worriedwell1980
01-13-2008, 11:07 AM
ok, this post will probably be a bit long, but please bear with me. I really need someone to help me figure out what the root cause is to my worries.
Anyway, I will start off at the beginning. On Feb. 4, 5 2007 I had 2 HIV test done and they were negative, I tested again on March 5 and March 26 of 2007 and they were negative as well. At that time, I was at my 3 month mark and officially clear of any risk for HIV. I was ecstatic, I celebrated, everything was fine and back to normal. I went on with life. Anyway, I did not engage in any more sex at all last year. On November 5 2007, I went back to the clinic and was tested again and the result was negative. But on that day, I was so happy, I had the clinic tech scan an image of my test device, the HIV rapid test device and e mail it to my home. She told me I was negative and done for good and I went home. After getting home, I got online and looked at the photo, it looked a bit different than it did in the office, but was still a negative, only the little line at the C control area was not centered as much at the triangle as I thought it was at the clinic, but it was still only 1 line and with the Oraquick HIV rapid tests, 1 line is negative and 2 lines is positive, mine only had 1 line at the C and that is good.... I was a bit worried, so I called the clinic back and asked them questions. They told me over and over I was negative, that the test was negative and I did nt need anymore testing. The clinic supervisor was on the phone and he screamed at me over and over, that I was negative. Anyway, me the worrier that I am, I went back to the clinic and tested again the next day. The result was negative again and the clinic tech wasn't even gonna write out a card noting a negative result and sign it, because she saw no need in doing it because I was just tested the day before. Anyway, as I asked for a signed card with the result NEG on it, she did fill it out.. I was talking to her about why I was back there testing again, telling her that I was alarmed at why the little line at the C control area wasn't centered up and telling her again why I was back testing. She told me I was NEGATIVE again and was finished, but she made some kind of a remark and it went something like this "thats why I was concerned." At the time, I didn't think much about it and was just happy to have my Negative result. But later on, after I left, the fear set in and I could not figure out what she said. Anyway, I called back at the clinic time after time that week just to hear her say YOU ARE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE..Anyway, that Friday, I went back to the clinic and tested again, with a different clinic tech, and the result was negative once again. I was told that I was finished testing and no more was needed.. Anyway, the fear is still here... I have called them repeatedly and they have told me over and over I am negative, I even went back to the clinic to talk to them and we all had a joyous occasion, they all hugged me and told me that I was done, it was over...told me to stay safe and no more testing was needed.. Anyway, All of this was back in November. I have since called the clinic tech back several times asking her about the statement I thought I heard her make, and she has stated that she was not concerned then nor was she concerned now...and that she never said anything about being concerned. I called the clinic supervisor back and he told me NO NO NO no one was ever concerned about any of the tests, that there was no way that I had anything to worry about because it had been 11 months since my last risky sex. Anyway, my mother called the clinic tech back last week and wanted to thank her and also asked her if there were any concerns and the clinic tech replied, NO, all of this tests were accurate and fine.. Mother thanked her and they said goodbye.
Anyway, to finish this post, why in the world can I not get over this. WHat is at the root cause of all of my continued worry about this? It islike I am still scared about soomething. I know I had 8 HIV tests last year and all of them are negative. It is like I am still frozen on that day and the photo iimage of the test device and what the clinic tech said when we were just talking about my worries... she made some kind of remark like "thats why I was concerned".. Anyway, I can not seem to let this go.. Everyone has told me over and over I am negative. For the love of God, can someone on this forum tell me what is at the root of all of this. I would greatly appreciate it. It is kind of like I think something went wrong and the entire situation did not go off perfect or something.. please help!! Thanks
Anyway, I will start off at the beginning. On Feb. 4, 5 2007 I had 2 HIV test done and they were negative, I tested again on March 5 and March 26 of 2007 and they were negative as well. At that time, I was at my 3 month mark and officially clear of any risk for HIV. I was ecstatic, I celebrated, everything was fine and back to normal. I went on with life. Anyway, I did not engage in any more sex at all last year. On November 5 2007, I went back to the clinic and was tested again and the result was negative. But on that day, I was so happy, I had the clinic tech scan an image of my test device, the HIV rapid test device and e mail it to my home. She told me I was negative and done for good and I went home. After getting home, I got online and looked at the photo, it looked a bit different than it did in the office, but was still a negative, only the little line at the C control area was not centered as much at the triangle as I thought it was at the clinic, but it was still only 1 line and with the Oraquick HIV rapid tests, 1 line is negative and 2 lines is positive, mine only had 1 line at the C and that is good.... I was a bit worried, so I called the clinic back and asked them questions. They told me over and over I was negative, that the test was negative and I did nt need anymore testing. The clinic supervisor was on the phone and he screamed at me over and over, that I was negative. Anyway, me the worrier that I am, I went back to the clinic and tested again the next day. The result was negative again and the clinic tech wasn't even gonna write out a card noting a negative result and sign it, because she saw no need in doing it because I was just tested the day before. Anyway, as I asked for a signed card with the result NEG on it, she did fill it out.. I was talking to her about why I was back there testing again, telling her that I was alarmed at why the little line at the C control area wasn't centered up and telling her again why I was back testing. She told me I was NEGATIVE again and was finished, but she made some kind of a remark and it went something like this "thats why I was concerned." At the time, I didn't think much about it and was just happy to have my Negative result. But later on, after I left, the fear set in and I could not figure out what she said. Anyway, I called back at the clinic time after time that week just to hear her say YOU ARE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE NEGATIVE..Anyway, that Friday, I went back to the clinic and tested again, with a different clinic tech, and the result was negative once again. I was told that I was finished testing and no more was needed.. Anyway, the fear is still here... I have called them repeatedly and they have told me over and over I am negative, I even went back to the clinic to talk to them and we all had a joyous occasion, they all hugged me and told me that I was done, it was over...told me to stay safe and no more testing was needed.. Anyway, All of this was back in November. I have since called the clinic tech back several times asking her about the statement I thought I heard her make, and she has stated that she was not concerned then nor was she concerned now...and that she never said anything about being concerned. I called the clinic supervisor back and he told me NO NO NO no one was ever concerned about any of the tests, that there was no way that I had anything to worry about because it had been 11 months since my last risky sex. Anyway, my mother called the clinic tech back last week and wanted to thank her and also asked her if there were any concerns and the clinic tech replied, NO, all of this tests were accurate and fine.. Mother thanked her and they said goodbye.
Anyway, to finish this post, why in the world can I not get over this. WHat is at the root cause of all of my continued worry about this? It islike I am still scared about soomething. I know I had 8 HIV tests last year and all of them are negative. It is like I am still frozen on that day and the photo iimage of the test device and what the clinic tech said when we were just talking about my worries... she made some kind of remark like "thats why I was concerned".. Anyway, I can not seem to let this go.. Everyone has told me over and over I am negative. For the love of God, can someone on this forum tell me what is at the root of all of this. I would greatly appreciate it. It is kind of like I think something went wrong and the entire situation did not go off perfect or something.. please help!! Thanks