Do I suffer from anxiety?

[Whatdo]

Hi,
I have a few life problems that sometimes put me in a depressed state, but most of the time I feel I can handle it, even though I'm not happy. I don't think I am clinically depressed because I can feel the difference of "being in a good place" and when my neurotransmittors are out of whack and "in a bad place".

All my problems are fears, but I don't have other anxiety related issues so I'm not sure if I actually have any disorder or whatever.

Problem 1: I'm a musician, and have always been doing music. It's what I feel is my #1 reason to live. The thing is I've been learning to sing and I have an undiagnosed problem with my voice. I take lessons but still struggle because of an easily identifiable but obviously not easily diagnosed issue. I think (hope) it's allergies, but fear that there is some permanent damage because I overused my voice in the past (and saw a doctor). I've had my voice looked at twice since then and both times they've said I'm fine. But the thoughts of, what if they were wrong, what if they missed something hard to detect haunts my mind. Maybe I'm fine, maybe I'm not. I don't know and I'm currently investigating (and have been for many months)

Problem 2: Relationships. Have been a complete failure at it in my teens, but not so much anymore. I still have problems in this area but I'm making progress and moving forward, so even though it's not "fixed" completely it's at least moving in the right direction. However I still beat myself up for how I tackled (or more correctly, didn't tackle) this area before, and feel like I've wasted part of my life on this (even though I'm just 21). Still don't have a girlfriend, so this is definitely a contributing factor but not the nr 1 factor:

Problem 3: I have some health worries, I have fear of MS because of some symptoms I'm having. I've been to the doctor, and basically he said in my current state it didn't look like anything serious, but the symptoms were strange and I should come back if it gets much worse. So basically here as well I don't have any diagnosis of anything but these symptoms have me going what if, what if, what if - my life would be ruined.

Now depending on my mood, I am aware of this, my beliefs change. When I feel sad all logic goes out the window. With problem 1 I become sure my voice is ruined forever. With problem 2 I feel sure I am hopeless, worthless and will never solve my relationship issues. With problem 3 I am sure I have MS. Music means so much to me and the fear of my voice being not okay makes me want to die, so the thought that my voice isn't ok is the same to me as having a terminal illness - it would be the end of my life. I think of my suicide, my funeral and my mother crying (which makes me feel even worse). I'm not actually suicidal though, because my death is also a "what if" scenario, my voice could be fine so I'm not going to do anything stupid. I just mentioned it to explain my emotional turmoil

When I feel normal (not depressed state) I can handle it but I at least feel that my existance is pointless and that I am just wasting time. When I began writing this post I was in a depressed state, anxious and was crying. Then I talked on the phone to a friend for 20 minutes and now I feel "normal" just that I still question wheter life is worth living is depending on my problems (primarily problem 1). It's so exhausting to spend so much time in this limbo state (I've been like this for months now) of, is my voice ok, do I have ms, will I ever be happy? Will my life end? A few days of feeling ok, a few days of a lot of misery even though my mood can shift, it's not set in stone.

So at my worst I feel depressed, at my best I feel not depressed but just that my existance is pointless and that I'd rather be asleep. I really love sleeping now. when I feel normal I am more rational and can at least entertain the thought that there might be solutions to my problems, even though I don't fully believe it. When I am sad I believe all my problems are permanent (accept it, stop kidding yourself, I say to myself)

edit: I also am a law student in college, I'm doing fine here so education/job is not a specific issue for me but it does not give me any fulfillment. Only music does.

So with this said what is your opinion, do I have problems that need professional help? What do I do?

[NixonRulz]

I don't want to dismiss any part of your story but a lot of what you write could be in a book called "Shit that Happens to a 21 Year Old"

A lot of the emotional roller coaster involving girls is normal behavior. You're 21. You're not supposed to be in too deep with a relationship and you should be bouncing around between girls. Trust me, once you're married, you'll treasure those moments in time!

Again, I'm not dismissing your story about your health anxiety at all because those seem real and they can truly be scary. I don't know if you have a disorder or not but your concerns about your health and death at such a young age warrants a discussion with your doc to solicit their advice and opinion.

I developed health anxiety years ago and it can consume you.

Regarding your singing, that is kinda cool. Many years ago I played in several bands and traveled the east coast playing club tours. Best times ever!

I hope it goes right with your throat so you are able to sing. It sounds important to you.

Worse case scenario could be to be the lead guitarist. Chicks dig the guitar players as much as the singers and you would be able to still play music.

Get yourself a full check up from a good doc to eliminate any of your fears.

I'm sure the things that the doc asked you to keep an eye on won't amount to anything wrong.

Good that you are looking for help at such an early stage of your anxiety.

You can beat it down when you get it early like you have.

[Enduronman]

hmmm what to do....
1. From that entire post, everything in it just appears kind of mono-tone, flat..._______________..
2. Have you always been a singer, or is this just something that appeals to you more than anything else?
That's kind of what it looks like, and you're kicking yourself around wondering if there is something wrong with your voice...
Is there something wrong with it, or as it appears to me, it's just not the voice you wish to hear.
3. Relationships are also ________. Because as it seem according to your last paragraphs...nothing else really interest you other than being a musician.
So. essentially, you also kick yourself around about this too because you're not in a relationship but yet put forth no effort to obtain or have one.
What's the point? Should I sit here and wait to win the lottery? Get my point?
4. You have a fear of MS. I have a disease that looks like MS and CP when it hits me. And, MS can be found easily in an ANA blood test.
So again, worrying about something that you have done no real investigations into? All they need is 4 vials of blood. Look, no MS.
5. Whenever I see a bright young man, 21, Law student, my gf of 8 yrs is a Judge, sitting around and worrying about things that he's doing nothing about, I find
this somewhat troubling.
6. When you feel normal, you're just ________. When your're depressed, you're definitely depressed and you know it....thinking about ^^^^^^^^^^ things that aren't
appealing to you, but it bother you not to have them.

No fulfillment.

Yes, you need a number of things here:
1. Go see a Doctor to discuss exactly what you just took the time to type out here...You feel flat. You feel Bla,...drab...dull...depressed.
2. Get some medications designed to help put some skip back into the step and to make you see that there is some enjoyment in life.
3. Dont sit around (sleep) and wait for it to change or to come to you, and no, it isn't a weakness, it must be addressed...or this is the way it will always be.
4. There is literally 0 in there that makes me think you have any sort of anxiety whatsoever..just depression, bored, not enough challenges, not any interest except one
that you say, you're not meeting your own set forth expectations in regards too.
5. Also, hire a therapist, hang with some friends and or family, and let them know what's going on with you too...they may already know, but are waiting for you to step up.

IMHO Not anxiety..depression/mood swings/and just a mild personality disorder that can be adjusted within a month or two to be better, not perfect, but better....

Yes, you need Professional help.

That's what I would do, What to do....

E-Man...:)

[alankay]

Yeah a mild to moderate anxious depression. Common. Worried and down, worried and down. Good days, bad days. Common really but if you feel that bad you might go talk to a counselor at your college med service if they provide that. We all go through a similar deal to some extent. If you don't miss school or work no need for meds, etc. you are going through a tough period as many do. I did. :) you'll be OK with perhaps some help working on your issues. PM an time. Alankay

[Whatdo]

hmmm what to do....
1. From that entire post, everything in it just appears kind of mono-tone, flat..._______________..
2. Have you always been a singer, or is this just something that appeals to you more than anything else?
That's kind of what it looks like, and you're kicking yourself around wondering if there is something wrong with your voice...
Is there something wrong with it, or as it appears to me, it's just not the voice you wish to hear.
3. Relationships are also ________. Because as it seem according to your last paragraphs...nothing else really interest you other than being a musician.
So. essentially, you also kick yourself around about this too because you're not in a relationship but yet put forth no effort to obtain or have one.
What's the point? Should I sit here and wait to win the lottery? Get my point?
4. You have a fear of MS. I have a disease that looks like MS and CP when it hits me. And, MS can be found easily in an ANA blood test.
So again, worrying about something that you have done no real investigations into? All they need is 4 vials of blood. Look, no MS.
5. Whenever I see a bright young man, 21, Law student, my gf of 8 yrs is a Judge, sitting around and worrying about things that he's doing nothing about, I find
this somewhat troubling.
6. When you feel normal, you're just ________. When your're depressed, you're definitely depressed and you know it....thinking about ^^^^^^^^^^ things that aren't
appealing to you, but it bother you not to have them.

No fulfillment.

Yes, you need a number of things here:
1. Go see a Doctor to discuss exactly what you just took the time to type out here...You feel flat. You feel Bla,...drab...dull...depressed.
2. Get some medications designed to help put some skip back into the step and to make you see that there is some enjoyment in life.
3. Dont sit around (sleep) and wait for it to change or to come to you, and no, it isn't a weakness, it must be addressed...or this is the way it will always be.
4. There is literally 0 in there that makes me think you have any sort of anxiety whatsoever..just depression, bored, not enough challenges, not any interest except one
that you say, you're not meeting your own set forth expectations in regards too.
5. Also, hire a therapist, hang with some friends and or family, and let them know what's going on with you too...they may already know, but are waiting for you to step up.

IMHO Not anxiety..depression/mood swings/and just a mild personality disorder that can be adjusted within a month or two to be better, not perfect, but better....

Yes, you need Professional help.

That's what I would do, What to do....

E-Man...:)

Thanks for replying.

Always been a musician, not always a singer but for several years. As I am training to take my singing to the next level there is a problem of health hindering me (as I said probably allergy). This is 100% sure, the problem is I haven't been able to resolve it for many months and it's driving me insane because in spite of having consistent correct vocal habits I'm essentially not moving forward. So there is a health issue hindering my singing abilities yes.

I have made great efforts to abtain relationships and I still am, and have had some success I really don't feel like going into details. It's been a long road for me (from social anxiety) and it just is still a work in progress after a long time.

I guess I could try to get tests for MS but I'm not sure if I will get any based on my worries when ther are not more symnptoms. The doc didn't want to investigate yet so what can I do?

And the thing you have wrong is that I'm doing nothing, that's wrong I'm doing everything I can to solve all of these (except maybe the ms worry), which is why it's so frustrating. But I can't run to the doctors office every week...


Nixon, thanks for your response.
It's not "jumping between girls" it's more like a history of fucked up self esteem no girls etc but moving in the right direction.

I don't do music to "impress chicks", I could care less and I already play guitar. It really means the world to me.

[Enduronman]

We weren't trying to be hard on you friend, only express what we "see" in your words...

And as I stated, that entire post was mono-tone and flat....yes, you need help.

It would be like sitting in a classroom, listening to a teacher talk, that never changed the octaves or tones in their voices regardless of what they said..That's what was seen.

I really do hope you found something useful here, so you can be more vibrant as you are intelligent..

Best wishes bruh!!

E-Man...

[Whatdo]

Ok thanks. I was trying to be as clear and structured as I could in my opening post.

I guess I don't have anxiety but issues with handling my circumstances which is causing me mood swings. I think a therapist might be a good idea, I've tried talking to friends but I just can't seem to open up to them. I might want to sometimes but when the time comes I just can't. I've never told anyone everything like I did here (even if it was summarized)...

Thanks

[Enduronman]

Friends don't and can't understand no matter how hard we try to explain it, until we're blue in the face...No one can know how you feel, unless they've truly been there and or walked in your shoes..

That's what makes this place so unique, some of us can feel how you feel, and then express it in a way that you can see from our views..Get it?

Like looking into a mirror, but your image is communicating with you...

Yes, it was very structured, but, it had 0 emotion in it (I hate that word, IDK why) and maybe you do too, but we must "show" some emotion when explaining an emotion.

Law school?...That's where you'll learn some ways to "state or express" emotions...especially in a court of Law.

See my points brah?

I still think the right medication, would help you greatly too...:)

[Whatdo]

Maybe you are right, maybe I need meds. I think worries/depression and things like that can really sneak up on you. It starts off as one problem and gradually increases over a long time and then you just realize, I'm worried about something all the time, my life view has turned extremley negative, I'm never really happy. Maybe I have a problem.

Thanks

[Enduronman]

Yes,..and it won't take 11 different meds like me, it will only take (1)....the (1) that suits you friend...:)

[Dahila]

Well you are only 21 and what you are in is typical for this age. You probably need a therapist and maybe something from doc. Everything was said already by Nixon, Eman and others.

My very good friend in old country was a vocalist, very, very successful, countless concerts and awards, then he got sick and he could not sing anymore, he was 35 a this time or so. Remember he was trained to sing from as early as 5 years old. Did he commit suicide , because he lost what he loved the most ,NOOOOOOOO he found another career and was successful in it too. He was struggling with depression for some months... Many people lose what they love and they survive .... You do not even have anything indicated that there is something wrong with your voice. You would like to do faster progress, but in real life, you need to put a lot of work in it. It will progress and you will sing. :))