Kaylee Quinlan
12-18-2013, 04:05 PM
I am so thankful for this forum and all of the people on here that are going through similar things as me. My family, friends, and doctors dont seem to understand what it really feels like and although I dont personally know any of you, its great to have your support. Im just not sure what to do anymore? Im sure alot of you have read my past posts but I have been through so much crap in the last 2 months. Here is my lovely story (if you dont already know); 2 months ago I found a small enlarged lymph node on my neck and everything spiraled down hill from there. I have thought I had lymphoma or leukemia, esophageal cancer, lung cancer, bone cancer, and now a brain tumor. The enlarged lymph node is still there, I was coughing up a bunch of blood, my muscles hurt and were twitching, I often have chest pain, I have joint pain in one finger, I have been getting frequent headaches for the past few days, I am constantly lightheaded, and I cant stop thinking im dying. I have had numerous CBCs done, which never showed anything but low potassium a few weeks ago. I have had dozens of chest xrays done (always clear), I have had a finger xray done (which showed a teeny tiny spot in between one of the joints), i have had a leg xray done (which was clear), i have had 2 chest cat scans done (one showed pneumonia, the other showed the pneumonia was clear). I have had a laryngoscopy done (which showed acid reflux). I have had a barium swallow done (which also showed acid reflux). The only thing I havent had done is imaging of my head. Now I know that im not going to stop worrying until I have had those images done. should I request those images be done for my own satisfaction or is there more of a risk in doing so? I have dealt with some sort of anxiety my entire life but never have I dealt with health anxiety until now. It has totally consumed me. I lost my job, I failed the last quarter of school, my kids are 500 miles away because I could no longer care for them because I kept getting so sick, im currently in the middle of losing my house, and my family will no longer talk to me if it has to do with any physical symptoms. I like to think I am a pretty smart person and also that I know my body pretty well and that all of these symptoms are new symptoms. I mentioned brain tumor to the doc and counselor the other day and they suggested there would be some sort of indication in my blood work if i had a brain tumor. i dont think that is true. so...is this really all anxiety or are the doctors missing something simply because they think its anxiety? Im so lost. I dont sleep very much anymore and i cry constantly. I dont want to live like this anymore, I want my life back, my job, my school, and most importantly my kids. what do i do?