My anxiety is effecting others...

[kkarnes]

...Specifically my boyfriend. When I have bouts of anxiety, they really do a number on our relationship and effect him just as much as they effect me.

I guess the obvious answer is to just stop having anxiety attacks....but since I probably wont master that anytime soon, any tips on how to deal with anxiety in relationships? Its not just my romantic relationships, I have wigged out on my friends as well.

I try to curb the anxiety when I feel it coming on, and use the techniques my councilor taught me, but sometimes I don't even know its happening until its too late. Anyone else have similar experiences?

[bethjjohnson]

Hi,

I, too, have trouble keeping my anxiety under control without damaging my relationship with my boyfriend. I think understanding that it's your anxiety, and not him, can really help. Also, being super open about when you're experiencing anxiety symptoms with him, can be helpful too. Try to be positive around him, so he doesn't think you're just a crabby negative bitchy-poo. I know for a while I was acting that way around him and he told me it was really starting to bum him out, and he didn't like being around a negative person like that. I suffer from really bad health anxiety. I think I'm dying from a new illness almost every day. Now I try to look at my anxiety objectively, and without judgement, and if I need to talk to him about it I try to stay calm, positive sounding, and just express how it's frustrating and brings me down. It'll be okay, I promise. Have you tried treatment? I'm going to cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and it's really helped a lot. Good luck!

[kkarnes]

Thanks for the advice Bethjjohnson. What is cognitive-behavioral therapy? I've seen people mention it on the forum but I don't know what it is.

I went to a councilor for almost a year and was on effexor during that time. I am now off effexor and I am just trying to do the things my councilor taught me, like also trying to look objectively at my anxiety, talking to my bf calmly about it, journaling, and I even joined this forum to help deal with the feeling of isolation when I am having anxiety.

I haven't had my anxiety for very long so I am learning still.

[bethjjohnson]

CBT is a type of therapy designed to help you learn the ins and outs of anxiety, and also help you confront what makes you most afraid/you worry about the most. Mine, for example, is health anxiety, so we do exercises that create certainl bodily sensations that really scare me and I keep doing them until I retrain my brain that I don't need to be afraid of these things, that they're natural and aren't caused by health issues, but rather my intense anxiety.

My boyfriend and I spend almost everyday together, since we live together, so whenever I think about him being away very long I get very anxious. I've had poor relationships in the past, and my father was a completely horrible person during childhood, and I think those things could be contributors to separation anxiety. I've been trying to find other things to rely on to help me cope, instead of strictly him. I go to my family more, I talk to friends more, and this forum is really nice. This helps him feel like he doesn't have to carry the entire burden alone.

Also, do try doing more things on your own and find pleasure in being able to be alone without anybody around to judge you. I never thought I would enjoy not being with him, until I started doing things like watching my favorite shows without him, taking evenings off just for myself (doing the nails, going out with a close friend for an evening [I only have a few really close pals, so don't worry if you don't have a huge posse], reading, watching DVDs in my room...and other "girl" things that you wouldn't necessarily want to do around the boyfriend. It's helped so much. I think it's mostly about letting go and riding on faith a little (not the Jesus kind necessarily) that he loves you, and not letting the worse case scenarios sneak into your mind. It really just takes practice.