I'm in love

[udinesio]

Hey guys,

I was living in Warsaw and I had to come to Dublin because of immigration problems. I intend to come back to Warsaw, but this time I'd solve my visa stuff first. I really like Dublin and I'm not sure where I'd like to settle: Dublin or Warsaw. The whole problem is that sometime ago I met a girl in Warsaw and I got a crush on her a few hours later. It's evolving to a point it's now love.

Another problem is that she has a boyfriend for 7 years. It seems he was her first boyfriend and both even lived in the US together for 2 years. However, he's the kind of buy a lot of people don't like. He admitted to me he cheats on her and it seems he's not always there for her. I do have experience on "brainwashing" people. I think I could use that to get her.

Another issue is that I'm almost out of money. I'm looking for work but all I could find was a permanent job. The employer is willing to sponsor my visa, but I'd be tied to him for a year. I'm pretty much lost. This job would give me financial stability, but I will lose the girl if I take it. What should I do?

[Lee Grant Irons]

udinesio,

No one can really tell you what to do. However, I would suggest that your path forward might be found in some things you need to accept that you can't change. I think you should also acknowledge that this does not necessarily settle it. There might be opportunity in the future for you to get back to Warsaw and connect with the girl again. Maybe she will have moved on from the guy by then.

[udinesio]

udinesio,

No one can really tell you what to do. However, I would suggest that your path forward might be found in some things you need to accept that you can't change. I think you should also acknowledge that this does not necessarily settle it. There might be opportunity in the future for you to get back to Warsaw and connect with the girl again. Maybe she will have moved on from the guy by then.

I can go back to Warsaw in February. That's why I don't know if I should take the job or not.

[Lee Grant Irons]

It looks like you are stuck in circular thinking on this set of problems. One feeds into the next until you eventually come full circle with no resolution. You have to do something to break the circle. Try untangling the problems and treating them separately.
1. I have immigration problems I need to resolve.
2. I'm running out of money that would enable me to stay in Ireland.
3. I do not yet have the relationship I want with the girl.

Notice that for problem three, I did not identify the problem as "not currently living in Warsaw." The problem is the reason why you would want to be in Warsaw, the girl.

Next, write down the goals/outcomes you desire for these problems.
1. Solve the immigration problems.
2. Find a way to earn money in Ireland.
3. Become the boyfriend of the girl.

Now some things you have to accept that you can't change
1. Without a visa, I can't stay in Ireland
2. Without money, I can't stay in Ireland
3. The girl is going to make her own decision as to who she wants to be with.

Now some things you need to acknowledge:
1. I have a job offer that would give me a one year visa.
2. I have a job offer that would give me income.
3. Brainwashing the girl might work, but it would not be an honest thing to do that would establish a solid relationship. Problems 1 and 2 might have to be resolved before I can resolve problem 3. For problems 1 and 2 should be the current priority. Then, I can try to figure out a strategy for problem 3.

The above is the way I see it based upon my very limited knowledge of the details of your life. You might see some things differently or have some different ideas, so you should adjust the above based upon your own thoughts. Doing this might help you see your path forward more clearly.

[Dahila]

Oh man you need to leave a girl alone, obviously she has a boyfriend. In Poland you do not try to get someone who is in relationship. It is not honorable. I am not there for the last 20 years but it did not change. Get the visa and start to work. Get a base then you think about relationships. I bet someone nice comes to your way:) Good luck

[udinesio]

Oh man you need to leave a girl alone, obviously she has a boyfriend. In Poland you do not try to get someone who is in relationship. It is not honorable. I am not there for the last 20 years but it did not change. Get the visa and start to work. Get a base then you think about relationships. I bet someone nice comes to your way:) Good luck

Dude, the problem is that I'm in love with HER. It's with nobody else, but her. It's complicated, I know :(

By brainwashing I mean conquering her. I'm not gonna brainwash her like Hitler did. Instead I want to make her love me. Give her something she doesn't have.

[Lee Grant Irons]

By brainwashing I mean conquering her. I'm not gonna brainwash her like Hitler did. Instead I want to make her love me. Give her something she doesn't have.

But what do you think of Accept #3: "The girl is going to make her own decision as to who she wants to be with." If you do not accept this up front, I'm afraid that your attempts at achieving the goal of becoming the girl's boyfriend could drive you to do some pretty crazy things that could cause you pretty serious damage. This is what I call "insanity." If you do believe Accept #3 to be correct, then you will be able to think more clearly and do things that might have a better chance of winning the girl over, including how you coordinate achieving this goal with your other two goals. Perspective makes a big difference.

[Dahila]

Lee Grant I love your advice to the brainwasher deeply in Love :)