My life is a wreck...need someone to talk to. Please.

[anxious_alex256]

I'm 15, female. I've had diagnosed anxiety for about a year now. Ever since I quit taking (prescribed) aderall, I've felt like I'm in a dream, and once a month (around te time of my period) I would have what the doctors would call "episodes" where my short term memory would be impaired and I would not retain information very well (very much like a marijuana high). I began going to neurologists and they did tests for focal seizures and what not. I even got an MRI. Nothing showed up so try diagnosed me with anxiety/depression. I spend just as much time on my computer and phone as I do with my friends, so I don't exactly have social anxiety. I've discovered the things I'm most anxious about are what ifs:

1. What if I'm crazy
2. What if my life is just a dream
3. What if I have an episode in class
4. What if I become addicted to drugs like my friends?
5. What if I think I'm normal, but I'm acuity mentally challenge and I just can't tell, but others can?
6. What if seething terrible happens to me and no one is around to help

I know a couple of those sound rather silly, but it's what I legitimately worry about. Right now I'm a straight a/b student at a good high school. During the summer when school is not in session, my anxiety is the worst. I try to keep myself busy because anytime I'm alone and have time to think, I worry. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I've even developed some new fears:

1. Fear of having a serious illness that I don't know about yet (cancer etc...)
2. Fear of hallucinating
3. Fear of eating food people offer to me (I'm afraid they drugged it or something stupid like that)
4. Fear of being alone
5. Fear of being crazy
6. Fear of losing grip on reality.

Tonight is Halloween and I had a Kit Kat and I threw up because I was so afraid someone drugged it. Anxiety makes my life unbearable..and makes things that should be fun and enjoyable, a nervous hell.
So far, it's only been effecting me mentally, but I feel soon It will be effecting me physically is something doesn't change. I'm afraid of losing friends due to my lack of ability to control my anxiety. My nervous symptoms are as follows:

1. Cotton mouth
2. Feeling that my throat is closing
3. Intense paranoia
4. Belief/feeling that I could start hallucinating at any minute
5. Sweating
6. "Episodes"
7. Crying and discomfort
8. Feeling of being alone even in a full room.

I just need someone to talk to about this, and maybe some coping mechanisms. I'm very good at art so I use that as an outlet for my stress. If you have any ideas contact me.
-Thank you

[tailspin]

Hi Alex. Welcome to the site! Great job on articulating your issues. You are obviously very self-aware and clued up on what is going on with you. It seems like you would do well in therapy and I'm wondering if your doctor could refer you for some CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy)? It's great you find an outlet through art. Perhaps there is a form of art therapy that would be helpful too? In the meantime there is a lot of helpful info here, so have a read through some of the posts and I hope you feel right at home! You are definitely not alone!

[nf1234]

Good news is your not alone and this will get better. You are not crazy. Crazy people don't wonder if they are crazy. Everything you describe is typical anxiety. The question is what to do about it. It sounds like the adderall screwed your system up. I've seen it happen to plenty of friends. I'm not sure what country or state your in but I would recommend finding a good Psychiatrist for starters. Then see if you can find a Naturopathic, Alternative Medicine, or Holistic Doctor. These docs tend to be way better at looking for the route causes of these problems and correctly them permanently without drugs.

It sounds like you have seen several docs already. Have they tested your thyroid levels, hormones, vitamin D, vitamin b12, and iron/ferritin? Also how is your sleep? If your sleeping poorly this could be compounding your symptoms. Good news is this is correctable so try not to let it get you down too much.


I'm 15, female. I've had diagnosed anxiety for about a year now. Ever since I quit taking (prescribed) aderall, I've felt like I'm in a dream, and once a month (around te time of my period) I would have what the doctors would call "episodes" where my short term memory would be impaired and I would not retain information very well (very much like a marijuana high). I began going to neurologists and they did tests for focal seizures and what not. I even got an MRI. Nothing showed up so try diagnosed me with anxiety/depression. I spend just as much time on my computer and phone as I do with my friends, so I don't exactly have social anxiety. I've discovered the things I'm most anxious about are what ifs:

1. What if I'm crazy
2. What if my life is just a dream
3. What if I have an episode in class
4. What if I become addicted to drugs like my friends?
5. What if I think I'm normal, but I'm acuity mentally challenge and I just can't tell, but others can?
6. What if seething terrible happens to me and no one is around to help

I know a couple of those sound rather silly, but it's what I legitimately worry about. Right now I'm a straight a/b student at a good high school. During the summer when school is not in session, my anxiety is the worst. I try to keep myself busy because anytime I'm alone and have time to think, I worry. My anxiety has gotten so bad that I've even developed some new fears:

1. Fear of having a serious illness that I don't know about yet (cancer etc...)
2. Fear of hallucinating
3. Fear of eating food people offer to me (I'm afraid they drugged it or something stupid like that)
4. Fear of being alone
5. Fear of being crazy
6. Fear of losing grip on reality.

Tonight is Halloween and I had a Kit Kat and I threw up because I was so afraid someone drugged it. Anxiety makes my life unbearable..and makes things that should be fun and enjoyable, a nervous hell.
So far, it's only been effecting me mentally, but I feel soon It will be effecting me physically is something doesn't change. I'm afraid of losing friends due to my lack of ability to control my anxiety. My nervous symptoms are as follows:

1. Cotton mouth
2. Feeling that my throat is closing
3. Intense paranoia
4. Belief/feeling that I could start hallucinating at any minute
5. Sweating
6. "Episodes"
7. Crying and discomfort
8. Feeling of being alone even in a full room.

I just need someone to talk to about this, and maybe some coping mechanisms. I'm very good at art so I use that as an outlet for my stress. If you have any ideas contact me.
-Thank you

[bcarp66]

Ya def not crazy. I think most of us here have been through much the same thing as you. Best advice I can give is get help now not when you're in your 30s like me lol. Don't waste any life feeling like this. There is plenty of help and different types of therapy be it meds, counseling, CBT or a combo of all. It does take time to find what works best for you so don't give up. It's def worth it to feel normal again. Best of luck and this is a great place to talk and get info.

[Perses]

Since you have been diagnosed with anxiety, what medical professionals are you seeing? A psychiatrist? A therapist? A psychologist? I see a therapist once a week, and she is very helpful as a source of comfort. So, my primary suggestion would be to ask your parents if you could see a psychologist. My sister started seeing a psychologist when she was about 13 years old. I think it will benefit you greatly.

Second suggestion I have is that you print out this great list of what ifs, and your fears and your symptoms so that you can discuss all this with a therapist. Now, lots of things that you fear, are natural fears. Fear of going crazy, of being alone, of having a disease. Now, I remember as a kid when Halloween came around, we had to be careful of food given to us as well. So, this makes sense. We were told never to eat apples because there might be razor blades embedded in them. No home cooked items.

Third comment, what I would recommend is that you take each day as it comes and when the "what-ifs" don't happen, then hopefully you'll feel less worry about them as time goes on. What you don't want to end up happening is letting the worry about these "what-ifs" become more real than the daily live you are participating in. Think of all the things that you are doing -- you're learning history, English literature, math, science, taking sports, shopping, going to movies, etc etc. These are the real things that your mind and body are doing daily. So, record these as pluses against the what-ifs. Life as a teenager is tough, it's stressful, so there are lots of things you are managing to do just fine in your life. How wonderful that you have drawing to fall back on, please do post your pictures for us to see.

One thing that I would take a bit seriously is addiction. You can prevent yourself from getting addicted as your friends are. This is important to avoid - only drink very little, don't smoke, and don't take drugs offered to you by friends. For me, I was so anxious about losing control, that I never smoked and rarely ever drank. I guess my anxiety helped me with that.

So, bottom line, arrange to see a psychologist or a therapist, someone who specializes in adolescent psychology. I think this will be a real help to you, and naturally, feel free to read around the forums. We are here to help and listen.

[anxious_alex256]

Since you have been diagnosed with anxiety, what medical professionals are you seeing? A psychiatrist? A therapist? A psychologist? I see a therapist once a week, and she is very helpful as a source of comfort. So, my primary suggestion would be to ask your parents if you could see a psychologist. My sister started seeing a psychologist when she was about 13 years old. I think it will benefit you greatly. Second suggestion I have is that you print out this great list of what ifs, and your fears and your symptoms so that you can discuss all this with a therapist. Now, lots of things that you fear, are natural fears. Fear of going crazy, of being alone, of having a disease. Now, I remember as a kid when Halloween came around, we had to be careful of food given to us as well. So, this makes sense. We were told never to eat apples because there might be razor blades embedded in them. No home cooked items. Third comment, what I would recommend is that you take each day as it comes and when the "what-ifs" don't happen, then hopefully you'll feel less worry about them as time goes on. What you don't want to end up happening is letting the worry about these "what-ifs" become more real than the daily live you are participating in. Think of all the things that you are doing -- you're learning history, English literature, math, science, taking sports, shopping, going to movies, etc etc. These are the real things that your mind and body are doing daily. So, record these as pluses against the what-ifs. Life as a teenager is tough, it's stressful, so there are lots of things you are managing to do just fine in your life. How wonderful that you have drawing to fall back on, please do post your pictures for us to see. One thing that I would take a bit seriously is addiction. You can prevent yourself from getting addicted as your friends are. This is important to avoid - only drink very little, don't smoke, and don't take drugs offered to you by friends. For me, I was so anxious about losing control, that I never smoked and rarely ever drank. I guess my anxiety helped me with that. So, bottom line, arrange to see a psychologist or a therapist, someone who specializes in adolescent psychology. I think this will be a real help to you, and naturally, feel free to read around the forums. We are here to help and listen.

I've uploaded some pictures of some art I've done. (A few of my faves)
I've experimented with marijuana a few times and it's fun, but I know If I do it soo often, It will become a crutch. I don't go near alcohol because one of my greatest fears is losing control and when you drink you lose control.

[anxious_alex256]

Thank you al for your courtesy and time! I have a great array of different types of friends and they've all been helping. I will the into consideration seeking help from physiatrists and other mental Heath professionals. Thank again!

[anxious_alex256]

Some of my artwork I told you about. :)

[mikecole114]

hi alex
im also a teen and know how you feel. its horrible and im not one to give advice when i cant follow it. but ive found reading on this site helps me understand that im not being silly and that there is a clinical problem with me. i think the first thing i could do to make myself begin to feel better was accept that it is a real thing.
as to weed i stiffled my anxiety for about a year smoking almost every day. i never realised i was smoking when i was anxious it just seemed like a good past time. it deffo helped me be not anxious (short term) but long term that sort of heavy smoking messes with you and yeah i believe my condition has been aggrevated by it. im a hell lot more paranoid then i was about 2 years ago before i started smoking. ive now stoped which was easy once i realised how much it messes with you. what id say to you is defo seek some help whether it be cbt or a counsillor. i know for me it made myself feel so much better to talk to someone who wanted to hear what you say often friends and family will want to help but have no idea what that would be and we dont know what would help otherwise we would have been doing it a long time ago.
mostly dont let it take over your life.
people on here understand you and its good when your feeling down.
BE a teenager and enjoy it and fix or help yourself now while its still young.
and as for anyone on this site if you ever wanna ask me a question or have rant please feel free to private message me and i will try and help.
because talking about it helps me and who ever eles i talk to.

[Perses]

Love the artwork Alex. So many different styles. You are wonderfully talented. Really. It's so great to see someone take up art. I especially like the tiger face; that's just startling. It reminds me of Blake. Have you read yet William Blake's poem on the Tiger.





Tyger Tyger, burning bright,
In the forests of the night;
What immortal hand or eye,
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?


In what distant deeps or skies.
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand, dare seize the fire?


And what shoulder, & what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?


What the hammer? what the chain,
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp,
Dare its deadly terrors clasp!


When the stars threw down their spears
And water'd heaven with their tears:
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?


Tyger Tyger burning bright,
In the forests of the night:
What immortal hand or eye,
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

[anxious_alex256]

Love the artwork Alex. So many different styles. You are wonderfully talented. Really. It's so great to see someone take up art. I especially like the tiger face; that's just startling. It reminds me of Blake. Have you read yet William Blake's poem on the Tiger. Tyger Tyger, burning bright, In the forests of the night; What immortal hand or eye, Could frame thy fearful symmetry? In what distant deeps or skies. Burnt the fire of thine eyes? On what wings dare he aspire? What the hand, dare seize the fire? And what shoulder, & what art, Could twist the sinews of thy heart? And when thy heart began to beat, What dread hand? & what dread feet? What the hammer? what the chain, In what furnace was thy brain? What the anvil? what dread grasp, Dare its deadly terrors clasp! When the stars threw down their spears And water'd heaven with their tears: Did he smile his work to see? Did he who made the Lamb make thee? Tyger Tyger burning bright, In the forests of the night: What immortal hand or eye, Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?im not firmiliar but thanks for sharing!!

[tailspin]

Awesome artwork, Alex! You are really talented! So glad you have this outlet. Thanks for sharing.