The start of a relationship??

[MBendrix]

I'll try and keep this short...

I met a guy through my best friend a few years ago, we get along really well. We mainly keep in contact via Whatsapp because we live thousands of miles from one another, occasionally we Skype. I will be visiting my best friend soon and while I'm visiting I'm going away with this guy, just the two of us... and I am excited but I can feel the anxiety bubbling up, as I come nearer to seeing him the problem is obviously just increasing.. I really don't want to feel this way about it, I just want to be excited, if I screwed it up for any other reason than my own anxiety I would probably be okay but the idea that I'm just shooting myself in the foot because I'm too scared to throw myself into, what I deem to be, the deep-end is infuriating.
I don't actually know anybody in real life who will understand exactly where I'm coming from, that this is actually much more than just butterflies about the beginning of something potentially great, it's dangerously close to being a debilitating fear that the wrong part of my brain is going to be taking the lead. I don't really know where my head is at with all of this to be honest, I just need some guidance and reassurance.

[sweetypie]

I understand what you are going through, I think. I was in a five year long relationship with a guy I met on an internet forum before. He lived 2,000 miles away and I was absolutely terrified to meet him for the first time. It didn't help that people were all telling me that it was foolish to meet someone over the internet.

It'll probably feel better once you meet him. Also, I encourage you to share any of the fears you are having with him, it might help.

I think it's harder for us with anxiety and depression problems to meet people in person because there are so many different things we are afraid to do. It's easier to meet people online.

Are you scared because you've never seen him in person before or scared because you are scared to meet people in general?

[MBendrix]

Thank you so much for your response, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Sorry I should've made it clear that we've actually already met, about 3 years ago, but a few months after my visit we started emailing every so often and then at the beginning of last year it became more frequent and it was obvious that we had feelings for each other, he then visited my hometown last year with my best friend and another friend, we had some "moments", nothing serious, but we've kept in contact almost every day since last year.

So next week we'll be spending 2/3 days alone. I had an anxiety attack yesterday which lasted 5 hours or so because he suggested we go to a spa during our trip. I think the whole idea of physical intimacy terrifies me, it's not that I haven't been with anyone before but I don't know, maybe because this is planned so far in advance ALL of my anxiety has an opportunity to talk me out of it as opposed to a spontaneous event which doesn't allow me the chance to obsessively list all the 'what if' scenarios. I think if I'm honest the whole thing is centred around sex and affection and being vulnerable with someone. I've never had a boyfriend, my most serious "relationship" was with a guy I dated for 4 months (who, incidentally, I met online when I was 16 and met in RL when I was 21). It's so much easier having a relationship with someone through a screen, but then, as cliche as this is, "nothing worth having comes easy". Shucks.

[emilyfrances]

Totally understandable you feel that way though!
Been there before.
Hopefully your visit goes well. :)

[sweetypie]

Did he make you say that you for sure would be intimate? Or are you just thinking that may be the direction this whole thing will go?

[emilyfrances]

Did he make you say that you for sure would be intimate? Or are you just thinking that may be the direction this whole thing will go?

Nope. I mean we talked about it but he was never forceful about it. We knew it was going to happen. It took me a little to get used to being
around him. Anxiety and all! First time we had met. But eventually it happened after a day or so.
We had talked about it before so it's not like it was a surprise. Or forced.

What about you guys?

[MBendrix]

Thank you, I appreciate it :)

[MBendrix]

Did he make you say that you for sure would be intimate? Or are you just thinking that may be the direction this whole thing will go?

I'm just pretty sure that's the direction it will go, he's not the kind of person who would ever demand anything of anybody, he's a really wonderful guy. I don't think either of us are used to making strong connections with other people. I realise that it sounds as if I'm basically panicking over nothing, and essentially I am.. but then people on here probably realise how easy it is to hyperfocus on something seemingly harmless and turn it into an apocalyptic mess. Damn it would be nice to switch off this part of my brain sometimes. I think talking about it has helped a bit so thank you for that :)

[emilyfrances]

Awee good! :)
And yes haha that tends to happen. I think you'll have a good trip. :)

[emilyfrances]

Oops I replied to sweetypie's comment before thinking it was yours my bad