Sexual anxiety because of abusive mother

[udinesio]

Hey,

I had a very complicated life. Several things happened, but the main one was that my mother was extremely abusive(physically and emotionally) and when I'm close to her, I get extremely anxious. Whenever I'm with a woman, she keeps coming to my mind(sometimes to my subconscious). Anxiety means low dopamine. Without dopamine you can't enjoy sex. When you cannot enjoy an activity you're supposed to enjoy(i.e. music, exercise, sex, food), you got a condition called anhedonia(basically the brain fails to produce dopamine when it's supposed to). In my case, sexual anhedonia. I can enjoy masturbation, but sex. I tried medication(Bupropion) and it improved a little bit(at least now I don't wanna vomit when I kiss a girl). I's very complicated for me. I really feel bad and I really wish I could enjoy being with a girl. I moved away from home when I was 16 and I'm 19 now. But the things that bitch did to me still affect me nowadays. Do you guys have any advice to get rid of that? I feel very sad I cannot enjoy one of the most enjoyable things in life. :(

I'd like to find some real advice("forgive your mother" is a little bit vague). Does anyone know a way for me to disassociate women from her? Or to at least overcome this trauma. I thought about hypnosis, but I can't find any hypnotherapist I can afford. I thought about self-hypnosis, but everything I find on the web related to it is bozo.

[uolyma]

Are you in the uk? Could a gp not refer you to someone? I'm sorry for not been more helpful. X

[trinidiva]

I really think you should speak with a therapist. They can help you try to work through your issues with relationships and perhaps help to make things a little easier. I'm really sorry you had to go through such a tough time growing up. You will really have to work hard to get through it, but the end result ( you enjoying life and having a good relationship) is worth it.

[udinesio]

Are you in the uk? Could a gp not refer you to someone? I'm sorry for not been more helpful. X

I'm in Dublin ATM. Too bad I cannot afford a therapist :(

[trinidiva]

I'm in Dublin ATM. Too bad I cannot afford a therapist :(

I'm in the US...so not sure how your med system works there....do they perhaps offer anything free through a behavioral health centre or something similar?

[Thinkitso]

("forgive your mother" is a little bit vague). you probably don't really think it's a bit vague you just don't want to forgive her do you? You probably think she doesn't deserve forgiveness or that forgiving her would somehow make what she did okay. I understand that. Sadly that's all I understand. I don't know how to move past that or I don't want to know. I hope you get to that place where you do though, want to forgive.

[uolyma]

I'm not sure how the health service works over there. I know I got offered to talk to someone when I went to see my doctor last week but declined as mine is just stress related. Xx

[udinesio]

Forgiving her would be very hard even if I wanted to. Besides, it will not solve the problem. The traumas still exist. The ghosts of her humiliating me and screaming at me still follow me everywhere I go. I cannot get free therapy and unfortunately I cannot afford paying for it. And I really really wish I could enjoy sex. This is what most bothers me ATM.

[tescochainsawmassacre]

i can identify with your past abuse experiences. i am currently working through my feelings about how my mother treated me as a child in therapy.we are using innerchild work and art therapy because i have such trouble trusting people that i am unable to properly engage with my therapist in a verbal manner.There are a lot of info sources online about innerchild work which may help you. I am in ireland.You are entitled to 8 sessions of councelling on the medical card if you have one.This would not be enough to deal with the issue but it would start you on the right path also most councellors operate on a financial sliding scale and will try to accomidate you.

[udinesio]

i can identify with your past abuse experiences. i am currently working through my feelings about how my mother treated me as a child in therapy.we are using innerchild work and art therapy because i have such trouble trusting people that i am unable to properly engage with my therapist in a verbal manner.There are a lot of info sources online about innerchild work which may help you. I am in ireland.You are entitled to 8 sessions of councelling on the medical card if you have one.This would not be enough to deal with the issue but it would start you on the right path also most councellors operate on a financial sliding scale and will try to accomidate you.

Thanks for the inner child work thing. I will do some research into that. I don't have a medical card as I'm not an European citizen. And I don't plan to stay in Ireland for long as I don't really like here. There are way better places in Europe.