I need advice.. Like badly!!

[AmberGbenga]

I'm a mess... Complete mess.. My partner and I are fighting.. A guy commented something kinda seedy on my FB status.. It was clearly a joke but my partner took it seriously and blew up.. Embarrassing me infront of my loved ones...I was furious.. I said I needed time to think.. and basically he is saying I don't love him etc.. Jealousy is his only downfall.. He is amazing in every other way.. A kind hearted man, giving and caring, a gentlemen.. But as soon as someone looks at me sideways.. He becomes a dick. Not towards me, but I get mad at him them we argue.. Happens every time. Now... We have basically broken up.. I love him... We are suppose to marry in 4 months and this shit has got me all confused and so upset let alone ANXIOUS!!! Please someone give me advice!'

[NeverToo...Fear]

Okay, first off, tell Jesse, Nixon and E-man to stop making weird, seedy comments on your FB, then-- okay, I'm obviously joking there :P

But seriously, I'm very sorry this happened. People fight over silly things because they love each other, if that makes any sense! Clearly like you said, your partner has some jealousy issues, because it was a joke; but it sounds like he takes it way more seriously. You are his and anyone doing anything slightly towards you would set him off, no?

The problem, I think here, is that HE needs to change his view of thinking. YOU can't control how guys respond to you at all, so it's a bit unfair.. Do you get angry if women make seedy comments toward him? If not, you could point that out. I think the best move right now is let both you and him calm down and then explain the situation better. He's got to realize that this wasn't your fault, and you have to realize that he is overprotective(? I think that's the right word I'm looking for) and will act over the top about those things.

Relationships are nothing without understanding and communication. Again, I'm sorry this happened, but I hope you guys can make it work !

[AmberGbenga]

Girls don't do stuff like that towards him.. I don't have that problem.. I know he is over protective.. I honestly can't even talk to him about this.. It just keeps progressing into 'he is the victim, I am the bad guy' I love him.. But it's just fucked..

[alankay]

Maybe he has the problem and if he won't deal with it, it becomes your problem. Make him take ownership of his problem. It's up to you to either make him work on this and admit an issue for a healthier life, or you get stuck enabling him. I know it's easier said than done but a pretty big deal to get addressed. Think that through.
You may need to push this as it won't just go away. Alankay

[AmberGbenga]

Alan, how exactly do I do that? He is as stubborn as I am! And that's really stubborn!!

[jessed03]

Alan makes a good point :confused: (this isn't my confused smiley btw, but my thinking it through smiley, they don't have one of those to use on here)

We've never seen you guys talk together, but we can tell how much you adore him (Infact every second post of yours mentioned your partner!)

So this sucks man!!!!!

He must realize that deep down, right :confused: - ok that time it is a confused smiley, as I'm slightly confused.

I suppose living far away does heighten the anxiety. It shouldn't though, your life has revolved around him for as long as I've known you.

Do you think he'll stick at this, or do you think he'll have his his hissy fit (yep, us guys do have em) and then come back around??

[Enduronman]

Maybe he has the problem and if he won't deal with it, it becomes your problem. Make him take ownership of his problem. It's up to you to either make him work on this and admit an issue for a healthier life, or you get stuck enabling him. I know it's easier said than done but a pretty big deal to get addressed. Think that through.
You may need to push this as it won't just go away. Alankay

Agree with Alankay!!!

and I will add in (1) word...TRUST.
Are you 1000% sure that he has total trust in YOU?

I also agree with the jealousy issue too Bamber...that isn't just going to go away (like this anxiety doesn't)...

E-Man..

[AmberGbenga]

Jesse, I don't know.. The thing is.. I don't want to change him, but I honestly.. Just can't handle the jealousy.. The over protectiveness.. I mean a little is healthy but this is pretty intense.. I'm independent, I have a lot of guy mates, and I have a obnoxious sense of humour.. Very sexual sense of humor.. It's ok if I do it towards girls, but as soon as a guy steps in with a comment it's game over.. He brings out the gloves and it's not pretty.. I mean he even reported the status as nudity/pornographic material.. And Unfriended me on FB.. It's really fucked up

[alankay]

You have to tell him how this is effecting you and your relationship and how it will damage it and him. It's real and although may stem from his deep feelings for you is out of proportion as far as emotional health goes.
Stubborn? How stubborn are you to want the best relationship for you both??? Will you fight for it or live with this? First a long talk and make him listen(tell him this is real and you deeply care for your relationship and is why the talk). Then say get help for your jealousy issue or find someone who likes it/will live with it. I doubt the little talk will do so that leaves a simple, hard ultimatum. Get help or get another. Sucks but if think it through...it either one or the other. Yeah....it sucks. Are you sure this is not a control issue for him? Alankay

[AmberGbenga]

Yer, that's good advice.. It may be? I'm not quit sure.. It seems like an alpha male thing to me.. He never says anything directly to me.. It takes me to find it and say something and him react like.. But baby? I don't know what I did wrong. -.-

[jessed03]

Oh darn Amber, that was a pretty big strop he had!!

Eman makes a good point; is it that he doesn't trust you completely, or does he just hate sharing you like that?

[AmberGbenga]

He says he trusts me, but I've said many times he has trust issues.. His response? I trust you, I just don't trust them

[NeverToo...Fear]

I don't get that.. your trust should be the ONLY thing that matters. Who cares what others do?? They can't do anything as long as YOU don't. Does he realize his protective behaviour is a tad bit extreme.. like does he acknowledge that he has a problem and is overreacting ?

[jessed03]

That's an important question from nevertoofear. If he doesn't acknowledge it, it's gonna be a real uphill road to get him to see what he's doing :-/

[Dahila]

Maybe he has the problem and if he won't deal with it, it becomes your problem. Make him take ownership of his problem. It's up to you to either make him work on this and admit an issue for a healthier life, or you get stuck enabling him. I know it's easier said than done but a pretty big deal to get addressed. Think that through.
You may need to push this as it won't just go away. Alankay
Alankay said it all:)

[AmberGbenga]

Mmm... I just love him so much

[sapper84]

OK well now for my side. Jealously, not even close. I seem to have this issue with seedy and disrespectful comments towards women. Did I handle it wrong? Hell yes I did and am remorseful about it. Trust issues? Well you would have some too if you have been broken up with or second thoughts numerous times and we haven't even been together for a year yet. And we're supposed to get married? I appreciate you guys trying help but you people need to be non bias and tactful. You didn't have all the info and I don't appreciate some of your tones. I am by no means a victim, never claimed to be. That was dead wrong. I hate my business put on blast like this but if it makes amber feel better then I can deal. You people do not know me nor do you know what I have been through. You may help her out if you wish but keep your opinions to yourself. Not needed nor wanted. Btw, I did not, I say again. I did not make her out to be the bad guy. She made mistakes too and did not want to own up to it. Just a lot of justifications, which seems to be a habit. Think what you want, I don't get paid to be liked. I do my best with what I get.

[jessed03]

OK well now for my side. Jealously, not even close. I seem to have this issue with seedy and disrespectful comments towards women. Did I handle it wrong? Hell yes I did and am remorseful about it. Trust issues? Well you would have some too if you have been broken up with or second thoughts numerous times and we haven't even been together for a year yet. And we're supposed to get married? I appreciate you guys trying help but you people need to be non bias and tactful. You didn't have all the info and I don't appreciate some of your tones. I am by no means a victim, never claimed to be. That was dead wrong. I hate my business put on blast like this but if it makes amber feel better then I can deal. You people do not know me nor do you know what I have been through. You may help her out if you wish but keep your opinions to yourself. Not needed nor wanted. Btw, I did not, I say again. I did not make her out to be the bad guy. She made mistakes too and did not want to own up to it. Just a lot of justifications, which seems to be a habit. Think what you want, I don't get paid to be liked. I do my best with what I get.

Are you Mike? Nice to meet you Mike. Heard a lot about you, and up until this last thread, all of it good.

It's always biased, you know that :) when all you get to hear is one side.

For what's it's worth, the story's we've heard about you, you guys seem great together.

Ok we've know Amber a while now, we're usually just gonna take what she says as truth. I appreciate you giving your side, it makes a clearer picture. We hear some horror stories here, so we can never be sure of certain husbands or wives or partners whatever, it wasn't personal.

To be honest, just sounds like you have a lot to talk about together man. Sounds like some you've both done some things the other ones not so happy with, I'm not sure there's anything we can do now. I'm happy to drop the thread and leave you guys to air some stuff.

[NeverToo...Fear]

OK well now for my side. Jealously, not even close. I seem to have this issue with seedy and disrespectful comments towards women. Did I handle it wrong? Hell yes I did and am remorseful about it. Trust issues? Well you would have some too if you have been broken up with or second thoughts numerous times and we haven't even been together for a year yet. And we're supposed to get married? I appreciate you guys trying help but you people need to be non bias and tactful. You didn't have all the info and I don't appreciate some of your tones. I am by no means a victim, never claimed to be. That was dead wrong. I hate my business put on blast like this but if it makes amber feel better then I can deal. You people do not know me nor do you know what I have been through. You may help her out if you wish but keep your opinions to yourself. Not needed nor wanted. Btw, I did not, I say again. I did not make her out to be the bad guy. She made mistakes too and did not want to own up to it. Just a lot of justifications, which seems to be a habit. Think what you want, I don't get paid to be liked. I do my best with what I get.

Hello, Amber's other half, Mike :) ^^ I'm assuming that's you.

I'm not going to get into this too much more, as I'm with Jesse on this feeling there's nothing we can do; it's more of a personal matter that you and Amber need to sort out, but thanks anyway for deciding to come on here and share your side of things. Whether who's wrong or right--doesn't matter too much atm because both of you guys are upset right now.. Sorry if we've said some things to upset you.. We tended to err on Amber's side cause we know her, that's all..

I hope you guys can work it out. :)

[Dahila]

There is always two sides of the story, it is tough to judge, Mike you should not be upset with us. she is always calling you "my rock" my world and excetera.... You guys talk and do not post, till the emotions cool down.
Everything is going to be good, even I am almost a senior I believe in love :)