bardamu
12-27-2007, 01:36 AM
Hello everyone, this is my first post. I just found the site, and as seen as i've never had chance to talk to people who have anxiety, well, i think i'd like to ask you something that has been on my mind for a long time . . .
First, i've always been anxious, started as a kid, got much worse and more nightmarish after LSD and now i am learning to live with it . . . it's been some time, but i am figuring out myself and the monster inside is . . .well, it's me.
But i wanted to ask you this. When you were a child did anyone have bad attacks. To me it seems strange that i had bad attacks as a child. My mum and dad just thought i was a tad strange. (i was adopted as a child . . . i later found my birth family and found out they are all anxious and have been always - that was a relief when i found out it wasn't only me, kind of stopped the thoughts of demons in me and so on.).
So when i was a child i used to imagine this white line, it came into my mind and started expanding, kind of humming, vibrating, expanding more until i just couldn't cope with this huge thing in my head and so then i'd scream and run around. My parents had no idea what was happening. I didnt either as this happened from ages about 4-10. After the white line i would imagine car carshesand explosions.
I lost the whie line until i did acid and it came back.
It's so hard to explain, but it's like having something unfathomable in my head . . . like trying to imagine infinity, something too big to understand in one's brain.
Nowadys i don't imagine the line, but now and again i still imagine something, it's more vague than a line, but it's something that i can't understand but takes up all my thinking power. I don't really care now, just a part of me, if somewhat different.
I'd love to speak or hear from anyone who's had similiar attacks/thoughts.
Hope to hear from you
First, i've always been anxious, started as a kid, got much worse and more nightmarish after LSD and now i am learning to live with it . . . it's been some time, but i am figuring out myself and the monster inside is . . .well, it's me.
But i wanted to ask you this. When you were a child did anyone have bad attacks. To me it seems strange that i had bad attacks as a child. My mum and dad just thought i was a tad strange. (i was adopted as a child . . . i later found my birth family and found out they are all anxious and have been always - that was a relief when i found out it wasn't only me, kind of stopped the thoughts of demons in me and so on.).
So when i was a child i used to imagine this white line, it came into my mind and started expanding, kind of humming, vibrating, expanding more until i just couldn't cope with this huge thing in my head and so then i'd scream and run around. My parents had no idea what was happening. I didnt either as this happened from ages about 4-10. After the white line i would imagine car carshesand explosions.
I lost the whie line until i did acid and it came back.
It's so hard to explain, but it's like having something unfathomable in my head . . . like trying to imagine infinity, something too big to understand in one's brain.
Nowadys i don't imagine the line, but now and again i still imagine something, it's more vague than a line, but it's something that i can't understand but takes up all my thinking power. I don't really care now, just a part of me, if somewhat different.
I'd love to speak or hear from anyone who's had similiar attacks/thoughts.
Hope to hear from you