Relationship Anxiety - When all goes well but you can't help but be nervous.

[trainerash]

Hey all,
I wanted to know who feels this type of anxiety I have. I'm in a stable and happy relationship - but I come from a background that doesn't know what that means. Growing up, I had a very unstable household with a lot of arguments and changes.
So, I am living with my fiancee and, when we don't have anything planned and just hang out in the house doing our own thing, I feel extremely anxious. He'll be just watching TV or doing something else and I'll be playing videogames, but the entire time I'm feeling guilty and feeling "is this what couples do? am I boring him? should I be suggesting stuff to do?"
Then, when I do suggest stuff to do or ask if he is bored, he will say he's just fine chilling. I get really stressed out as I don't know how a couple's daily routine should feel like.
And BTW, this doesn't mean we don't do stuff or that we don't talk to each other or anything. It's more the fact that I can't deal well with the moment in which nothing is happening. But I'm like this with everything in my life...
What are your thoughts?

Thanks!

[flowergirl2310]

I feel like you.

My parents although are why I feel that way. They are always asking why I don't do more things, and I get pretty paranoid, it's horrible !
If you are happy than don't think too much

[jjh333]

I think a lot of people with anxiety will get those insecure feelings of "what ifs" and overthinking. I brought it up to a doctor one time and an easy technique she gave me is to think "what can I do to strengthen this relationship?" .... maybe in your insecure moments when you feel like nothing is happening, it might help just to ask him "how was your day?". Eventually, you won't have to purposefully ask yourself what to do to strengthen the relationship, your brain will begin to unconsciously do it. This isn't just for romantic relationships either, I use the technique with my dad too.

[Nikkers]

I used to be the same way, I don't need to be so worried atm as I'm not in a relationship right now but I can definitely relate. My boyfriend was happy to stay at home all the time and play video games or watch TV or a movie. I was always saying to him "Aren't you bored, don't you want to go out, are you sure you're ok just staying at home?" He always told me he was happiest at home with me and I always felt like I he was missing out. We were together for 3 years and throughout that 3 years he was always a happy spirited person, he never seemed bored and never ever gave me the impression that he wished to be elsewhere. The fact that we are not together today has nothing to do with any of the above, I ended it because I felt I needed to get a hold of this anxiety/depression before I could truly give myself fully to a relationship.

I'm not sure about you, but I think a huge factor that made me feel like this was the fact that because of my social anxiety, I have no friends and I rarely leave the house so for the longest time the only thing I have had to go by, which I perceived to be "the norm" was the TV. Shows with couples out and about, on picnics and doing all sorts of wonderful romantic activities, going out to clubs together and massive family gatherings. This became my idea of how things were supposed to be when in reality, most couples prefer to stay home together, get a pizza and watch a movie :) xo

[trainerash]

Hey,
Thanks for your replies - I figure that is all in my head and that I have to learn to manage it. I am lucky that my fiancee is very patient and calm about it - he doesn't stress when I tell him "I'm boring you. You would rather be with someone more engaging than me". I hope this goes away with time.