Afraid of dying, of leaving my children

[rhan86]

Sometimes I just stare at my kids and think about the reality of this messed up life, I have fear of dying because I never want to be away from them..How could heaven be heaven without my kids. They are my heaven. Someone close to our family just passed away and everytime someone we know passes away I start thinking in depth about life and its scary!

Obviously Im afraid of something happening to them also but I dont even like to discuss that.
we all have anxiety for a reason! Life is crazy when you really think about it. I feel like people with anxiety have bigger brains, we think in depth! lol

[lucy88]

I feel the same im so scared my kids have been my rock through all this :( xxx

[mistiblue]

Sometimes I just stare at my kids and think about the reality of this messed up life, I have fear of dying because I never want to be away from them..How could heaven be heaven without my kids. They are my heaven. Someone close to our family just passed away and everytime someone we know passes away I start thinking in depth about life and its scary!

Obviously Im afraid of something happening to them also but I dont even like to discuss that.
we all have anxiety for a reason! Life is crazy when you really think about it. I feel like people with anxiety have bigger brains, we think in depth! lol

You just spoke everything I think about on a daily basis. I actually get depressed thinking about it and it makes me want to withdrawal. I have to tell myself everyday to cherish the time I do have with them. I think we are all afraid of dying...those of us with health anxiety anyway. Right now, I am dealing with some physical issues and it's all I can do to not let them consume me.

I can totally sympathize with you :(

[rhan86]

Thank you both for the replies. It is so hard worrying like this, yesterday night before going to bed I couldnt stop thinking about this and crying. The what ifs of life ,I cant even take and dont understand. I want to just enjoy life with my beautiful children , sometimes my fears do make that hard..

[sophie822]

I've only had 'health anxiety' since my youngest boy was born in June and coincidently a close family member died at the same time... Now I cannot bear to be away from my boys... I even sleep next to them (when I can) I think about never seeing them again or being able to cuddle them and it breaks my heart! Bedtime routine has changed also as I just sit with them until they fall asleep.. I know it's not particularly great but as the song goes I don't want to miss a thing!! Ironically though they are missing a lot because the children haven't got a calm balanced mother and the time I spend with them is overshadowed by panic attacks and worrying! Which I try to protect them from but I think children are far more intuitive than we think! So I completely understand what you are feeling
!!

[rhar]

I also have this fear. My fear is driven by the thought that I don't have panic that I'm dying of brain disease or tumor etched and I'll never get to see my daughter grow up.
When I do start to panic when I'm away from her as soon as I think of her and those thoughts it becomes a full blown attack.
My panic is started by my symptoms which I constantly have. Some days I do great then some days (like today) it's absolute HELL :(

I'm sorry you feel like this too, it's no way to enjoy life but so hard to stop

[JLBnole68]

"What if". Two very powerful words. Our worst enemy. Keeps us living in the future. Always thinking about tomorrow, but never enjoying today. "What if". Two words that can make your life a living hell unless... "What if" everything's going to be fine? "What if" I started living my life again? "What if" I started doing that today instead of putting it off? "What if" I can have a long and prosperous life full of lots of joy and happiness? "What if" I could start being grateful and realize there are many people around the world who aren't half as lucky as I? "What if" I made it a point to laugh and smile today? And tomorrow? And the next day? "What if" my family saw me happy again? What would happen? And just like that, "what if" just became our biggest ally and our new best friend.

[SSMommy]

Ladies.... Wow this is absolutely the way I feel. Each of you have described me. I also have health anxiety and now that I have my daughter who is two. I also had a loved one pass away (suicide) about 10 days after she was born which was extremely sad and made me look at life and death so much during a time when you're already prone to depression. I rock my daughter to sleep every night and enjoy every single second. I don't think you should feel a single bit of guilt about sitting with your children until they fall asleep. Enjoy every moment :) they may be too young to even know but if you enjoy the time that's what matters. Just make sure you're not sitting in there crying while they are falling asleep.

Our children are precious gifts and it makes sense that it breaks our hearts to think of not being around them but what JB said above is really true and inspiring. We just have to try and remember that and do our best to instill good values and love into out children's hearts and minds every chance I get.

I want to say that one thing I do that I have found therapeutic is that I write down the funny things she says and does or that we do together in a journal so that she will always have that someday. I want to be able to share these with her when she is older and reflect when I'm older and have forgotten.... But it is there just in case too. It's basically a journal for your children... And after entry I write love mom.

This is What makes work hard for me every single day. I feel I'm missing out on so much.

[rhan86]

"What if". Two very powerful words. Our worst enemy. Keeps us living in the future. Always thinking about tomorrow, but never enjoying today. "What if". Two words that can make your life a living hell unless... "What if" everything's going to be fine? "What if" I started living my life again? "What if" I started doing that today instead of putting it off? "What if" I can have a long and prosperous life full of lots of joy and happiness? "What if" I could start being grateful and realize there are many people around the world who aren't half as lucky as I? "What if" I made it a point to laugh and smile today? And tomorrow? And the next day? "What if" my family saw me happy again? What would happen? And just like that, "what if" just became our biggest ally and our new best friend.

Love it :) so very true! I am working on fighting my fears and going on with life. The reality of life is scary but I should enjoy the time I am here on earth with my children. I absolutely hate anxiety!

[rhan86]

thank you all for the replies, I appreciate them all. Love this forum!

[trinidiva]

I feel that way too....

[rhan86]

I told my girls we are going to have ice cream, homemade popcorn and watch movies after they get out of school. I have definitely been in crazy anxiety mode lately and I need to get out of it for them! Staying busy is key for me.!

[mykids12]

I'm afraid of this as well. My mother in law just passed away almost 2 months ago. It was the first time I had ever actually been there when a family member passed away. Since then I've been a mess. I know in have setting medical going on with me but I assume the worst and that I'm going to die soon. I've learned to talk myself through it and out of that most of the time and keeping busy helps but there are those days that it's harder. Talking with other helps, especially those that feel the same as you. I've gotten lots better with that thinking within the past month or so though.

[rhan86]

I'm afraid of this as well. My mother in law just passed away almost 2 months ago. It was the first time I had ever actually been there when a family member passed away. Since then I've been a mess. I know in have setting medical going on with me but I assume the worst and that I'm going to die soon. I've learned to talk myself through it and out of that most of the time and keeping busy helps but there are those days that it's harder. Talking with other helps, especially those that feel the same as you. I've gotten lots better with that thinking within the past month or so though.

Sorry about your MIL. :(

I talk myself through my anxiety too. But Its really the researching illnesses that I have got to stop doing! That is what makes me think I have something life threatening wrong with me. I will do good for about 6 months then it will hit me again when some new symptom appears. I have health anxiety no doubt.!