I need help

[Steph88]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum so I really appreciate any advice I get. I think I'm suffering from anxiety but I'm not sure and I'm too scared to talk to anyone because I feel really stupid.

What it is, is that I'm really scared whenever my boyfriend goes out, I know it's stupid but I'm so scared that something awful is going to happen to him and I'm not going to be there to help him. We moved to London coming up a year ago because he got a job here and tonight he's got a work function, it's just to the local pub, they've booked it out and there will be free food and drinks. I'm not scared that he's going to cheat on me but I am terrified something will happen and I'll never see him again.

I know it's stupid and the likelihood that anything will happen is minimal but I just can't stop worrying. This has happened a few times since being here, he's gone out and I've got myself into such a state that I've nearly had a panic attack or I've been sick and I can't stop crying or worrying. I'll pace the house all evening and not get anything done.

I don't know if it stems down to something that happened when I was a teenager. My Mum was admitted to rehab but one night she disappeared and the police where told she was last seen getting into a strangers lorry and it was the worst night of my life because nobody knew where she was, I couldn't get hold of her and I was so scared.

And I guess I'm scared that I can't get hold of my boyfriend either, that his phone dies. I've tried talking to him about it but he tells me not to worry but I can't stop it. I try so hard but nothing I do makes it go away.

He's at work all day today and then they go straight out and I don't know what time he'll be back and I'm already crying and feeling sick. I just don't know what to do.

[NeverToo...Fear]

Hi Steph, welcome to AF ! :)

I don't think it's stupid, cause I do the same thing..it's a terrible feeling and I'm sorry you are going through it. Whenever someone I care about goes out that door, I worry that something will happen to them. And the worry doesn't leave my head until they come home...it's those pesky irrational thoughts that dominate the mind with fears like that something tragic will happen to them, and you'll never see them again because they got into an accident or something worse..and if they don't answer their phone...oh god...that makes it worse.

But it helps me to just keep reminding myself that they will be okay..the thought of something bad happening is extremely unlikely..I put those thoughts straight out, cause worrying won't prevent something bad happening. If something bad happens, that's a whole new situation I will deal with if that happens.

But then maybe you'd think back to that time when your mom disappeared that one night, thus it reinforces that thought that it can happen. Bad things do happen....the important part is to remember that bad things don't happen all the time. Ofc there's always the chance, but how likely is it? (btw, I hope your Mom is okay now...I'd be scared out of my mind too!)

When he's out of the house, try to set up a whole line of things to do just to keep yourself busy and not think to much about his absence...being busy helps me to where I don't sit and think about it.

And I've posted this here some time before, but I'll put it here again for you..it's a beautiful quote that reminds me of why we hate being separated by loved ones: "When two souls fall in love, there is nothing else but the yearning to be close to the other. The presence that is felt through a hand held, a voice heard, or a smile seen. Souls do not have calenders or clocks, nor do they understand the notion of time or distance. They only know it feels right to be with one another. This is the reason why you miss someone so much when they are not there-- even if they are only in the very next room. Your soul only feels their absence-- it doesn't realize the separation is temporary."

....I hope some of my small advice helps... :)

[Steph88]

Hi NeverToo...Fear, thank you ever so much for replying! :)

Even just writing down my feeling and reading you reply has helped so much and that really is a very beautiful quote.

My Mum's ok thank you, she was readmitted to rehab last Tuesday so that's not helping my anxiety at all but I will try and keep myself busy this evening.

Stupid things go on in my head, like I know he'll be having a few drinks and then I worry that he'll be drunk and maybe trip at the underground station and get hit by a train. But, I will keep myself busy (I've got plenty of cleaning I've been putting off!) and keep on telling myself that he is an adult and he will be ok.

Thank you again!! :)