Charmander
12-14-2013, 12:02 PM
Some passed information you don't have to read
So my life was pretty normal until around 6th grade. My father was diagnosed with Bi-polar and was on/off his meds a lot. So lots of manic episodes or something until 8th grade when my parents got divorced - pretty much because of it. I'm sure there's lots of other things but thats the most important part.
My first (only) panic attack
(I'm in my 20's now) So prior to my first panic attack a couple of times I would be playing video games and all of a sudden for a minute have trouble breathing. I didn't think much of it. When I was like 3 I think I had a fear of open spaces, I fealt like I would 'fall upwards'. When walking to school through the soccer field recently I would feel that panic feeling that I was going to fall up. Was weird as I'd been fine for most of my life.
So I went and saw the movie 'Silver linnings playbook'. Basically some guy is Bi Polar and it's about this love story and his life I guess. The first time I saw the movie I ended up describing to my GF that the movie felt very real to me. In a bad way. Didn't think much of it though. So my GF likes to see movies more than once, I ended up going a second time. Half way through I felt my heart skip a beat and immediatly the next beat my heart was racing. After a minute of it racing I asked for a friend to feel my heart and to confirm that my heart was going too fast for my liking. So I got up and walked into the hall way. No idea what a panic attack was I'm like 'oh man heart attack'. So I walk into the lobby and sit down. For the next hour I sat there trying to do 'yoga style breathing' (which might of just made me over breathe and worsen the problem). My gf came out and was basically like 'your having a panic attack'. So after an hour of sitting there with my heart racing I began to shake and couldn't feel parts of my body. I said I understood logically that it was probably a panic attack, but I would pay any amount of money to go to the ER just to make it stop.
So the ER gave me a pill which reduced my heart to like still really fast and told me to go home.. great.
After my panic attack
So that was my panic attack. For two months I felt burning in my neck, a burning 'drip' feeling in my heart, lower back pain, stomache pain, discomfort with gas, trouble breathing. I'd pace around the office where I worked with trouble breathing, constant awarness of my heart and it's palpitations. Sometimes I'd feel... a chemical reaction or something in my brain, and my thoughts would drop into a very very dark and sad place. My thoughts scared me as they were so dark. But after around 2 months a lot of the symptoms had gone away.
10 months later
I started taking 1-a-days to hopefully help. Give me magnesium. And my diet is probably not the best. So now I'm left with daily ups and downs of feeling my heart skip beats and not. This and my fear of death. I think about dying a lot more now, realizing it could happen at any moment to anyone. I think to myself the hardest part about me dying is leaving my loved ones with the pain of me gone. I think about making a 'if I die young' "goodbye" message to my loved ones in hopes to ease the pain if I ever suddenly go. As anxiety makes me feel like it's more possible than it probably is.
Now what?
I think I should go see a therapist or physcologist. I don't know the difference. Preferably the one that doesn't label me as insane and make me take meds. When I went to the DR they offered me pills, and I said I wanted to see someone. 10 months later I haven't seen anyone. I think it might be PTSD or something maybe less dramatic. I feel the movie triggered something in me from my passed events. But I think it was also going to happen soon anyway as I did have the few things prior (the trouble breathing for a minute).
I use to pass gas like a normal person, at least when I went to bed I'd let out a few good ones and it felt great. Now I hardly ever fart. I dropped all caffeine the day of my panic attack. That might be why I fart less?? My anxiety spikes up a LOT like 15 minutes before the 'you're going to have to poop soon' feeling in my lower bowels. My heart skips beats and it sucks.
I jump in the shower a lot, and let the water run down my scalp. I read somewhere about your scalp calming you down and I've always loved the feeling of fingers in my hair. I need more ways to calm myself. I've usually been a logical person but no matter how much I prove to myself that it's anxiety and I'm ok it doesn't help.
Advice?
So my life was pretty normal until around 6th grade. My father was diagnosed with Bi-polar and was on/off his meds a lot. So lots of manic episodes or something until 8th grade when my parents got divorced - pretty much because of it. I'm sure there's lots of other things but thats the most important part.
My first (only) panic attack
(I'm in my 20's now) So prior to my first panic attack a couple of times I would be playing video games and all of a sudden for a minute have trouble breathing. I didn't think much of it. When I was like 3 I think I had a fear of open spaces, I fealt like I would 'fall upwards'. When walking to school through the soccer field recently I would feel that panic feeling that I was going to fall up. Was weird as I'd been fine for most of my life.
So I went and saw the movie 'Silver linnings playbook'. Basically some guy is Bi Polar and it's about this love story and his life I guess. The first time I saw the movie I ended up describing to my GF that the movie felt very real to me. In a bad way. Didn't think much of it though. So my GF likes to see movies more than once, I ended up going a second time. Half way through I felt my heart skip a beat and immediatly the next beat my heart was racing. After a minute of it racing I asked for a friend to feel my heart and to confirm that my heart was going too fast for my liking. So I got up and walked into the hall way. No idea what a panic attack was I'm like 'oh man heart attack'. So I walk into the lobby and sit down. For the next hour I sat there trying to do 'yoga style breathing' (which might of just made me over breathe and worsen the problem). My gf came out and was basically like 'your having a panic attack'. So after an hour of sitting there with my heart racing I began to shake and couldn't feel parts of my body. I said I understood logically that it was probably a panic attack, but I would pay any amount of money to go to the ER just to make it stop.
So the ER gave me a pill which reduced my heart to like still really fast and told me to go home.. great.
After my panic attack
So that was my panic attack. For two months I felt burning in my neck, a burning 'drip' feeling in my heart, lower back pain, stomache pain, discomfort with gas, trouble breathing. I'd pace around the office where I worked with trouble breathing, constant awarness of my heart and it's palpitations. Sometimes I'd feel... a chemical reaction or something in my brain, and my thoughts would drop into a very very dark and sad place. My thoughts scared me as they were so dark. But after around 2 months a lot of the symptoms had gone away.
10 months later
I started taking 1-a-days to hopefully help. Give me magnesium. And my diet is probably not the best. So now I'm left with daily ups and downs of feeling my heart skip beats and not. This and my fear of death. I think about dying a lot more now, realizing it could happen at any moment to anyone. I think to myself the hardest part about me dying is leaving my loved ones with the pain of me gone. I think about making a 'if I die young' "goodbye" message to my loved ones in hopes to ease the pain if I ever suddenly go. As anxiety makes me feel like it's more possible than it probably is.
Now what?
I think I should go see a therapist or physcologist. I don't know the difference. Preferably the one that doesn't label me as insane and make me take meds. When I went to the DR they offered me pills, and I said I wanted to see someone. 10 months later I haven't seen anyone. I think it might be PTSD or something maybe less dramatic. I feel the movie triggered something in me from my passed events. But I think it was also going to happen soon anyway as I did have the few things prior (the trouble breathing for a minute).
I use to pass gas like a normal person, at least when I went to bed I'd let out a few good ones and it felt great. Now I hardly ever fart. I dropped all caffeine the day of my panic attack. That might be why I fart less?? My anxiety spikes up a LOT like 15 minutes before the 'you're going to have to poop soon' feeling in my lower bowels. My heart skips beats and it sucks.
I jump in the shower a lot, and let the water run down my scalp. I read somewhere about your scalp calming you down and I've always loved the feeling of fingers in my hair. I need more ways to calm myself. I've usually been a logical person but no matter how much I prove to myself that it's anxiety and I'm ok it doesn't help.
Advice?