and truthful about my Intrusive thoughts as they scared the shit out of me big time,that's when I started setraline 50mg for the first time,I also read the imp
Of the mind about bad thoughts,very good at understanding thoughts,have you spoken to anyone about your thoughts as that's the first step to helping ease your worries and anxiety about this,how long you been on meds? Maybe you need to up your dose or change? I don't know your history?
I wish you well

[Enduronman]

KitahD,

We ALLLLLL just wanna see you make a plan, take action, and feel better as Em suggested above and as Forwells has nicely laid out for you complete with video.
There's just more there than any amount of xanax is going to help with friend....


Chris C
Forwells
CLS 1033
EM1
E-Man...:)

[GeneAllen]

I agree. You have this suffering, it's real, we need not label or name it. The symptoms are mixed. I have had some terrible intrusive thoughts, actually dreams too. Like a nightmare in the day time. Funny how I notice those can come and go fast when not anxious.

Therapy, medication, meditation, and stop comparing yourself to family. I'm sure you have a strong desire to dissociate yourself from these thoughts, trouble is as we do this we deny and fall into a worse condition. Your history (postings) show the evidence of chronic. Yes this can end. You have to own anything you want to end in your mind. Otherwise you can descend. Quit watching negative news, it's like that strong desire to attach is being fed. You won't ever understand or know what makes people do what they do, EVER!

Remember your thoughts are indeed just that, and yes anxiety can fuel an otherwise (same kind ) of fleeting thought and make it seem to attach harder on your mind. You seem to be so afraid of being "crazy" you are literally making yourself sicker. It's like mental hypochondria, am I schizo, am I bi-polar, am I this or that?

This matters not "what is" counts, right now you're concerned, and way past anxious, you feel bad about you, and this leads to a want to dissociate from yourself, acceptance is the key, allowing your thoughts, and quit the running from it. You have had a lot of great advice, I will tell you I have been here.

Fear of fear, what if's am I a killer, am I deficient? I am like my sister? My mom? NO YOU ARE NOT! You're here now get busy helping yourself, we're not "dear forum members" only we are relating to you, if you don't want to associate with us as fellow sufferers than why are you here? We're not going to tell you it's all okay and you don't need help, we are also not judging you, we all have our stories, JUST LIKE YOURS. Ignore it or act. I suggest you act. However you're going to do it your way, and that will be exactly how this gets done. Your way.

We accepted ourselves and you will too, do it now. You'll be free, your options will pop up when you accept no matter what the label YOU will be okay. You are very brave to admit your feelings, fears, now do something to eradicate them. This will take courage, which you have. You're NOT deficient. I have extensive experience being around those who have done these acts in REAL LIFE. Of course they have been or were awaiting sentencing, death penalties etc. They would never have posted here, and they have told me, if I had just talked to someone, and got help I would never have did this, be it rape, murder, molestation, etc etc. Trouble was their ego wouldn't let them admit to it all beforehand. I won't go into details, but we humans are a contradiction and a twist of fate as you know. These people inspired me to act, and you may judge them, but only because you strongly judge you unrealistically, as did they. No need for that, it just adds gas to the fire. Be well. Peace

[em1]

I agree. You have this suffering, it's real, we need not label or name it. The symptoms are mixed. I have had some terrible intrusive thoughts, actually dreams too. Like a nightmare in the day time. Funny how I notice those can come and go fast when not anxious. Therapy, medication, meditation, and stop comparing yourself to family. I'm sure you have a strong desire to dissociate yourself from these thoughts, trouble is as we do this we deny and fall into a worse condition. Your history (postings) show the evidence of chronic. Yes this can end. You have to own anything you want to end in your mind. Otherwise you can descend. Quit watching negative news, it's like that strong desire to attach is being fed. You won't ever understand or know what makes people do what they do, EVER! Remember your thoughts are indeed just that, and yes anxiety can fuel an otherwise (same kind ) of fleeting thought and make it seem to attach harder on your mind. You seem to be so afraid of being "crazy" you are literally making yourself sicker. It's like mental hypochondria, am I schizo, am I bi-polar, am I this or that? This matters not "what is" counts, right now you're concerned, and way past anxious, you feel bad about you, and this leads to a want to dissociate from yourself, acceptance is the key, allowing your thoughts, and quit the running from it. You have had a lot of great advice, I will tell you I have been here. Fear of fear, what if's am I a killer, am I deficient? I am like my sister? My mom? NO YOU ARE NOT! You're here now get busy helping yourself, we're not "dear forum members" only we are relating to you, if you don't want to associate with us as fellow sufferers than why are you here? We're not going to tell you it's all okay and you don't need help, we are also not judging you, we all have our stories, JUST LIKE YOURS. Ignore it or act. I suggest you act. However you're going to do it your way, and that will be exactly how this gets done. Your way. We accepted ourselves and you will too, do it now. You'll be free, your options will pop up when you accept no matter what the label YOU will be okay. You are very brave to admit your feelings, fears, now do something to eradicate them. This will take courage, which you have. You're NOT deficient. I have extensive experience being around those who have done these acts in REAL LIFE. Of course they have been or were awaiting sentencing, death penalties etc. They would never have posted here, and they have told me, if I had just talked to someone, and got help I would never have did this, be it rape, murder, molestation, etc etc. Trouble was their ego wouldn't let them admit to it all beforehand. I won't go into details, but we humans are a contradiction and a twist of fate as you know. These people inspired me to act, and you may judge them, but only because you strongly judge you unrealistically, as did they. No need for that, it just adds gas to the fire. Be well. Peace

Gr8 post :)

[Enduronman]

Agreed!! Awesome post Gene!

E-Man..:)