I can't do this anymore

[Steph88]

I know I'm being silly and I've tried my best to stop it but I can't. My boyfriend has his office Christmas party this evening and I'm sick with worry. I'm not worrying about him cheating but I'm worried about him getting so drunk that he can't get home or something happens and I've got all the worst case scenarios going on in my head and I can't get rid of them. All I can think of is when he left the house this morning, is this the last time I'm ever going to see him and I can't stop it and I can't stop crying and I constantly feel sick. I don't know what to do, I'm so scared.

[jessed03]

Does your bf know how bad your anxiety is?

You could ask him to text you updates and stuff.

I know it seems a bit needy, but if he knows how bad you get anxiety, I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

[alankay]

Kind of an anticipatory anxiety. Yep, be honest and open and ask him to keep you updated. Not to "keep track" but to keep you calm by knowing he's fine. Alankay

[Steph88]

I've tried explaining it to him but he just doesn't understand. I ask him to keep me updated, maybe just one text so I know he's okay but he always forgets and I get in such a state. I don't know if I should go to the doctor, I don't know if they can help.

[Steven Daws]

Talking to the doctor may help you, they may be able to offer you support so that you have someone you can talk to about it. Sometimes having someone impartial to talk to really helps to put things into perspective. They may also be able to help you with exercises to deal with the anxiety itself.

I hope things improve

[jessed03]

A little inconsiderate of him, seeing as you seem to be suffering so badly. He couldn't call as he's about to come home? Just to give you a quick heads up? Guys will be guys!

If you go to the doctors, they will possibly give you a benzo (Valium, Xanax etc) which you could take in situations like this, that would help calm you down. People use them all the time for short term stresses. Take a small pill, calms you down within 20minutes with no side effects other than maybe a teeny bit of tiredness if you're unlucky.

They could also maybe give you a little therapy/ counselling, as it isnt the healthiest way to be, for yourself and your relationship too, to get terribly stressed over something that is meant to be fun for him, and a normal part of people's social lives.

I know you can't help it though :)

[jessed03]

Did he enjoy his party Steph?

[blueeyedwaters]

I have anticipatory anxiety. More or less we are major worry warts. It sucks. My husband is just now somewhat understanding the fact I really have a true illness. My anxiety is triggered mainly due to vomit. Someone can just say (or post on FB or other online pages) that they are not feeling well or that they/their kid just got sick and my anxiety goes up. It has been horrible since I have kids. Little ones have tummy aches or get grossed out, so my anxiety stays up A LOT. I always expect the worst to happen. I'm always accusing my husband of things from his past. Or I worry every time my kids are not around that something will happen to them that I can't try to help them. I was never a party type person because I just *knew* someone was going to get trashed and throw up. I just refused going to a party last night with my husband because these people have told me about their parties before and they do drink until they get sick. Besides that being childish for almost 30 year olds, that is just not my idea of fun.

[pdub]

Steph, you are exhibiting symptoms of a form of OCD call "pure O." You obsess about very small worries until the become near tragedies in your head. Please get help for this. A great book to read is: Stop Obsessing! by Edna Foa.

[Steph88]

Hi sorry for the late reply. He did enjoy his party and everything went okay. He's going out again tonight to another works thing and I'm panicking again. It's an hour a half away and I'm worried he's going to miss the last tube home. Anyway, I'm definitely going to look into what you've all mentioned, I'm making myself ill and I've been throwing up all day so I've made an appointment with the doctor for monday.

[jessed03]

Definitely a good idea to talk to the doctor. Not the best way to live becoming ill with worry :)

If you're in London shouldn't be the end of the world if he misses the last tube right? Night busses, taxis... My brother runs a bar until 4am, he says it's not too bad getting home even without the tube

Researching those night busses may help? Even though you probably won't need them.

[Steph88]

Yes we do live in London, night buses shouldn't be too bad. I just worry about him when he's drunk but he's being really good about it. He's going to message me a few times during the evening to let me know he's ok and he's got some money on him for a taxi if needed so I'm feeling better than I was earlier!

Thanks for replying, it really does help to talk :)