remembering life without anxiety/depression

[I am not my brain]

Anyone remember comfortable times in their life when anxiety and depression wasn't a issue?

I was recently thinking about my times in community college. I remember the winters when I used to sit with the math tutors, and feel really good about how my life was going. I can remember walking out to my car, from my old campus, in the freezing cold, but it had such a positive feel to it. From there I would go and pick my daughter up, go home, make a big cup of chocolate milk, and pass out with my daughter watching one of my favorite movies. I can remember all the positive feelings, the feelings of comfort, the calmness, and the security. I also remember being in classes, and friends texting me what the plans for the weekends were. The anticipation for parties!! I felt wanted. I felt important.

The summers where so much fun without anxiety as well. The heat never irritated me as it does now. Cook outs with friends, being able to drink alcohol with no problems!!!

Over the past four years have been hell from this, to say the least. Anxiety, panic, fear, sadness. Withdrawals from medications. Constantly visiting the doctors. Horrible symptoms. Sleep is hard to come by. Relationships have been torn apart. The seasons feel different. Accomplishments don't feel the same. The feelings of comfort, calmness, and security have vanished.

I really don't like this new experience, and haven't quite come to terms with it. I would do anything to go back to the old me :)


I just wanted to write to try and clear my mind. Writing the first portion of this brought me comfort momentarily. I'm very grateful for having the positive experiences I was able to have. I would sometimes get upset that some seem to be able to sustain their health, relationships, and enjoyment of life. Now I just try to accept my situation, and be grateful for the things I have learned, as well as overcome, in this struggle.

Another thing that comforts me is understanding that everything is transient. Our health, our relationships, even our lives. Hopefully these hard times will be transient as well.

[Applecherry]

Yes, I do, and I miss it. I worry I'll never be able to enjoy it again as I once did.. :( I was thinking of that only yesterday...how tired I am of feeling anxious and depressed and hopeless about the future like ALL the time as of late.. I mean, I have some times where I do feel a bit better, but nothing like how I used to be. I guess one positive thing of dealing with this kind of situation is that when we (hopefully recover) we will be much less likely to take a mentally healthy day forgranted ever again.

[I am not my brain]

Yes, I do, and I miss it. I worry I'll never be able to enjoy it again as I once did.. :( I was thinking of that only yesterday...how tired I am of feeling anxious and depressed and hopeless about the future like ALL the time as of late.. I mean, I have some times where I do feel a bit better, but nothing like how I used to be. I guess one positive thing of dealing with this kind of situation is that when we (hopefully recover) we will be much less likely to take a mentally healthy day forgranted ever again.

I know exactly what you're saying. I do have brief times when I feel normal, but they are brief.

When I think on it, it burns me up sometimes knowing that normal feeling was once constant. I also envy the people around me who are able to live on with their lives in a normal fashion. If we are, as fortunate to recover, you can bet that I will never take life for granted ever again.

[Applecherry]

I know exactly what you're saying. I do have brief times when I feel normal, but they are brief.

When I think on it, it burns me up sometimes knowing that normal feeling was once constant. I also envy the people around me who are able to live on with their lives in a normal fashion. If we are, as fortunate to recover, you can bet that I will never take life for granted ever again.

Yes, normal feeing used to be constant. I used to enjoy going out to restaurants, now, every time I know I'm going to one, I get sick with anxiety.. I used to enjoy going out shopping, now it's just something I dread due to more attacks coming.. I'm sick to death of it being like this.

I hope we both can be well again.

[I am not my brain]

I hope we both can be well again.

We will :)

[blondieqtpie]

May I ask if something triggered your anxiety? For me it was a traumatic experience from 19-20 years old, which left me when PTSD, psychotic flashbacks, depression, panic and anxiety. For a few years after I fell deep into partying and heavy drug and alcohol use. I'm sure it was to cope with it all. To this day my PTSD is not so bad, and I've best depression and the psychotic flashbacks (those were nightmares!).
Just I'm sure everyone's story is different. So my entire adult life has been a roller coaster ride with anxiety and panic... And as much as I love roller coasters this one I don't like. I will go on and off meds, because I don't like being on them. Other than that I love my wine... But when my anxiety has high points I drink more, because I wake up during the night and drink ( ummm like right now).
Sometimes I find myself feeling quite normal and I cherish those times. Enjoying my children and life... Friends, family...
This past summer we took our vacation on the lake in my husbands home town.. Which is small and my anxiety was pretty down-- I found a new love-- kayaking which also I found to be peaceful and anxiety free to do. It was a gorgeous spot on the lake. Water helps me feel calm--- a river, lake. So cherish the times without anxiety and maybe you will find the 'old you' some day.

[I am not my brain]

May I ask if something triggered your anxiety? For me it was a traumatic experience from 19-20 years old, which left me when PTSD, psychotic flashbacks, depression, panic and anxiety. For a few years after I fell deep into partying and heavy drug and alcohol use. I'm sure it was to cope with it all. To this day my PTSD is not so bad, and I've best depression and the psychotic flashbacks (those were nightmares!).
Just I'm sure everyone's story is different. So my entire adult life has been a roller coaster ride with anxiety and panic... And as much as I love roller coasters this one I don't like. I will go on and off meds, because I don't like being on them. Other than that I love my wine... But when my anxiety has high points I drink more, because I wake up during the night and drink ( ummm like right now).
Sometimes I find myself feeling quite normal and I cherish those times. Enjoying my children and life... Friends, family...
This past summer we took our vacation on the lake in my husbands home town.. Which is small and my anxiety was pretty down-- I found a new love-- kayaking which also I found to be peaceful and anxiety free to do. It was a gorgeous spot on the lake. Water helps me feel calm--- a river, lake. So cherish the times without anxiety and maybe you will find the 'old you' some day.

I can't point my finger on what triggered my anxiety. I believe it was a combination of things ( stress, being too hard on myself, chaotic personal life, guilt). I've made a long way in recovery, but I have a long way to go.

I'm very happy to hear you've been successful at finding certain coping mechanisms that work for you. It's also good that you have spurts of good moments, and still find things that are enjoyable. I still have a lot of things I enjoy doing as well, so during hard times I just think of the things I am grateful for.

I know the old me is still there, and once I figure this thing out he'll be back :)

[Sharon18]

I try not to think about the old me.....then id feel even shitter...this anxiety is how its always gonna be for me :( 15yrs of this is long enof

[I am not my brain]

I try not to think about the old me.....then id feel even shitter...this anxiety is how its always gonna be for me :( 15yrs of this is long enof

I totally understand. Sometimes when I get flashbacks of the good times it makes me sad/frustrated.

I know anxiety takes a toll, and you feel like give up on getting better sometimes, but keep pushing. I really believe that if we put 110% into beating this disorder it can be done.

[Sharon18]

I totally understand. Sometimes when I get flashbacks of the good times it makes me sad/frustrated.

I know anxiety takes a toll, and you feel like give up on getting better sometimes, but keep pushing. I really believe that if we put 110% into beating this disorder it can be done.

True!! Bad days suck :(

[blondieqtpie]

My trigger was 17years ago... And eeek! Of you've read my postings carefully I think my age slipped out.
I would not say I want the old me back... I just want me --- the times when high anxiety is not present in my life and I feel normal.
Just was browsing the App Store again ... Time to try out a couple of potential relaxing games
And why are some of the games with the most beautiful relaxing graphics puzzle games of find the object?? Beautiful to look at and listen to but frustrating to play sometimes

[AmberGbenga]

Anxiety, your not alone.
http://youtu.be/kN9Z1ZPeoj4

Anxiety, a blessing in disguise?
http://youtu.be/q3VWe858hck

[joolz5108]

remember, you have to have bad days to appreciate the good ones. <3

[WestCanada05]

Honestly not a day goes by thinking about how if my first panic attack never happened how much better my life would be.

[El Lukio]

I think in some way, you mourn the passing of your old self. If you can remember what it felt like to be in control a tiny part of you will grieve for it.

For the lucky ones amongst us, who knew what life was like before anxiety, we would go back to a time when things were easy.

I don't want to feel like this forever. It's destroying my life, my relationships and sucking the excitement and enjoyment out of everything.

We've only got one shot at this life - it's not a dress rehearsal and I just hope that one day we will all be able to get to a place where we can enjoy it, be comfortable and be excited again.

[kazza91]

Hey my names Karina n I've been suffering anxiety for 7 years I had no anxiety 3 months ago n now it's coming back and it's hitting me hard my mind keeps saying I'm going to die and I'm scared has anyone had this feeling?