Anxiety and wishing you were dead

[mike98t]

does anyone else's anxiety get so bad that they wish you were dead? Been suffering for 13 years pretty bad and it's getting worse. Sometimes I think death would be easier!

[ldts3012]

Yes there were times when I had the same thought. But don't give up or despair! It can get better - you have to work at it but it can get better. Are you getting therapy, meditating, participating in activities you enjoy, reading self help materials or doing any other helpful exercises/activities?

[mike98t]

I am on Celexa and Xanax for it but it doesn't seem to be working very much yet.(except to make me sick to stomach). As far as hobbies I really don't have anything I do for fun anymore, things I used to do just don't seem like fun anymore. Thanks for the reply

[embrace123]

I have that feeling somedays and some I don't I'm just do tired of suffering with this thinking I have heart disease. I've been like this for 2months

[mike98t]

That's also one of my main anxiety issues! Heart related issues terrify me. Sorry you've been having a rough patch

[embrace123]

And searching the net has made it worse. Do you have have the chest pressure?

[mike98t]

Yeah the web is dangerous to is anxiety sufferers lol. Yes all the time pressure and pain all tests say heart is fine, but in my head I know it's not. I've had 3 friends die of heart attack within last 6 months. All under 40

[ldts3012]

Mike, if you just started taking the meds, it may take a few weeks for them to really start working - I know it's hard to be patient but hang in there! I went thru the same thing. As for activities, maybe you can set one small goal per day or per week to do something enjoyable or constructive, even if it's for just an hour or two. Might help you feel better.

[mike98t]

Thanks for the tips. I do really have to start setting small goals. I used to do it and it did work

[mike98t]

Thanks for the tips. I do really need to start that. I used to set small goals and it did help!

[embrace123]

Omg that's scary!!! I've had 6ekg 2chest xray blood work, had 3 EKG in 2011, and 3 this year . My dr said if it was a bad heart problem by now something would show. What do you think? What test have you had done?

[mike98t]

I've had all that done plus ultrasounds of heart and cat scans done with dye. Nothing shows up. In my head I know it's all anxiety but that doesn't really help to calm my fears. I've been like this since my mid 20's so if I did really have a problem it prob would have showed by now. (39). I was reading your symptoms and they are very similar to mine. Have you tried taking omperiziole or Zantac? I've heard a lot of heart anxiety can actually be acid reflux. In my opinion that sounds like what you have esp. Since it happen a lot when you lie down

[embrace123]

No I haven't, I was thinking maybe it was gallbladder idk I'm so scared it's heart related and I don't have insurance to just hop and go to a Cardio dr. I've been dealing with this for a month. But even the time I went to the dr and had the chest pressure and she did the EKG nothing showed. Are EKG really that good,?

[embrace123]

And has the heart symptoms ever got bad when you lay on your left side?

[mike98t]

If you were actively having pains when it was done or had damage to heart from previous pain it would show. Since I've started with omperiziole I have noticed a huge difference in my chest pain and pressure. Is this the first time you've had Anxiety in your life? And are there any other things that trigger anxiety for you?

[mike98t]

Yes and that is the side I lay on. Lol. Do you have nausea? And gallbladder pain at least for me befor I had it taken out was below rib age on the right side only

[embrace123]

Ok let me explain everything lol. Dec 6th 2011 I had my 1st panic attack and I swear I was having a heart attack. Ok went home and was depressed for a month . Come feb Whitney Houston died and I was a big fan so it seems like that made me stressed. After I got over that instated feeling better around April of 2012. Up until nov 2012. I started having anxiety breathing problems for almost that hole month. Once jan 2013 came I started feeling better again and felt better until last month. Let me explain that. Lol I was at a party an got really drunk lol and the best morning I had a hang over and wasn't feeling right. So that made me have a bad panic attack, 3days late my family member called and said her mom passed away. After that I've been in this rout. Idk what's going on with me. But down thing isn't right is this a yearly cycle? idk sorry but I had to vent so you could understand. Lol

[embrace123]

And I use to have that. But my pain is around the heart esophagus and under left rib cage.

[mike98t]

Wow you sound a lot like me with breathing and heart anxiety! I know that feeling well(unfortunately)! Is there Anything you do to take your mind off of it? Also if you don't mind me asking how old you are and if you know why you had the first attack? Sorry if too personal you obviously don't have to answer if it was!

[embrace123]

No you can ask me anything. But I'm 22 I'll be 23 on the 19th and I was 21 when I has my 1st attack.

[mike98t]

No when you get the chest pains and pressure does it stay the same or get progressively worse?

[embrace123]

The main reason I'm scared is because I have highblood pressure and cholesterol. And I know for some years my cholesterol was untreated . As of now everything is good blood pressure and cholesterol. But since I had it untreated for so long it could have maybe affected my heart.

[mike98t]

Now when. Not no when

[embrace123]

Well if I'm laying straight on my back the treasure seems to get worse but I have moment out the day I don't feel it and moments when I do. When I had 1st got it last month that 1st weak was so bad omg it was a burning pain around my heart and felt like pressure was just there and it lasted all day . But this week it's been better I notice when I stress about it , it gets worse

[mike98t]

Yeah to me it sounds like acid reflux and with anxiety you notice it more. From my experience that what happens to me. Hopefully it passes soon for you I know how hard it is to live with! What do you do to help calm your anxiety?

[embrace123]

These breathing things I learned have helped. Amen but can acid reflex last a month? Lol 24 hrs a day?

[mike98t]

Yeah when mine gets going it won't stop until I've taken drugs

[mike98t]

If you ever thought of going and getting a massage to try an help relax you. I know that helps me and I'm a massage therapist so I get them a lot lol

[embrace123]

Lol I've been going to the. Chiropractor and some days it relaxed me . But once I'm done lol it's all back again lol

[mike98t]

Yeah that is what sucks It comes back pretty quick! But it's an hour of relief and I'll tAke it. Especially since it's free

[embrace123]

Do you have a support system like a wife kids ?

[mike98t]

I have an 8 year old son and an ex wife(thank god) lol

[embrace123]

Lol oh hahahahahaha would she bring more anxiety?

[mike98t]

Oh god yes lol 13 years worth of it lol

[embrace123]

I sent you a private message lol

[chuckie99c]

I thought the same and took an o.d in August. Was in hospital for three days and believe me its not worth it. Not nice at all. Since then I'm on new medication and trying hard to always have "anything" to look forward to. Don't think of the past, just take one day at a time.

[Chris C]

I've been thinking this recently. It's to the point I'm ready to check myself into the mental ward at the hospital. This past week has been almost unbearable.

[littleone123]

Yes when I get bad anxiety I wish I could just die and make it go away. It's mentally and physically draining and it is classed as a mental illness. But then days when I'm not anxious or not as anxious and I'm smiling and with my family and boyfriend all of that seems like a blur. It's still there but it's blurry.

When ever you feel like that think of your boy. Say to urself that he needs you. He needs his dad in his life and in a way when he's older he will see his dad and how strong he was to keep fighting the anxiety coz when he is older he will understand more. I know it's easier said than done iv been there when people tell u how to think and what to think. But you have a boy and he needs you as much as you need him.

[mike98t]

I've been thinking this recently. It's to the point I'm ready to check myself into the mental ward at the hospital. This past week has been almost unbearable.chris i'm sorry you've been thinking that way ! It's a hard road to travel but one thing I have going for me is I am the most stubborn person I know LOL. So I refuse to let it win!

[mike98t]

Littleone I would never do anything to hurt my self I'm to stubborn to lose. Lol sometimes I just wish I were gone but I wouldn't do it myself

[Calli]

Mike, I SO know that feeling. I am so tired of dealing with this crap, but we can't let this illness beat us, as hard as it is, as much as we don't understand why...we have to take as much control of our lives as we can...little by little. I have been suicidal for years, tired of going through this, putting my family through this, tired of not know what all of "this" is... but as a group, we must hold on to each other...grab my hand, we will walk together through this hell until we find a peaceful spot.

[jessy]

Hi Mike ,
In answer to your question , yes I do have days/weeks even when I feel like dying & actually think about ways I could do it . I try very hard to push these dark thoughts away but recently they have returned .
I've suffered from gad & major depression since age 15 and I'm now 33 . I have 2 children & they are the only thing keeping me going through this life . You are certainly not alone !!

[mkgirl01]

Hiii I feel like this at times it makes no sense considering my fear is dying and yet sometimes I wish this would all just be over... With that said id never hurt myself or try anything but there are times I just want all of this to be gone

[mike98t]

Thanks for the replies guys. Sorry you're all going through this wicked anxiety sending you positive thoughts and love