I am a coward.

[WHY?]

I think this relates to anxiety.

Anyway, I'm on a course, where you get to do loads of activities.. Last week on one of them, someone got bullied, and I didn't do anything about it, because I was scared they'd start on me. Today, I've avoided going to the course, because I don't feel comfortable/felt anxious about going with people I didn't enjoy being around. I didn't think I'd enjoy it because of certain people. I now regret it, and I feel like a coward.

Did I do the right thing by avoiding it?

[Enduronman]

There are certain things that aren't "natural" in all people, and that is the ability to be aggressive.

If it isn't there to "grasp" when it's needed or you thought that it was needed, then don't kick yourself around about it, it can't just be "created".

Yes, if you're a passive person, it was right for you as an individual to be yourself and not blame yourself, for not being able to be, someone else...

You did what was right, for you....

There is no right, or wrong answer, because no one else is just like you.

You should answer this question within?

IMHO: If there are people there that presented you with problems, that you're not equipped to handle or deal with regardless of why, then yes, you did the right thing to avoid, evade, elude, and prevent anymore possible abuse that may be directed towards you.

I wish I was there, then the bullies wouldn't be there today. You would be instead.

Make this day a good day, and this was nothing more than just a learning experience, forget about it...

:)

[Enduronman]

NO, you're not a coward. Period. (you're smarter than I am, I'd be in cuffs).....:)

E-Man.

[WHY?]

I can be aggressive, but only towards my family in a argument, ashamedly.

Towards others, that I don't know, a bit of a wimp. I thought I should avoid the course because I didn't think I would like it, with some people there. Now, I don't know if should of gone or not, and feel a bit of a coward. So I guess I'm regretting it.

But yes, I'm not really equipped to deal with bullying or confrontation.

[Laura09Jones]

I know it's easier said than done, but waste no time on regret! You did what you were comfortable with. If you ask yourself if you are comfortable with going to the course and answer no, then there is nothing to regret.

It's always nice to help others, but sometimes it's just not in us. Help when you feel comfortable helping.

[Enduronman]

I'm guessing you're younger, so just mark this down as a learning curve and if you ever face anything like this again, you'll know what to do about it with no regrets friend...

Don't beat yourself up over the actions and behaviors of others, because that's what bullies thrive on..

E-Man.. :)

[artaud]

I think this relates to anxiety....I now regret it, and I feel like a coward....Did I do the right thing by avoiding it?

No, you're not a coward. If I had a dime for every time I was abandoned when I had thought I could rely on the person I was with, I'd be a rich man. And I'm talking at work, we all talk the big talk, few people actually support it with actions, fearing time away from work, unfavorable jobs, unfavorable work turns, etc.

In the animal kingdom, fleeing is normal. Here's a video on YouTube, don't watch it if you're squeamish, the prey was left alone with the lion except for one aggressive Buffalo. The video says everything walked away with no major injuries.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EpnERlsfBFc

The norm, the instinct, is to flee. Don't sweat it. But if bullying goes into significant violence, please do notify the authorities while there is still time to stop it, you can do that in a place remote from the scene.

[WHY?]

Thanks for the kind words guys, but I can't decide if I should have gone or not, it's ripping me apart tbh.

[Cullingford]

Hi I think you should speak to whoever is running this course, its obviously been spoilt for you, the victim of the bullying and maybe others. If I were running this course I would be very disapointed that my efforts were being undermined by a minority and spoiling the course for the majority.

[WHY?]

I know you're trying to make me feel better guys, but lets be honest, I was a coward when I didn't stick up for the poor guy who was getting bullied, I am a wimp. It was done by about 6/7 guys, I know that's a lot of people, but they were about 14/15. I'm 18 and the guy who got bullied is 19.

Today I feel worse for avoiding them.....

[artaud]

I know you're trying to make me feel better guys, but lets be honest, I was a coward when I didn't stick up for the poor guy who was getting bullied....Today I feel worse for avoiding them.....

You did fine. Hindsight is 20/20, we often look back and second guess what we did. Well into my 30's, I saw a high school kid running frantically down the street, with a gang of kids in hot pursuit. The kid being chased was running door to door, banging on the house doors, trying to get someone to help him. With no success, and the gang all but on him, I stopped my car, got out, and had words with the kid most determined to fight the fleeing kid. (It was easy to tell, he actually tore-off his own shirt, figuring he was going to fight).

In response, he ran over to a yard and grabbed a sickle of sorts, on a long handle, returned, and held it elevated, threatening me. Then there arose a chorus of "Cut his F--king head off" from the rest of the gang. I stared him down long enough for the terrified kid to make his get away, calmly got back into the car, and to be melodramatic backed at the thug and braked, not coming close to him, but I also regretted it as a rain of rocks surrounded my car as I pulled somewhat away, luckily none contacting it.

I told a friend about my daring escapades. Unfortunately she had a story, from the same time, of the same circumstances, except her adult friend was beaten horrendously by the gang he became involved with and spent several days in the hospital. Both he and I were in our 30's and 40's. Both were adolescent gangs. I got lucky, he didn't.

If you think someone is in jeopardy, call the cops or other law enforcement (guards, etc) and let them handle it.

You're fine, don't sweat it. If you feel guilty, Pay it Forward, help someone, in a non-confrontational setting, with genuine acts of kindness.

Be well.

[JustAnotherMe]

I really agree with Enduroman and artaud for this one. You're following your instincts in this one. With the number of people you're on about you would not have stood a chance anyway if they had decided to do anything regardless of the age difference. If it really bothers you then look in doing some self defence classes, these will not only teach you to defend yourself but also teach you to be realistic about what you take on.

I have a friend from uni who is a blackbelt in karate, built like a brich sh*t house and he told me that if he was being honest he could take on two guys at once and be guaranteed to win. 3 was going to be stupidly close. 4 was going to be his ass on a platter.

It's not your job to save the world. Do what you can but don't put unrealistic expectations on yourself.

[WHY?]

They didn't hit him, they bullied him, and make him feel like crap, and I didn't do a thing. And now today, even though only a couple of the bullies are there, I didn't want to go, because I didn't think I'd enjoy it because of them. So basically, I've got two things to worry about, I didn't stuck up for someone, and I didn't go today. :(

Im going around in circles, but I'm taking everyones advice on board, I promise, I just keep ruminating if I did the right thing by not going, which is a bad thing to worry about, as I should be more concerned why I didn't stop the bullying.

How can small things become big problems eh?

[artaud]

They didn't hit him, they bullied him, and make him feel like crap, and I didn't do a thing....How can small things become big problems eh?

Small things to big things = Anxiety & Stress

Look, don't worry about it. Would he have come to your aid? I have a guy that I've worked with for 20 years, he threw me under the bus twice in a week, bringing things to the attention of management that would have been better off unsaid. Yet I still talk to him.

I worked as a union safety rep., we had a small explosion in my plant. I went out into the field, saw the site, interviewed the union workers who told me how powerful the explosion was. Come time for the official investigation, doesn't one of the same union workers now say that it was a little pop. He threw me under the bus as well, thankfully the other remained adament and the report said it was a pop/explosion.

It's part of the politics of life. I think they may be making too much about the bully thing as well. Where I work, well over 1000 guys, if you have a weakness, a person or persons assuredly will make fun of you over it. It's incessant, it's not pleasant, but, short of having your own personal cop, it's inevitable. I had glasses, braces, and freckles growing up, I was the butt of every joke and bullying, yet here I am.

Leave it go. Don't sweat it.