u cant "try to do that" could u?

[geekat02]

Hi all, this is my 1st post. and sorry 4 my poor english.

i allways see this common advise for increasing self-confidance: "Think u can do it before u do something, and u'll suceed." But i've found this to be very non-natural and artificial thing to do. if i take an stupid everyday example -- me trying to talk to a stranger girl. i'm nervous, but going along the above advise i say to myself: "i CAN definitely talk to this girl and make her my friend". So i finally gather up my courage and speek something to her. but my throat gets locked and the sound comming through it sounded so funny :lol: that she thinks im a phyco. The problem was, my self-confidence was a fake. so i really don't think that someone could fake that he's confident -- no matter what the self-help guides say. if u try to fake it, u are in a big trouble. i think it's better if u don't do something that make u insanely nervous, than struggling to do it and get humiliated. If u don't have a genuin self-confidence inside u, then cannot do it. if u really have the confidance, u don't even have to think about doing something -- u do it before u even think about doing it.

what u guys think?

[Robbed]

I have an issue with this whole 'think you can do something, and you will succeed' thing. It's not really true. I mean, I could think that I can push my car up a hill faster than the motor can all I want. But it will NEVER happen. Admittedly, this is a rather extreme case. But you get the idea. On the oter hand, there have also been incidents where I KNEW from the bottom of my heart that I COULDN'T do something, but still managed to succeed. For these reasons, I think this saying should be amended by saying 'think you can do something, and you have a GREATER CHANCE of succeeding'.

Anyway, now that we have THAT squared away, consider your incident. One thing that you MUST ask yourself is HOW MUCH you REALLY believed that you could talk to this girl. Because it is one thing to tell yourself you believe you can. But it is something COMPLETELY different to actually believe it from the bottom of your heart. And I don't think you do. THIS is where the problem lies.

Also, when it comes to building confidence, you might be going at this sort of thing WAYY too fast. Generally speaking, talking to women is a REALLY hard thing for ALOT of guys. For a guy who has self-confidence problems, starting to build confidence by talking to women is a little like getting into hiking by climbing Everest. Even when guys appear confident from the outside, they might be scared inside. And you cannot go from NOT being confident to being buzzing with confidence overnight when it comes to talking to women. This takes ALOT of time and effort. And it seems like self-help books DON'T say this. Perhaps a better idea is to take on lesser problems first in order to build your confidence. Then work your way up to harder stuff like talking to girls. The key point to remember when it comes to making ANY kind of change is to BE PATIENT.

[geekat02]

thanx for your thoughts Robbed, i see ur point. u can't magically create a pyramid -- you have to build it stone by stone. and u need a huge patience to go through the hard days.