This will sound really weird-please bear with me

[DarkSoul]

Hello everyone, this is my first post in this forum site. Gosh this is awkward, but if I don't say anything to anyone I feel like I will go crazy. I am unbelievably embarrassed to talk with anyone over this, even over the phone anonymously. But here goes.

I am a heterosexual male that ever since I was a kid under the age of 5, has loved wearing tights and pantyhose. I came from a European background and in European countries, at least when I was a kid, it was normal for both boys and girls to wear tights. I remember very specifically having a pair of white, red and blue ones as a child under 5.

From the first time I wore I loved and haven't stopped. Nothing else btw, just that. I found it within myself so humiliating because I enjoy wearing more than many women. I am so super conscious of society around me, which is why I have never felt at ease. And yes, in case you're thinking, I have tried numerous times to stop wearing. It never lasts.

At work, at social events, with family etc, I always hear insults and laughter hurled at gays, effeminates etc. It is all around me, it's in the tv, movies etc. Just look at how many sitcoms have an episode with someone that's gay or effeminate. I find myself surrounded by a society all around me that would laugh till they drop over my secret. It makes me sad and angry.

I know this sounds stupid, but here I am, expressing who I am and what I feel.

Thank you.

[NixonRulz]

This is a serious question because I can't tell from your post.

Are you wearing them like you would a pair of jeans or are you wearing them under your jeans?

If you are wearing them like pants, like to a bar, you should be prepared to get in some altercations.

Right or wrong. That is not what people would be okay with.

If you wear them under your pants, then fu*k it, who cares?

When its cold, everyone wears long underwear.

Just tell people you have really sensitive skin and they make wearing them bearable.

As long as you are not struggling with something else. You say you are hetero and if there isnt a struggle there, I don't know ehy you would feel goofy about it.

Hell, I may just do that tonight. Its going to be cold and sounds comfortable.

Go get your tights on with no guilt. Wear them loud and proud.

[trinidiva]

Hey, I don't see anything wrong with it! Do what makes YOU comfortable. .....you can't live your life to please other people!

[NoStrangerOfSin]

Hell, that's normal. People are so stuck on the "macho man" being the epitome of masculinity. There are so many things that "normal" women do b/c it's "feminine" or what a woman is "supposed" to do to be a real woman. Getting nails done, toes done, hair change every freakin week, makeup every day...etc. All of that is not only something I do not find to be a requirement of being a woman, but it's just plain uncomfortable. I wear baggy cargo shorts and a guys tank top bc I feel comfortable in it. I don't give a f*** about what others see that to be.

Life is too short to care about what others think about what you wear. Rock on with your bad self ;)

[DarkSoul]

Hell, that's normal. People are so stuck on the "macho man" being the epitome of masculinity. There are so many things that "normal" women do b/c it's "feminine" or what a woman is "supposed" to do to be a real woman. Getting nails done, toes done, hair change every freakin week, makeup every day...etc. All of that is not only something I do not find to be a requirement of being a woman, but it's just plain uncomfortable. I wear baggy cargo shorts and a guys tank top bc I feel comfortable in it. I don't give a f*** about what others see that to be.

Life is too short to care about what others think about what you wear. Rock on with your bad self ;)


Thanks for the replies. I've never had confidence to be who I am. I've always had to be repressed and quiet. Also, it's different for women. I know that you say women are supposed to be prissy to be "real women". But that's in very limited circles. I would dare say that is generally the standard in the upper socioeconomic echelon. Generally, women can be anything from ballerinas to truck drivers, and they are generally seen still as women. For men, it's completely different. Any deviation from the norm, and us men are subject to scorn and ridicule.

Growing up for me, as I alluded to in my OP, was really rough at times. I think you know what I mean. For me as a boy, hosiery was something practical, tactile and fantasy. Fantasy in the respect of something soft ,warm, cosy. Feelings and experiences completely different to my sometimes harsh reality. That's the best way I can explain it. It was never wanting to be a girl, but sometimes jealousy that, to me anyway, girls didn't have the harshness and roughness that I perceived boys had. Slipping on tights/pantyhose today is for warmth, softness and comfort. But when I was a kid, I was also slipping away from a rough and harsh reality to something softer, kinder and gentler.

If that makes sense to anyone. What I find difficult for me is that I don't fit into a particular stereotype or pigeon hole. It would be easier if I was just gay or trans, then wearing hose would be just one part of it. But that's the only part of me that is so radically different from other men. In every other respect, I like what most men like. Women obviously, sports, drinks, partying etc. I don't fit into the alternative crowd and I don't fit into the conventional crowd. I belong nowhere.

[Kellie]

You be you because you are amazing just the way you are, i don't know you but if people can't accept you then they aren't people you want in your life.
Don't let it get you down! :) There are some cruel people in this fucked up world but there are plenty of people who are amazing to make up for that!
Be who you want to be (:

[DarkSoul]

You be you because you are amazing just the way you are, i don't know you but if people can't accept you then they aren't people you want in your life.
Don't let it get you down! :) There are some cruel people in this fucked up world but there are plenty of people who are amazing to make up for that!
Be who you want to be (:


Firstly, I thank those of you that replied. But my anger, confusion, depression, lack of confidence makes me suspicious, weary and conflicted of everything-even any kind responses shown to me by members of this forum. I am really sorry to say that, but I am just being honest.

I do appreciate a kind word but I honestly have to ask, "Why am I amazing the way I am?" Nobody here knows me, I am just a newbie and a nobody. I am not amazing or deserving of any compliments.

I just wonder if there is a difference between responding to people anonymously on an online forum and responding in person? Even more so, I wonder if there is a difference in response if the other person in question is a friend, boyfriend, husband, brother etc? For eg, to the men that responded to me, what if I was your friend or brother? How would you then feel about me? And for the women the same question. What if you find out your boyfriends/husbands had my inclinations? Would you still give the same responses, such as "Be yourself"?

I'm really sorry if I'm being rude or inconsiderate of people on this forum. I just can't shake the feeling that it's easy for people to be nice and accepting of one another when they don't have to deal with them in real life. It's easy to say "Be yourself" when it's not your own husband/bf with my situation.

Please forgive me if I sound ungrateful. I'm upset and confused. And I don't know what to really believe anymore. Sometimes I think that the conservatives are correct and you know where you stand with them. Be a conservative, and you know conservatives will accept you. Don't be a conservative and you know that they won't accept you. I sometimes I wish I was a straight laced conservative, it's just so simple. With non conservatives, I don't know really whether I am included and accepted or not accepted. I know that any conservative person will not support a guy that wears tights/pantyhose. Non conservatives may say they accept me, but I don't know. I think to myself, "Sure, as long as it's not my boyfriend or husband or son or brother or father or friend" etc.

I'm really sorry. I've had a really rough couple of days. I don't know who to trust and believe. I'm really sorry. I've edited this reply like 10 times as I'm having trouble expressing myself.

[NeverToo...Fear]

DarkSoul, you raise some good points in your questions....it's easy for everyone here to say you are amazing, be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin....being mostly anonymous, it's not too hard to offer some encouraging words. Let's see; really thinking about this, if you were my boyfriend and you were just pleased as punch to wear tights..... honestly, it's not the most fashionable thing I agree with, and at first I really think I would be put off. I think naturally ppl have a tendency to automatically judge BUT that's not really defining who you are as a person is it? The tights don't say anything about your personality...all I know is that you like to wear tights.

You're not trying to impress anyone. You are wearing them because you simply like them. You are being you. It's not like you are wearing them to try and fit in or seek extra attention. And I would truly be happy to be around someone who's not afraid to be themselves or express what they like--even if I don't personally agree with it....and that's where it comes down to why you are amazing the way you are. Everyone is unique; we're all born with certain characteristics that makes everyone amazing...so in a sense, er, everyone is amazing just the way they are, it's like a blanket thing to say--don't take it personally.. :P

Naturally you will be ridiculed, because you are standing out from the normal...and when you are against normal, you're branded a different mark. So I can see why you would be self-conscious when you're under the eyes of the normal. Think of it like this; stores require shirt and shoes...gotta wear them. There's a reasonably accepted dress code and when you deviate, here come the naturally expected stares.....again, first impressions say everything. That being said, I personally try to look past first impressions and try to understand a person, rather than judge and assume. I don't think it's nice for people to snicker and laugh at you. People could be more respectful and handle themselves better even if they don't agree with your fashion statement.

[jessed03]

^ Truths in NT...F's post. People get ridiculed for any small difference that defies the predetermined social norm.

The true issue that needs work here my friend is simple; it's you.

Do you believe you can be peaceful defying this rigid and pre-set trend and perhaps facing the judgement of the society that raised you? I don't feel it from your words.

Yet.

It's completely understandable, of course, but being 'understandable' doesn't change it, and stop it being a big, big obstacle in the way of you being happy.

People have said; you can get there, if you want to, and that part I really do feel; I do feel you are ready and that you want to, and that will take you a long way.

It's no easy task to separate slightly from societies path of 'normality', one needs very thick skin to do that.

It's not straight forward, but if you do feel you can learn to allow yourself the freedom to be you, and gradually learn to permit yourself to be different, you will of course be happy.

The question isn't so much what we think about it, but what you do. :) Once you work through your own hang ups and judgments (and you will need to for sure, not just regarding your preference, but mostly on your guilt and perceived disobedience towards society), then theres no reason you can't reach the above place of inner contentment.

You will also need to make peace with the idea you will probably never get the approval from society that you seem to really need. And thats really hard.

People don't rarely respect those who are different unless they really respect and accept themselves. Some will never 'get' you... some will.

At the end of it all, fuck it... you can't hide yourself forever, right. One life and all that. Plus wearing tights isnt the oddest thing ever, not even close.

To quote Charles Bukowski:

“My dear, Find what you love and let it kill you."

All things will eventually cause you pain. It's much better when at least the pain comes from doing something you enjoyed.

[DarkSoul]

DarkSoul, you raise some good points in your questions....it's easy for everyone here to say you are amazing, be yourself, be comfortable in your own skin....being mostly anonymous, it's not too hard to offer some encouraging words. Let's see; really thinking about this, if you were my boyfriend and you were just pleased as punch to wear tights..... honestly, it's not the most fashionable thing I agree with, and at first I really think I would be put off. I think naturally ppl have a tendency to automatically judge BUT that's not really defining who you are as a person is it? The tights don't say anything about your personality...all I know is that you like to wear tights.

You're not trying to impress anyone. You are wearing them because you simply like them. You are being you. It's not like you are wearing them to try and fit in or seek extra attention. And I would truly be happy to be around someone who's not afraid to be themselves or express what they like--even if I don't personally agree with it....and that's where it comes down to why you are amazing the way you are. Everyone is unique; we're all born with certain characteristics that makes everyone amazing...so in a sense, er, everyone is amazing just the way they are, it's like a blanket thing to say--don't take it personally.. :P

Naturally you will be ridiculed, because you are standing out from the normal...and when you are against normal, you're branded a different mark. So I can see why you would be self-conscious when you're under the eyes of the normal. Think of it like this; stores require shirt and shoes...gotta wear them. There's a reasonably accepted dress code and when you deviate, here come the naturally expected stares.....again, first impressions say everything. That being said, I personally try to look past first impressions and try to understand a person, rather than judge and assume. I don't think it's nice for people to snicker and laugh at you. People could be more respectful and handle themselves better even if they don't agree with your fashion statement.



Thanks for your honesty. And just to clarify, it is not a fashion statement in any way, manner or form. Always under clothes, never out in the open. Hope that helps.

[trinidiva]

Thanks for your honesty. And just to clarify, it is not a fashion statement in any way, manner or form. Always under clothes, never out in the open. Hope that helps.

Although I'm a female, I completely understand. I prefer to wear stockings under my pants during the colder months....not for fashion purposes. ...it honestly just keeps me warmer....its better for me than just putting on just a pair of socks. You really shouldn't feel uncomfortable or feel like you have to mold yourself to fit in...just be you.

[DarkSoul]

Although I'm a female, I completely understand. I prefer to wear stockings under my pants during the colder months....not for fashion purposes. ...it honestly just keeps me warmer....its better for me than just putting on just a pair of socks. You really shouldn't feel uncomfortable or feel like you have to mold yourself to fit in...just be you.


Thanks for the encouragement. But I'm sick of this life and almost everyone in it. I am determined now to quit and fit in and regain some normality and acceptance in my life.

I'm just testing whether editing bumps the post back up. I don't want it to.

[alankay]

So what, it's your little quirk. Harmless. We humans have this kind of thing in...... various forms. Wear 'em and keep it low profile and screw all else if this is you biggest issue. Alankay