Moralfe
12-27-2013, 05:04 PM
I am normally not this nervous or anxious. It has been there pretty much all day. I have all the normal signs. Feel tired, shakey, nauseous. All day I felt nervous. I work up with pain in my trapezius and neck. I have been tensing up all day and now I feel the pain in my pectoral muscle. I wish I could turn it off. I know I have not helped myself either. I have been paying too much attention to my heart rate. I am a bit sick. Soar throat, very dry. I think I have a head cold. Which I know raises you hr. I know it is silly but I tend to over think things now. Never did it this bad in the past. Ever since my first panic attack I harp on things that I never did in the past. I think that once my situation has changed I will be able to leave this behind me. I believe all this began when the company I work for decided to change my job role 2.5 years ago. In the beginning I did not know what I would be doing but really fast I found out and really fast I did not like what I would be doing. From that moment I began to be mad and get frustrated. I also began obsessing about what job can I get to get out of this role. I would spend my nights searching the internet for jobs and thinking about what to do. I finally got an interview for another position withing my company and I did not get it because I was not a close friend to the hiring director. That really blew my top. That was the first time I felt my heart race a bit. Before that I would feel shortness of breath and tightness in my left arm. Around a month after not getting the job which was March of this year I went into a full blown panic attack while driving. Scariest thing I ever experienced. I have done cbt and it has done wonders. One thing I cannot understand is how my mind can change the way I have been thinking for so long in am instant. And then it takes a really long time to get it back to the way it was. One thing I have noticed is that as long as I can keep myself occupied I am fine. Once I realize that I do not have anything to do I get the wired and frightening thoughts. I wish there was a way to just forget this ever happened. Well that is what I ask for when I pray.
Anyone else have the same issues? Thank you for reading.
Anyone else have the same issues? Thank you for reading.