Afraid of losing anxiety symptoms?

[newtothis]

So, this is definitely not my first time posting here, and to briefly recap, over the past 5 months or so i've convinced myself i've had a brain tumor, skin cancer, lung cancer, the list goes on. I'm still fighting the brain tumor one, as my vision is still "off." I've been to the optometrist multiple times, he's done multiple exams/tests and he claims nothing is wrong. I've also been to the regular doctor and they've done extensive blood tests, etc. and they same i'm fine. anyway, now pretty much all of my brain tumor symptoms are gone except for the vision (occasional floaters and spots, vision is just "off" sometimes, etc.). But my question is this: has anyone ever been "scared" to get rid of their symptoms? I want nothing more to get over this and get back to a normal life, but last night my vision seemed to be ok (it's almost always fine when i'm finally home from work at night and not at my stressful job) and i thought "hey, my vision is ok. i feel fine. so why can i not accept that i'm fine?" and i've come to realize that i almost get scared or anxious when i don't have any symptoms. almost like i can't believe that the symptoms will just disappear without a diagnosis of a disease and treating it with medication, surgery, etc. anyone else experience this? i'm also scared that when i don't have the symptoms, i can't help but think when they'll come back.

[chanel07]

I understand what you are saying. I can remember convincing myself that something was wrong with my stomach. Everytime I would go to the doctor they would say that I was fine. This drove me crazy because I kept thinking that maybe their wrong or they are misdiagnosing me.

It is going to be hard to convince yourself that you are fine and it takes patience.

[desiderata]

yes definitely! i think one reason could be is that were always on "high alert" and when were calmed down a bit its feels so different to how we normally feel that it causes anxiety in itself! lol...i also feel anxious at the thought of being better...like im to scared to think i am going to get better in case i really am ill. like if i think im better i will be caught of guard or something...very hard to explain.

[chanel07]

yes definitely! i think one reason could be is that were always on "high alert" and when were calmed down a bit its feels so different to how we normally feel that it causes anxiety in itself! lol...i also feel anxious at the thought of being better...like im to scared to think i am going to get better in case i really am ill. like if i think im better i will be caught of guard or something...very hard to explain.

Agreed.

[BlueSkies]

yes definitely! i think one reason could be is that were always on "high alert" and when were calmed down a bit its feels so different to how we normally feel that it causes anxiety in itself! lol...i also feel anxious at the thought of being better...like im to scared to think i am going to get better in case i really am ill. like if i think im better i will be caught of guard or something...very hard to explain.

Exactly what i was going to say.

[RabidBadger]

Hi

It's an interesting point because back in the days when my agoraphobia was at its worst, I used to get scared by the thought of getting better and I even started to question whether I actually wanted to get better.

I likened it in my mind to a similar situation that you hear about sometimes with people in prison. They hate being in there but they become so adapted to that life that they are full of fear when they get their release date.

Best wishes

Chris

[newtothis]

yes i totally agree with all of you! I think it scares me because i feel like if i finally calm down and don't have this anxiety and my symptoms still don't go away, then that means there's something seriously wrong with me. If i still have this anxiety i can blame it on that but if i let go and i still have this weird vision problem...



also, why is it always that we assume the worst?? Like i had weird vision and automatically i thought "brain tumor" Why not something less dangerous like glaucoma or torn retina or something like that?

[sameBoat]

Hi, I think that is interesting because I remember having that thought a while ago too. (fear of losing the anxiety symptoms)

My therapist told me that she thinks it is because i am so used to having them that i have grown to become part of them and feel like they are part of me. Like a friend that i don't want to let go of.

I also wonder if it is because anxiety is a challenge given to some of us as our personal challenge in life to get through. Other people get other challenges and we got anxiety. If we deal with the anxiety and get through it, we don't mind losing the symptoms, but if we just keep waking up every day and creeping around corners wondering if it is still there, we almost go out of our way to find the symptoms again so that we can get on with the day.

Seems wierd but I wonder if that has something to do with it.

It's kind of like thinking: "I am going out of the house now, got my wallet, keys, anxiety disorder...yep, ready to go"

[James44]

Something i think about losing my anxiety problems, and although it can be scary its been a lot better since my last attack. I have not had an anxiety attack in over 4 months now and im feeling great. Not as nearly as much stress as before and just an all around better feeling about myself.

I know im not cured, and thats the other worry i have is that when i get another attack is it going to be worse than before.