etg2009
10-09-2013, 05:24 PM
Hi all - I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life. For the better part of the last 8 years I have been debilitated by depression and panic attacks (agoraphobic).
In the last year things started to get a bit better. I was able to drive (in a limited area) but drive nonetheless, go out with friends was even starting to interview for jobs outside of the house.
Three weeks ago my panic attacks and depression returned with a vengeance for no apparent reason. Almost as to say, 'ha, you thought you could have a normal live?! not so fast!' (I don't really think its saying anything to me. :) ) I've become housebound again, I can't even walk my dog around the block without full blown panic.
Over the years I've tried every SSRI out there and within the first two days became severely depressed and suicidal, much more-so than prior to starting the medication. So I've always been envious of those that can take meds and get 'better'. I have xanax that's always with me, just in case and it works if things get bad. But I don't want to take it too often because of the fear of addiction. I've tried all of the holistic approaches; eating well, taking supplements, meditation, working out to no avail.
Anyway, I have a bottle of zoloft from about a year ago from my old GP and I decided a week ago that enough is enough and I was going to try taking it again starting slowly and pray that the depression doesn't get as bad as it has in the past. Great news, the depression hasn't gotten worse! I should have prefaced this with the fact that I'm extremely sensitive to medication. I started at 12.5 mgs the fist three days I didn't feel a thing. On the evening of day four, an hour or two after taking the pill I felt like someone had given me a high dose of speed (I've never taken it but I would imagine that's what it would feel like)! I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin, couldn't sit still (anyone ever experienced this feeling?), I felt anxious but not like my 'normal' anxiety. Normal panic attacks for me consist of the racing heart, tingling, weird warm feeling all over my body and light-headedness. This was something entirely new to me and I was terrified, almost felt like I had electricity running through my body. I finally took .5 mgs of Xanax and began to feel better and was able to sleep. The next day I took it again but with xanax this time and was able to avoid the same thing happening and woke up yesterday feeling pretty good. For the first time in weeks I got out of bed at a normal hour, showered, dressed, I felt good. So I did the same last night. Took the Zoloft along with Xanax, slept well but when I woke up this morning I felt extremely anxious. By about 10a I had the same feeling as the other night - like someone had given me speed. Couldn't sit still, felt anxious but not like my 'normal' anxiety. I took half a xanax and began to feel better but it also knocked me out for the remainder of the morning/afternoon. Tonight will be day 7 of taking this. I don't know if I can stick through this. Anyone else experienced something similar and can offer any hope? Should I stick with it an hope this increase in anxiety (if that's what you want to call it) will pass?
Due to my illness I have been unemployed and lost the health coverage I had last year, cannot afford to go to the Dr and pay out of pocket. I don't have a Dr to call or to see to share this info with. So essentially Zoloft has to work or I just deal with this and hope it will one day go away on it's own.
I'm approaching my late 20's and want so badly to have a shot at a normal life. I am watching all of my friends with their amazing careers and getting married, having families, etc. I want to go back to school, have a career meet an amazing man and have a family. I'm tired of being alone and feeling so secluded. I want a life free of depression and panic.
Any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!
In the last year things started to get a bit better. I was able to drive (in a limited area) but drive nonetheless, go out with friends was even starting to interview for jobs outside of the house.
Three weeks ago my panic attacks and depression returned with a vengeance for no apparent reason. Almost as to say, 'ha, you thought you could have a normal live?! not so fast!' (I don't really think its saying anything to me. :) ) I've become housebound again, I can't even walk my dog around the block without full blown panic.
Over the years I've tried every SSRI out there and within the first two days became severely depressed and suicidal, much more-so than prior to starting the medication. So I've always been envious of those that can take meds and get 'better'. I have xanax that's always with me, just in case and it works if things get bad. But I don't want to take it too often because of the fear of addiction. I've tried all of the holistic approaches; eating well, taking supplements, meditation, working out to no avail.
Anyway, I have a bottle of zoloft from about a year ago from my old GP and I decided a week ago that enough is enough and I was going to try taking it again starting slowly and pray that the depression doesn't get as bad as it has in the past. Great news, the depression hasn't gotten worse! I should have prefaced this with the fact that I'm extremely sensitive to medication. I started at 12.5 mgs the fist three days I didn't feel a thing. On the evening of day four, an hour or two after taking the pill I felt like someone had given me a high dose of speed (I've never taken it but I would imagine that's what it would feel like)! I felt like I was going to jump out of my skin, couldn't sit still (anyone ever experienced this feeling?), I felt anxious but not like my 'normal' anxiety. Normal panic attacks for me consist of the racing heart, tingling, weird warm feeling all over my body and light-headedness. This was something entirely new to me and I was terrified, almost felt like I had electricity running through my body. I finally took .5 mgs of Xanax and began to feel better and was able to sleep. The next day I took it again but with xanax this time and was able to avoid the same thing happening and woke up yesterday feeling pretty good. For the first time in weeks I got out of bed at a normal hour, showered, dressed, I felt good. So I did the same last night. Took the Zoloft along with Xanax, slept well but when I woke up this morning I felt extremely anxious. By about 10a I had the same feeling as the other night - like someone had given me speed. Couldn't sit still, felt anxious but not like my 'normal' anxiety. I took half a xanax and began to feel better but it also knocked me out for the remainder of the morning/afternoon. Tonight will be day 7 of taking this. I don't know if I can stick through this. Anyone else experienced something similar and can offer any hope? Should I stick with it an hope this increase in anxiety (if that's what you want to call it) will pass?
Due to my illness I have been unemployed and lost the health coverage I had last year, cannot afford to go to the Dr and pay out of pocket. I don't have a Dr to call or to see to share this info with. So essentially Zoloft has to work or I just deal with this and hope it will one day go away on it's own.
I'm approaching my late 20's and want so badly to have a shot at a normal life. I am watching all of my friends with their amazing careers and getting married, having families, etc. I want to go back to school, have a career meet an amazing man and have a family. I'm tired of being alone and feeling so secluded. I want a life free of depression and panic.
Any insight or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!