Falling back into the anxiety pit

[wrongplanet]

Hi all. I'm new here and I guess I should give a little background before posing my question. I am a 29 year old single mother. I was diagnosed with GAD and PTSD a few years ago, although I have been living with anxiety almost as long as I can remember. I've been noticing that the older I get the worse the anxiety gets. In the last few years I've graduated to panic attacks that leave me with an urgent feeling of needing to escape and hyperventilation. My usual triggers are money, work, relationships, or just a general feeling of something being wrong or bad. I work full time and I am halfway through my first semester of full time college. I feel overwhelmed in every aspect of my life and constantly worry and over-think things. My usual coping mechanism is to hide out in bed and not want to leave the house or speak to anyone, sometimes for days or weeks, because it's all just too much. I'd rather hide than face the causes of my anxiety. Nobody I know really understands what it's like to deal with anxiety and I'm often told to just quit worrying and calm down, like it's that easy. I've seen therapists, but it's not been any help. They just listen to me talk, offer no suggestions for how to deal, and put me on meds that make my anxiety worse or don't have any noticeable affect at all. Anyways, with everything going on with the stresses of work, money, and struggling to keep up with school I can feel myself slipping back into that dark place of not wanting to leave the house or talk to anyone. It's been a huge struggle to force myself to get out and do the things I have to do, which has been making me late to work often and further increasing my anxiety. I would be perfectly content to turn my phone off and stay in bed indefinitely, but unfortunately life doesn't work that way. Does anyone else have a similar issue? How do you deal with it? I've worked too hard to get where I am in life to let this anxiety ruin it all.

[cm1983]

Hi wrongplanet. I think i understand what you're going through. I can totally relate to the overthinking every aspect of my life. It drives me mental. Its almost as if i wake up with a clear head, and then something in my mind clicks and says "ohhhh but remember this this and this". If i have a moment of clarity, my mind puts something else there to worry about. I make up stories and scenarios about people not liking me, that i may have done something wrong, they may think this about me. Money is a huge trigger of anxiety for me too. I used to not worry about money at all, in fact i was pretty careless with it. But some time last year, i developed a fear of even doing grocery shopping as i would feel anxious for hours after about the money i spent, even though it was usually just the necessities!! I find that my anxiety is very much about "what people think", but its not just about what im wearing or appearance, like i said before, i make up scenarios of what people are going to do to me, say to me, think about me as a friend, the effort i havent made. I could go on!! Im almost in constant state of thinking like this and its really really tiring. Its gotten worse over the last 6 months i think. So... things i try to do to help with this:
Trying to pick up on those negative thoughts when i have them and tell myself off lol, -remind myself these are thoughts not truth.
Listening or reading Eckhart Tolle on youtube or dvd that i have (very helpful!!) about ego and pain body, very good for us overthinkers lol
Going for a walk, even if im still overthinking while im walking, its somewhat better to do it in the fresh air
Baths at night. Im not sure why, but a bath after one of my anxiety attacks reeally helps and i feel a lot better before bed.
Distraction! Having people around, putting on my favourite comedy show, or even texting a friend about something else.
Id really like to go and see a therapist again but unfortunately i can't afford it right at this point. I tried seeing a psychotherapist for 5 months but ironically she was making me more anxious, and i felt like i was trapped into never ending therapy sessions for the rest of my life. lol

Sorry to have written so much! but always here to chat if you want.

C:)