Anxiety and sex

[stylist23]

I haven't been diagnosed (I have an appointment 12/30). However I know I have some sort of anxiety disorder. And it's preventing me from enjoying sex/ my partner enjoying sex with me). I am female btw. We have had sex 3 times now and I he was my first. I have anxiety in my normal daily life that I am used to I know how it goes however this is new to me. Every time we have sex I have a panic attack. I lose the feeling in my arms. I feel like I can't breathe and almost like my ears are permanently popped for awhile. I've tried relaxing and he's really patient with me. Why is this happening. And what can I do? And advice is really appreciated.

[anxious aussie]

This is really interesting to me! You're the first person I've come across that has said this and I get a similar thing. I wasn't sure it was a panic attack or what. I always enjoy sex however sometimes during, I find myself over thinking things and I get the feeling of not being able to feel my arms/hands and chest tightness and ringing in my ears. I can still normally enjoy it but usually it's very overwhelming and strange. I'm not sure why

[littleone123]

I haven't been diagnosed (I have an appointment 12/30). However I know I have some sort of anxiety disorder. And it's preventing me from enjoying sex/ my partner enjoying sex with me). I am female btw. We have had sex 3 times now and I he was my first. I have anxiety in my normal daily life that I am used to I know how it goes however this is new to me. Every time we have sex I have a panic attack. I lose the feeling in my arms. I feel like I can't breathe and almost like my ears are permanently popped for awhile. I've tried relaxing and he's really patient with me. Why is this happening. And what can I do? And advice is really appreciated.

Did this happen the first time u had sex?

[trinidiva]

It could be caused due to a rush in adrenaline. .....or are you still kind of nervous about the experience since it is kind of new to you?

[stylist23]

It did happen the first time. Ever since my first time I my daily anxiety issues have increases. And as weird as it sounds I've become more paranoid and nervous about everything. I've being a hairstylist for 3 years and I never get nervous with clients and suddenly I am. Driving makes me nervous but now it's like I literally don't want to anymore cuz I feel like I'm going to get into an accident. Idk I've felt like this before but I'm used to trying to push it aside because I'm just being dramatic. But now I can't. Idk what to do. It's affecting how I act with my boyfriend too. He keeps thinking I'm distant and mad at him. I feel bad and I'm trying to explain but it's hard to get it out.

[tailspin]

Hi stylist, Could it have something to do with the position you're in? When the guy is on top, I can see how that could feel claustrophobic (and so possibly generate feelings of panic) for the woman in certain situations. Just because you (the woman) is literally pinned down when the guy is on top. So perhaps you could talk to your partner about trying a different position, where you are more in control? It sounds like you have a really nice BF, so I'm sure you'll be able to work something out and start enjoying this! Also, as trinidiva says above, this is all still very new to you, so that could well be playing into it too.

Good luck! And best of luck at your doctor's appointment too. Let us know how it's all going.

[stylist23]

Thank you. We did try different positions but I tense up so much we can only do missionary otherwise we can't even get it in. I try so hard to relax but then of course I'm thinking so much it makes things worse. And he's so great. He will wait with me and try to get me to calm down he rubs my back and brushes my hair. I found a winner that's for sure. Thanks for the advice everyone.

[Dahila]

First of all you need to talk to your bf about your anxiety. You probably taking out of his enjoyment too. It is extremely difficult, and it was difficult for me, of course years ago. Suffering with anxiety we tend to have a very verrrry low self esteem. When we let the though that we are not good enough, it is done .... The more you relax then more you tense up. I would think maybe he does not spend enough time before , oh you said he did. What about some different places or circumstances. The problem is you are to self conscious. Honest talk with your partner can do a lot. You could be surprised. Most men are sensitive and good human beings:)

[stylist23]

Thanks dahila I def want to talk more with him and possibly hold off awhile. Cuz it isn't fair to him and you're right. Once I can relax more and hopefully after seeing my doctor they can shed some light to make this easier for is both.

[tailspin]

Hi stylist. Have you tried having a glass of wine? I definitely don't mean getting legless! But maybe you and your BF could buy a nice bottle of wine and just share a glass together, perhaps over a nice meal at home, and see if that doesn't help relax you a bit? (Again, I' definitely don't mean getting drunk!)

(PS: It just occurred to me though that I don't know how old you are and so perhaps alcohol is not appropriate (or legal!!) Sorry if that's the case.)

[Dahila]

Just imagine, a bottle of Champagne , french one, white and yellow candles everywhere, you dressed in sexy black dress with wide cut on the side.......:) I want to be young again:)

[tailspin]

Just imagine, a bottle of Champagne , french one, white and yellow candles everywhere, you dressed in sexy black dress with wide cut on the side.......:) I want to be young again:)

LOL! I want to be young again too, Dahlia!! :)

[stylist23]

I will be 23 on Friday so wine sounds like a good idea. I think we should wait a little bit before we try again though. I have been non stop thinking and worrying about the next time we have sex. It's taking over my mins and has been bringing me down actually. So I'll have a good talk with him and explain how I'm feeling. And then when I feel like I'm ready I'll have a glass of wine and try to relax and really try to not think so much.

[tailspin]

I will be 23 on Friday so wine sounds like a good idea. I think we should wait a little bit before we try again though. I have been non stop thinking and worrying about the next time we have sex. It's taking over my mins and has been bringing me down actually. So I'll have a good talk with him and explain how I'm feeling. And then when I feel like I'm ready I'll have a glass of wine and try to relax and really try to not think so much.

That sounds like a really good plan, stylist. Especially the bit about waiting a little while so that you can give yourself a chance to stop ruminating about it all.

Wishing you the best!

[Shaun]

I used to get shakes real bad just before like as if I was freezing then panic set in I was like omg no please don't go this to me

[stylist23]

I used to get shakes real bad just before like as if I was freezing then panic set in I was like omg no please don't go this to me

I feel like this when my boyfriend and I are making out. Because I'm like dreading it leading to sex. I mean don't get me wrong. I'm the one who keeps suggesting we have sex he's not pressuring me. But even though I'm relaxed when we make out and fully turned on. I tense up when I think about having sex. Like usually my arm will start twitching first.

[AmberGbenga]

I get this too, only recently though.. I had a panic attack during foreplay then an asthma attack during sex.. He was supportive but after he'd make light of it and say he pleasures me into a panic attack and fucked me into an asthma attack at first I was like.. Your an ass but really it was pretty funny. It gets easier, try relax don't think too much concentrate of every little thing, his touch, the way he kisses you, the way he feels etc.. That will distract you and turn you on. WIN WIN!

[AmberGbenga]

Oh and I'm lucky because my partner also suffers from PTSD and anxiety.. So he gets it. We support eachother, I'm lucky.. Very lucky at times but others it's hard because him having a panic attack can set me off.. Which is a bad situation haha

[stylist23]

Here's my update. Finally went in for my appt. my doctor prescribed fluoxetine to see if that will help. I'm nervous about being on medication but I guess I won't know until I try. I just started taking it yesterday so I know it takes awhile to start working. Before my appt my bf and I have tried several things to try to get my to relax and somehow I still end up freaking out. It's so annoying but he's really patient with me. I feel so bad because he can't be having that great a time. I mean he's so concerned about me and says everything's fine I just feel so bad. I wish I could just be normal.

[Enduronman]

Fluoxetine is AWESOME!!!

Give it about 2 weeks to see how you feel,...:)

[stylist23]

I am excited to hopefully have some relief. I'm just worried about the "decreased libido" side effect. I really hope that doesn't happen. Last thing we need right?

[Shy_1]

Here's my update. Finally went in for my appt. my doctor prescribed fluoxetine to see if that will help. I'm nervous about being on medication but I guess I won't know until I try. I just started taking it yesterday so I know it takes awhile to start working. Before my appt my bf and I have tried several things to try to get my to relax and somehow I still end up freaking out. It's so annoying but he's really patient with me. I feel so bad because he can't be having that great a time. I mean he's so concerned about me and says everything's fine I just feel so bad. I wish I could just be normal.

Things will be fine, the meds will settle in. No doubt it's difficult for him, he's a guy! But he seems very understanding and caring so don't blame yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

[Enduronman]

I am excited to hopefully have some relief. I'm just worried about the "decreased libido" side effect. I really hope that doesn't happen. Last thing we need right?

Get some L-Arginine...it works for women too...

[Shy_1]

Get some L-Arginine...it works for women too...

Yup, increases blood flow. Worth a shot. Good shout Enduronman....dropping some K-bombs (knowledge bombs)

[Enduronman]

Yes!!!... and it doesn't cost $367.82 a month either...LOL! :)

[Shy_1]

Yes!!!... and it doesn't cost $367.82 a month either...LOL! :)

Wow! Such a precise amount! What supplements are they ;) haha is that why your ENDUROnman? #IJoke

[Enduronman]

LMAO!!! bahaaaaha!!! :D

[Shy_1]

Sorry Stylist, I don't want you to feel like I'm making a joke of your situation, because I'm of course not :)

I'm just bantering around a little...laughter the medicine for everything!

[stylist23]

No worries. I have a great sense of humor. :)

[Enduronman]

Yay!!! :D

[Dahila]

i think it is fantastic, thank you Eman, it also helps for recurring pain in legs, so maybe i should get it? I had never heard about it. Eman you better than google, the answer comes as fast as on google with addition of personal charm. Thanks ;)\

[Ashlee13x]

I get this too... I am never in the mood for sex!! I'm always way tooo tired and my boyfriend gets really annoyed sometimes. When i'm actually having sex, I do enjoy it, its just the effort of actually having sex that i cant be asked with!!

[Enduronman]

i think it is fantastic, thank you Eman, it also helps for recurring pain in legs, so maybe i should get it? I had never heard about it. Eman you better than google, the answer comes as fast as on google with addition of personal charm. Thanks ;)\

Yes, it is even more helpful to me than the Lyrica for this damn neck pains, and it also lowers blood pressure, but raises blood flow...I studied ALOT of stuff when I was a meathead Iron lifter.....I wanted to know how to get stronger, quicker, faster, and feel better in the process because intentionally causing pain, doesn't really make sense but it's addictive!! YAY!!

[Dahila]

I am going to stuff my man with it:)) and for the pain... hm I need to try it. I wonder if we can get it in Canada.

[Enduronman]

Yes,..it's just an (amino acid) so there shouldn't be any Laws against its production and sale. It does work for pain, I will tell you that. And other things too!! :)

[NixonRulz]

I really don't have anything to add to this thread but I admit I do like the title of the thread.

Therefore this post is being made to be put back in the forefront of the "Current" tab.

Please continue talking about sex. I mean anxiety. Or both.

[jessed03]

You can thank Kings of Leon for this fear.

Sex is on fire?

That's not possible. Have sex freely. You won't catch light.

[Dahila]

I am a veteran of anxiety war, and nothing helps better than sex, listen to grandma. People in good healthy relationship deal better with stress and anxiety, not doubts here. Youngsters, no you did not invent the sex it was long before you, so were drugs, and games not computer games but a thousand of games. :rolleyes::rolleyes: I am teasing you, :))

[MiST]

Would rather play video games than have sex right now. At least If it ain't going well you can just load the last checkpoint!

[Dahila]

Would rather play video games than have sex right now. At least If it ain't going well you can just load the last checkpoint! So would I instead of getting my *** to work