This may sound dumb..

[Slammed Vdub]

But anyways my anxiety has been pretty much gone for a while now. However, some symptoms and depression have set in yesterday. Yesterday one of my favorite actors and influences died, Paul Walker. (yes yes i know...) He originally got me into the car enthusiast world almost 14 years ago.The thing i don't understand is, why is this affecting me so much? I never met him in person, and i normally dont get this sensitive when an actor dies. I feel like my OCD is coming back and making me think about this and just making me more and more sad. Sounds dumb, but i have no idea why i am this sensitive. I cant stop thinking about it.

[jessed03]

Theres a difference between anxiety being gone, and anxiety being healed. I mean, it's too early for you to be healed. Whether that will ever come, who knows? Same for me too, I feel good, but complete removal of symptoms in virtually ALL circumstances, who knows, man?

Basically all of that shit, all of those problem, they just stay under the surface. They come out again, usually in instances of stress, or anxiety or whatever. Stress or anxiety usually bring out most OCD symptoms to a degree, depending on what your threshold is. I've noticed it a lot in the past. Anything can set this off by the way, even anxiety from a food intolerance, or too much coca cola or anything random like that.

So yeah, think of it like dirty water. When you do well in your battle against anxiety, things become calmer, the dirt settles, the water becomes clearer, things look pretty good. But the dirt isn't gone, it's just settled. When you put your hand in, and shake it all around, it becomes dirty again, just like it was before.

Stress/anxiety are basically that hand that goes into the water stirring up all the dirt, which in this example, would be some of your old symptoms.

The shock of someone dying is always pretty big. I know in our minds we kinda say ah it's silly, or whatever, especially when it's someone famous, it's always a tad embarrassing to get emotional... but death is a huge deal, especially when it's a cool, good looking dude that was someone you admired.

I think it's pretty natural what's happening. I've been there myself. For me actually a few years back, when Heath ledger died, I actually had similar symptoms. That was when my anxiety was quite a bit higher than it is now. I was a big fan of his. Left me feeling off, and my thoughts were kinda darkish for about a week, before it all settled.

So yeah man, don't sweat feeling this way. It's nothing bad. Some shock has unsettled a few things. Caused a little of that obsessive, depressive stuff to reappear. It should settle back down pretty shortly.

The young, rich and good looking just aren't meant to die man :-/

[Slammed Vdub]

I was doing alright until i watched the movie again that came out today. Also me looking at his thread on vortex doesnt help. (last pictures in the car smiling before accident, and details on the accident.) I know i shouldnt be looking at this stuff since it makes it worse, but i cant shake it. It just brings me and and makes me depressed, which is silly because i never knew him. He was just the person that got me into cars and was a huge deal for my era since i could relate everything to him.