loved ones suffer most

[mikecole114]

i think the worst thing about my anxiety is the effect it has on those closest to me. i become a much more snappy paranoid and horrible person when im really worrying about something. however when ive calmed down i feel guilty for them having to deal with me like that but in some ways i shouldn't feel guilty coz its not me its the anxiety. or is it my issue i need to make myself nicer when im like that? because i dont try to be like that it just happens and its a continuous circle of guilt and worry and hate

[3taceyl0u]

I don't have an answer but I know exactly how you feel. I try to explain to my family that that's just how I deal with it and I think they try to understand but it can't be easy. Try not to be too hard on yourself though as that only feeds the anxiety.

[mikecole114]

I don't have an answer but I know exactly how you feel. I try to explain to my family that that's just how I deal with it and I think they try to understand but it can't be easy. Try not to be too hard on yourself though as that only feeds the anxiety.

It's lost me a girlfriend and probably close friends I don't trust myself to get to close to anyone.

[3taceyl0u]

My relationship with my boyfriend is very tough and I have also lost all my friends to my anxiety. I think a large part of it is always expecting to screw up. (Even as I write this I'm worrying it will come accross wrong...)

[tailspin]

i think the worst thing about my anxiety is the effect it has on those closest to me. i become a much more snappy paranoid and horrible person when im really worrying about something. however when ive calmed down i feel guilty for them having to deal with me like that but in some ways i shouldn't feel guilty coz its not me its the anxiety. or is it my issue i need to make myself nicer when im like that? because i dont try to be like that it just happens and its a continuous circle of guilt and worry and hate

I can really relate to this. My depression and anxiety often bring out the worst in me and it's those closest to me who bear the brunt of it. I too become extremely irritable and I snap at people. Sometimes I become enraged. I hate this about myself and, as you say, it just feeds this endless cycle of guilt, self-hatred and worry. I am stuck in that cycle right now and it sucks ass.

I know that depression and anxiety can often cause irritability and anger, yet, there also has to be some kind of personal accountability. I mean, we ARE ultimately responsible for our actions. We can't control how we feel but we can - supposedly - control how we behave. I REALLY struggle with this because I constantly feel that I'm failing to take responsibility for my actions and then I'm right back in that cycle of self-hatred again.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. Obviously, in an ideal world, the depression and anxiety would be treated to the extent that we were no longer irritable and angry. Also, I know that we have to somehow find a way to be kinder to ourselves since, ultimately, how we treat ourselves determines how we treat others. And if we're less hard on ourselves, then we'll be less hard on others too. But when you're feeling really bad, I just don't know how to turn things around. What I tend to do is just ride out the depression and anxiety and wait until I feel better again. But this is hardly a satisfactory approach. And, in the meantime, I'm being nasty to other people, which is pretty inexcusable (which then begs the question, how I can "forgive" myself if I'm continuing to be a bitch?)

Thank you for articulating a problem that I am really struggling with. I'm sorry you're struggling with it too. I wish better days ahead!!

[mikecole114]

I can really relate to this. My depression and anxiety often bring out the worst in me and it's those closest to me who bear the brunt of it. I too become extremely irritable and I snap at people. Sometimes I become enraged. I hate this about myself and, as you say, it just feeds this endless cycle of guilt, self-hatred and worry. I am stuck in that cycle right now and it sucks ass. I know that depression and anxiety can often cause irritability and anger, yet, there also has to be some kind of personal accountability. I really struggle with this too. I mean, we ARE ultimately responsible for our actions. We can't control how we feel but we can - supposedly - control how we behave. I REALLY struggle with this because I constantly feel that I'm failing to take responsibility for my actions and then I'm right back in that cycle of self-hatred again. I honestly don't know what the answer is. Obviously, in an ideal world, the depression and anxiety would be treated to the extent that we were no longer irritable and angry. Also, I know that we have to somehow find a way to be kinder to ourselves since, ultimately, how we treat ourselves determines how we treat others. And if we're less hard on ourselves, then we'll be less hard on others too. But when you're feeling really bad, I just don't know how to turn things around. What I tend to do is just ride out the depression and anxiety and wait until I feel better again. But this is hardly a satisfactory approach. And, in the meantime, I'm being nasty to other people, which is pretty inexcusable (which then begs the question, how I can "forgive" myself if I'm continuing to be a bitch?) Thank you for articulating a problem that I am really struggling with. I'm sorry you're struggling with it too. I wish better days ahead!!

You know that makes me feel so much better that someone eles can agree. I will like start arguments over nothing to prove a point getting pretty nasty with it. However I'm not a bad person by a long shout my friends think of me as "stressy" but how can I explain it to them? I even act overly kind when I'm not anxious and irritable because I feel so guilty so that give off the impression of me being a bit of a lick arse so I can't win. Maybe the real problem here is actually we need to stop caring what people think of us (as hard as that sounds) coz if we could one day just go fuck it and be mean and not care yeah people wouldn't like it for a bit but you'd break the circle of worry then anger and guilt?
Food for thought

[tailspin]

You know that makes me feel so much better that someone eles can agree. I will like start arguments over nothing to prove a point getting pretty nasty with it. However I'm not a bad person by a long shout my friends think of me as "stressy" but how can I explain it to them? I even act overly kind when I'm not anxious and irritable because I feel so guilty so that give off the impression of me being a bit of a lick arse so I can't win. Maybe the real problem here is actually we need to stop caring what people think of us (as hard as that sounds) coz if we could one day just go fuck it and be mean and not care yeah people wouldn't like it for a bit but you'd break the circle of worry then anger and guilt?
Food for thought

Hi mikecole, I agree that worrying about what other people think is generally a huge waste of our time and energy and serves no useful purpose. But when it comes to people we are close to, I think we do need to take their feelings into consideration. It's difficult because feeling guilty about lashing out obviously isn't an effective response since it doesn't change anything. On the other hand, not giving a shit when you've upset someone you love doesn't seem like the right thing either. Which brings me back to thinking that the only solution is to find a way to manage the anxiety and depression to the point where we don't act out as much. And that's hard!!

Are you getting any professional help, Mike? Meds and/or therapy?

[mikecole114]

Hi mikecole, I agree that worrying about what other people think is generally a huge waste of our time and energy and serves no useful purpose. But when it comes to people we are close to, I think we do need to take their feelings into consideration. It's difficult because feeling guilty about lashing out obviously isn't an effective response since it doesn't change anything. On the other hand, not giving a shit when you've upset someone you love doesn't seem like the right thing either. Which brings me back to thinking that the only solution is to find a way to manage the anxiety and depression to the point where we don't act out as much. And that's hard!! Are you getting any professional help, Mike? Meds and/or therapy?

Yeah I agree with that. The worse thing is I never seem to lash out at people I don't know as well it's always the people I trust the most which makes no sense. Yeah I accepted I had a problem about a month ago and my doc put me on citlopram and I had my first council inch session this week. I feel better already just had a shit day yesterday

[tailspin]

Yeah I agree with that. The worse thing is I never seem to lash out at people I don't know as well it's always the people I trust the most which makes no sense. Yeah I accepted I had a problem about a month ago and my doc put me on citlopram and I had my first council inch session this week. I feel better already just had a shit day yesterday

I know, I have never understood why it's so easy to lash out at loved ones either. I have never bought the argument that it's because we feel "safe" enough with loved ones. That just makes no sense. I do lash out at complete strangers too though!!!

At any rate, I'm really glad you went to see your doctor and that he put you on Citalopram. Sounds like it's helping, which is great!