Change..

[AmberGbenga]

Well hi there friends! :) been doing fabulously lately, besides almost going serial killer on everyone Christmas shopping's ass.. I've been doing so well :) TOUCH WOOD! But now.. I've entered a new issue.. So as many know I'm in a LDR love him to bits, wanna marry this guy blah blah alright.. Now he is based in Hawaii, and I am Australian.. He won't get out of the army for another 2.5 years.. And I'm not wanting to continue this long distance crap.. So we decided on me moving there with him then we get transfered to New York later for the rest of his service... Then we make a home in Australia together.. Last time I was in Hawaii it was AMAZING.. To be with him.. But that was bloody it, everything else sucked some mad ass dick. Anxiety just wouldn't leave me alone!!!' Not only do I have to leave my family whom I'm EXTREMLY close with, live in a country I don't know, rely on one person until I make friends, get a job, travel on buses every damn day, deal woth money i dont know, live without free medical (thats a big one, unless my man and i get married... ahh.... ) but I have to relive that DAMN PLANE TRIP.. UGH!! I'm scared SHITLESS that my anxiety will come back without gloves on.. What's everyone's thoughts...

[Enduronman]

I think yer nuckin futs. :D

[tailspin]

Hey Amber! Great you're doing so well! I can relate to a lot of what you write here. I'm English, married to an American. I was living in London at the time, but travelled frequently to California with work, and that's where I met my husband. We did the LDR thing for a bit, my husband came to London a couple of times, I kept going back to the West Coast. But, as you know, the LDR thing really blows. So we got married really quickly. We went on vacation together to the Maldives and just decided then and there to get married, only we had to go to the nearest country which would perform a marriage that would be legally recognized in the Western world. And that happened to be Sri Lanka. But I digress.

The point is, I then moved to California permanently and, honestly, I completely under-estimated the magnitude of this life change!! Don't get me wrong, I totally wanted to move here, there was no pressure at all from my husband, it just seemed like the natural thing to do, and my husband and I have been married now for almost 14 years and I love him to bits. But, wow, moving to a different country, leaving family, and friends, and, in my case, my job, which was a huge part of my life, behind. That is not something to be taken lightly. (Even though I did take it lightly!)

So, definitely, you are right to think about this ahead of time! I didn't and in retrospect I can see that making such an abrupt life change definitely triggered my anxiety disorder to reach a whole new level.

However, it sounds in your case as though you and your future hubby are intending to settle permanently in Australia. So that is different. Because you will only be living in Hawaii and/or New York for a couple of years or so. I think that is definitely much more doable. Plus, you might absolutely love living there! And if you don't, then you'll know you are going to be moving back to your friends and family in a relatively short time.

I would definitely talk more about all this with your family and future hubby, but if you really love this guy, then I think you can do it, Amber!

[AmberGbenga]

Hahaha we have already established I have a few screws loose hahah

[AmberGbenga]

I really do love him, it was a list at first site.. I knew I'd end up with him.. Hardest thing to explain but I just knew and know! I plan on saving money for a plane ticket home incase I need too.. But I mean.. I have him he is so supportive and really it's my choice.. It will be a ln experience and I will have lived my life instead of thinking what if? I hate being away from him.. But I've never really left my family.. I think ill do alot better since durin my time in Hawaii last time the anxiety thig was EXTREMLY new to me.. I didn't know what to do or anything I just knew it was anxiety and flipped.. But all my family support me and think I should go for it and my man, well.. He is all for it and he is doing everything he can to ease my mind and make the transition as easy and stress free for me as possible.. Since we can't live together without being married (army thing) he is going to 'live with me' 6 days a week then stay at the barracks one night a week.. So that will be okay.. But he wants to be married at least before he finishes his service.. Which I'm fine with :)

[Enduronman]

it was a list at first site.. :)

Well if it was lust at first site, then I say go for it bongomangina!

You know i'm just kidding...

Yes, You can do this!

Your Nutjob friend stuck in a snow drift...(s**t!)

E-Man. :)

[tailspin]

I really do love him, it was a list at first site.. I knew I'd end up with him.. Hardest thing to explain but I just knew and know! I plan on saving money for a plane ticket home incase I need too.. But I mean.. I have him he is so supportive and really it's my choice.. It will be a ln experience and I will have lived my life instead of thinking what if? I hate being away from him.. But I've never really left my family.. I think ill do alot better since durin my time in Hawaii last time the anxiety thig was EXTREMLY new to me.. I didn't know what to do or anything I just knew it was anxiety and flipped.. But all my family support me and think I should go for it and my man, well.. He is all for it and he is doing everything he can to ease my mind and make the transition as easy and stress free for me as possible.. Since we can't live together without being married (army thing) he is going to 'live with me' 6 days a week then stay at the barracks one night a week.. So that will be okay.. But he wants to be married at least before he finishes his service.. Which I'm fine with :)

That's wonderful, Amber! Also, your family can come and visit you!!! I mean, everyone needs to go to Hawaii at least once in their life time, right?!! :) I'm sure it won't be hard for your fam to come over and stay!

The one other thing I would look into ahead of time though is health insurance. I don't know how it works in the army over here, but hopefully all army people and their spouses automatically get health insurance? I really hope they do! Because that is important if you're taking an anti-depressant and need to continue with that. So, definitely, I would recommend finding out before you move here whether you'll have some health insurance. Because that is a big deal here (I think Australia is more like England, where health care is free at the point of service?? It's very different here in the States.....)

[AmberGbenga]

Yer.. Unfortunently I won't get any cover because we arnt married. If we were than I'd get full cover. So.. Yer haha but my mum said she will post my anti depressants over.. So that's something!!

[tailspin]

Yer.. Unfortunently I won't get any cover because we arnt married. If we were than I'd get full cover. So.. Yer haha but my mum said she will post my anti depressants over.. So that's something!!

That'll work!! And great to know you'll get full cover once you're married. Do you have a date in mind already for the wedding? When are you planning on going back to Hawaii?

Exciting stuff!!!

[AmberGbenga]

We arnt even engaged officially yet haha but I mean.. We might as well be haha I think he is just waiting to have the money for a ring.. He is hopefully coming here next week!! Still don't know.. It needs to be approved by the army.. -.- but I like to be there before June next year so I have time to save up, find work, apply for a work visa and get myself as mentally and Physically healthy as possible!! Haha

[tailspin]

We arnt even engaged officially yet haha but I mean.. We might as well be haha I think he is just waiting to have the money for a ring.. He is hopefully coming here next week!! Still don't know.. It needs to be approved by the army.. -.- but I like to be there before June next year so I have time to save up, find work, apply for a work visa and get myself as mentally and Physically healthy as possible!! Haha

LOL! Well, getting engaged and then married definitely sounds like a good plan (especially re the health insurance!!) :)

Really hope your man is able to come visit next week!!! Ah, that intoxicating feeling of being in love!!!! I remember it well!!!

PS: Talking of being in love, it's always made me feel invincible. It's only when the "honeymoon period" wears off that the old problems tend to start re-surfacing for me. That's what happened to me in a way regarding moving here to the States. I did it all in a kind of heady whirlwind. Everything was amazing for months. But then, gradually, reality kind of started to set in. And I came back down to earth with a bit of a bump.

That's why I think it's really good that you are thinking about all this ahead of time. Honestly, your head seems screwed on really well and I think you will do just great, Amber!!

[AmberGbenga]

I would quite say we are in or out if the honeymoon period.. Happy medium I'd say. I've grown more and more in love with him, I'm more in the honeymoon period now than I was at the start of the relationship!! All my doubts and worries at the beginning have subsided.. I'm conpleltly happy! He was the same at first we both had so much doubt and worry from past relationships.. Distance.. We both have PTSD so it was all pretty doubtful.. But.. We just couldn't part.. And now we have both said we are stuck together haha it's us against the world..

I'm not naive.. I know that the grass isn't greener, that there is alot of complications in life and relationships.. You could say I've been around the bush a few times.. I'm only 21 and have my whole life ahead of my, but already I've lived so much, I had my traumatized years, the party years, the finding myself in which in still doing, been cheated on, beaten, mentally run down.. I've had good guys whom just can't deal with my personality and my disorders and I've had bad guys that were toxic to my well being.. I know what I want in a best friend.. My life partner.. And I've def found that.. He brings the best out in me and knows me very well.. We support eachother and have good understanding of eachother and our thought process.. With mental illness in my family and his broken homes, him with his trauma and life experiences and me with mine.. There is no doubt we have come into this relationship realistic and enthusiastic with an open mind of what could happen positive and negative.. And the unfairness of life in general and our circumstances, his job Dosent give him much leeway, and leaves him exhausted.. My life in general exhausts me at times.. No problem is too big or too small.. We get through it together and I'm Absolutly blessed to have found this man